


It's All Coming Back to Me

by Ktspree13



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Brothers, Childhood Memories, False Memories, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Inspired by Music, Loki (Marvel) Feels, More tags to be added if needed, Psychological Torture, Recovered Memories, References to Depression, Revenge, Thor (Marvel) is Not Stupid, Thor (Marvel) is a Good Bro, Torture, Written to music, brothers being brothers, jane foster wants to know all the things, this ended up having a lot of Thor POV, thor doesn't always understand
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-16 18:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 46,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ktspree13/pseuds/Ktspree13
Summary: Loki let go of Gungnir and didn't expect to wake up. When he does he's surprised to find his family has chosen to torture him for his mistakes. Or did they? Loki journeys thru the events of the Marvel movies, going through his fractured memories to determine what's real and what was manufactured to make him a weapon. Inspired by Celine Dion's song "It's all coming back to me now."I still suck at summaries, and this story has changed a lot since its original conception.  It's Loki's memories being destroyed by Thanos & the infinity stones, and Thor & Loki's journey to fix his mind.  And deal with what life throws at them along the way.  Later chapters have a bit of a different feel from beginning (as I settled more into my groove) are largely Thor's POV.  May edit later on down the line.





	1. Falling Into the Void

**Author's Note:**

> So...it's been a long time since I've written anything. I'm having trouble getting motivation for my original story, so I'm writing a bit of fanfiction, just to get myself in the habit of writing. Don't know if this'll be any good, but I woke up one morning with Celine Dion's song "It's all coming back to me" stuck in my head, so here you have it. ;) If you want the full experience, listen to her song while reading this story. I was going to do this all as a one-shot, but I'm running into arguments with myself on how I want to write some of the other parts of this story. Since I wanted to put something up tonight, I'm going to do this in a few chapters. I hope you enjoy! If you'd be so kind, please leave a review! This chapter is the saddest one, I promise.
> 
> EDIT: This fic turned into a freaking monster, but I love it. <3

Loki stares up at Thor and Odin one last time, he feels, as his mind tries to reconcile its opposing views of what he should do.  In the end, he feels too rejected; too hurt; too much a monster to continue holding on to Gungnir.  _I’ve become the monster I’ve feared,_ he thinks, blinking away the tears threatening to fall from his eyes.  _I’m an embarrassment_ , he continues, berating himself.  _If I’m gone, I can’t bring any more shame to my family_ , he concludes, letting go of his grip on Gungnir.  As he falls into space, it feels like a door is being shut in his mind.  Not only to forget the painful memories here, but to accept that he can never return.  Loki blacks out once he’s fallen past the realm eternal, not expecting to wake again.

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Loki’s eyes open to a familiar site, but he is instantly confused, his mind wanting to reject what he sees.  _It’s not possible…_   He stared in front of him, chilled to the bone, but seeing his home.  _How am I still in Asgard?_   Loki blinked, drawing his tattered cape about his body.  His helmet had gotten lost in the fall, and his clothes were in shreds, including his boots.  _Asgard is never this cold,_ he thinks, feeling like he is caught in an illusion.  A sharp pain claws up his spine and Loki’s vision falters.  He stares out into the blackness of space for a second before his eyes are shoved back to Asgard’s public square.  He is bound to a pillar in the middle of the square, the people staring at their dark prince.  Loki struggles with the chains that hold him in place, trying to find a way to escape.  _Why am I here?  How is this happening?_   “Thor!” he shouts, finding himself tiring of his confusion.  “Allfather!!” he shouts, getting louder.  The crowd begins to part to the right of Loki and he turns his gaze in the direction of their movement.  Thor appears walking through the crowds, holding Mjolnir.  He has a dark look upon his face, a look Loki had never seen before directed towards him.  He blinks in confusion, wondering again how he ended up here.  “Thor,” Loki says, when he is standing in front of him.  “What is going on?” he implores.

            “Loki Laufeyson,” Thor says.  Loki shudders, glaring angrily at Thor for using his birth father’s name.  He may not have been Odin’s blood son, but he would rather be no man’s son than called Laufeyson.  “For your crimes against the royal house of Odin and upon the land of the Frost Giants, you have been sentenced to remain chained to this pillar for punishment and public humiliation until the Allfather deems you worthy to walk free,” he said.  Loki’s eyes widened as he stared up at Thor.  This could not possibly be his brother.  His kind-hearted, albeit occasionally arrogant and easily angered brother. 

 _Surely this is a trick_ , Loki thought.  Loki looked about.  “Show yourself, sorcerer,” Loki growled.  Thor’s eyes darkened as he placed a hand on Loki’s neck.

            “You will accept this sentence, Loki, or you will never know a moment’s peace,” Thor said.  The sun was beating mercilessly upon Loki within the sky, his eyes feeling very dry.  Yet he was still so cold, even with his Frost Giant tolerance.

            Loki ignored Thor’s words.  “This is madness!” he shouted to the sky.  “You cannot trick the god of lies and mischief, illusionist.  Show yourself and I will show you mercy,” he growled.

            “Loki,” Thor said to him, his mouth turning down into a frown, “You have brought this upon yourself, brother.”  Thor lifted his hand with Mjolnir up to the sky, calling down the lightening.  Loki stared up at Thor in disbelief.  _I know this cannot be real_ , he told himself as Thor brought Mjolnir down upon his chest.  Loki screamed in pain as his entire body lit up with lightening and pain.  It felt like there was a gaping hole in his chest and his vision flittered between the golden city of Asgard and the raw emptiness of space.  Barely able to draw breath, he looked once again upon Thor’s face.  A face he thought he’d known all his life.

            “Brother,” he choked, finding it difficult to even draw breath into his lungs.  “Please,” he pleaded.  “Do not do this,” he said, tears falling from his eyes.

            “You are not my brother, Loki,” Thor said, drawing Mjolnir back once again before lighting his body up with pain.

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­­­­­­­­Loki woke again to the sounds of the city of Asgard.  Sometimes they laughed at him or threw rotten food upon his tormented body.  Some days he felt so feverish he could barely stand.  On those days, he fell to his knees, only being held up by his arms chained to the stone pillar behind him.  After a while, his skin would break open from the rough ground and unrelenting pressure on the tight skin across his knees.  Other days, he was so cold he could hear the chains rattle from the shaking his body did.  He didn’t know how long it had been since his punishment started, but he no longer fought against the notion that he wasn’t in Asgard.  That Thor wasn’t really there, hurting him day in and day out.  Some days his mother appeared in the crowd.  At first, she cried.  The more he saw her, though, her features had turned cold and indifferent.  Once she had actually come up to him and slapped his face, telling him what a disgrace he had made of himself and the family.  And he just stared into her face, unable to say anything. 

            Most days he could barely breathe or speak in his defense.  His vocal cords were ripped apart by his screams on a daily basis, no matter how hard he fought to choke them down.  His mother’s reactions were the most hurtful of all, though.  He wished for death whenever he saw her disappointed or indifferent looks from the crowd.  His punishments were starting to take on a different form, though.  The past few times, Odin had arrived to carry out his sentence.  The first couple of cuts from Gungnir stung, but not nearly as much as the thousandth one that struck his back a few days later.  And when Odin was there, the crowd was grand and energized, feeding off of Loki’s pain, cheering with each cut and laughing with each cry of pain.

­­­­­            Loki screamed out and fought against his chains when he felt Gungnir pierce his chest moments before lightening from Mjolnir coursed through his body.  His mother was standing at the front of the crowd this time, with her arms crossed and her face in a scowl.  He cried as he watched her turn away and walk back towards the palace.  _So, I’m not even worthy of her time, now,_ he thought.  Loki started to laugh, despite the blood blocking his airways.  He coughed up the red liquid and spat it at Odin and Thor, laughing maniacally.  “Is that all?” he screamed.  “Is this the worst from the house of Odin?” Loki cackled, his mind fracturing from the continued stress and pain. 

            “How dare you insult the Allfather and me,” Thor ground out.  Loki felt the bile rising in his throat as another blast of lightening crashed into him, but he couldn’t stop laughing. 

            “I finally see your true faces,” he said, sneering.

            “Enough,” said Odin.  “I see we aren’t making any more progress today,” he said, turning around.  “One day, I hope you will make yourself worthy of your freedom, Frost Giant,” he said, turning away from Loki and walking the way Frigga had.  Loki felt the pain of his words deep in his heart, but he continued to laugh through it all, refusing to let any of them see how they affected him.  Thor gave him one last glare before storming after Odin.  The crowd started to disperse, as well, finding the laughing prince too strange to look upon with his punishers gone.  A cloaked figure caught Loki’s attention to his left, however.

            His laughing increased as he spoke to the figure, “So I have finally caught your attention, illusionist,” he cried, almost hysterical in his disbelief now.  He could no longer think of his home, his family, without associating everything with pain and humiliation, and now someone was finally here to stop this madness.

            “What they’re doing is wrong, my prince,” the man said.  “If you would align with me, I would stop this torture and grant you revenge upon the whole of Asgard, who delighted in your punishment and relished in your humiliation.”  The man stepped closer to Loki, the square almost empty now.  He smirked, sensing his victory with each step he took.

            “I notice you do not offer freedom, illusionist,” Loki quipped in return, hanging his head.

            “Freedom!” the man laughed.  “Freedom is life’s great lie.  Once you accept that in your heart, you will know peace,” he said.  “What say you, fallen prince.  Son of no man?”  Thanos smiled wickedly.

            “End this torture and I am yours, illusionist.  If you grant me the means to burn Asgard to the ground, you shall have my allegiance,” he replied.  Thanos put his hand on Loki’s shoulder and suddenly he was no longer chained up, and no longer saw Asgard in his mind.  He stared out at the blank canvas of space and fell to ground in relief.


	2. Quinjet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki recovers some of his memories, but can't believe the truth of them.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­Loki recovered by Thanos’ side, learning of the plan to invade Earth, to capture a magical object known as the tesseract.  His eyes had been opened since being freed from torture.  Thanos had taught him more than he could find in all the books on Asgard.  He barely thought of his home, now, only eagerly waiting to raze the Earth for what Thanos needed.  How could he not do as Thanos had asked?  He rescued Loki and gave him a purpose!  The scepter Thanos gave him held so much power and knowledge, enhancing Loki’s abilities and filling him with confidence.  _What of this realm of humans?  They are nothing to my power, and the power of the Chitauri.  I will find the tesseract and we shall march on Asgard._   Loki opened the portal to Midgard, his plan to spread Thanos’ message already clear in his mind.

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­­­­­­­­­­Loki laughed as Thor threw his body to the ground.  _Of course he’d be here!_ Loki thinks, darkly.  _It is not enough that I escaped his torture…he must bring be back to continue it._   Thor questioned him about the tesseract and Loki again laughed at him.  “I missed you too,” he taunted.  _If he thinks I’m going to give in to HIM after all he’s done…_ Loki stared up at Thor with a wild look on his face.  He continued to argue with Thor about things that were of little consequence to him.  He could never look at Thor or his parents as family again, didn’t they see that?  He tried to intimidate Thor.  “I’ve seen worlds you’ve never known about!  I have seen the true power of the tesseract.  And when I wield it--” 

            Thor interrupted him, “Who showed you this power?  Who controls who would be king?” he demands. 

            _How dare he ask me of the man who saved me?_   “I am a king!” he shouted, instead.

            “Not here.  You give up the tesseract.  You give up this pointless dream…  Come home,” Thor pleaded with him, grasping Loki on the back of his neck.  A memory tore through Loki’s mind, a memory of childhood when he would turn to Thor for protection.

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_“Thor…” Loki cried, hiding behind the open door to Thor’s bedroom.  Loki was only five, but Thor was older…Thor was eight…Thor wasn’t afraid of the storms like Loki._

_Thor woke up, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he stared out into his dark room.  “Loki??” he asked, confused, thinking he imagined his voice.  A bolt of lightning struck across the sky as it continued to storm outside Thor’s open window._

_“Thor!” Loki cried again, louder this time, running towards Thor’s bed in the dark.  Thor’s mind cleared from his dreams as he pulled the covers back on his bed.  Loki jumped underneath them, trying to hide from the storm, as Thor chuckled._

_“Does the thunder and lightning bother you, brother?” he questioned.  Loki looked up at Thor with shining emerald eyes, trying to act tough for his older brother._

_“No,” Loki whispered, biting down on this quivering lip.  “No, I’m five, now.  I’m not scared,” he said._

_“Loki,” Thor smiled.  “I’m the god of thunder and lightning.  I’m not scared because I control them!” he touted, trying to comfort his brother with his power.  “I can calm the storm if it displeases you,” he offered, ruffling his younger brother’s hair affectionately._

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The memory passed just as quickly as it appeared and Loki’s memories of the torture crashed through him.  But this time, he remembered how it all started; remembered his mind fighting against an illusion at the beginning…  His heart skipped a beat as his mind warred with the memories his mind had created of his brother.  One of immense love and another of immense pain.  Thor gripped his wrists and Loki flinched, deciding he had seen Thor’s true feelings.  _I have never been anything but a monster…only fit to be punished_ , he thought to himself.  Loki sneered back at Thor, unable to believe his true memories of love and comfort.  “I don’t have it.  You need the cube to bring me home and I’ve sent it off to I know not where,” Loki told him, laughing as Thor was suddenly tackled by some red and gold flying suit.  Loki grabbed his head in pain, though, as another memory flooded his consciousness.

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 _Asgard is shining, golden, warm, and filled with light in his mind.  Even at night, his home was a treasure.  Loki looked out at Asgard from the balcony of his room.  He could never tire of this, which made his decision to destroy_ Jötunheim _all the more difficult to accept.  “I’m not a monster,” he whispered to himself.  “But I must eradicate the monsters if I am to be worthy of my home,” he decided, a few tears falling down his face.  He gritted his teeth as he headed off to where his not-father was sleeping.  He knew what he had to do, but he was regretting his choice with each step he took.  Loki heard someone drawing a weapon and realized he was running late to stop his own plan.  Opening the door to his father’s chambers, he sent a blast from Gungnir at Laufey.  It pained him that he had to choose one father over another, without even trying to learn if Laufey even meant to discard him in the temple, or if he were merely there for safekeeping.  But he had to prove…he had to show that HE was not a monster, not like the rest of the J_ _ötnar.  Thor arrived just as he’d killed his true father, and Loki can’t help but feel happy for his return.  Despite needing to fight with him to stick to his plan, he was immeasurably happy Thor had become worthy of Asgard again.  For he would need Thor…he would need all his family more than anything, once he had proven himself…_

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Loki fell to his knees, his head splitting.  _I have been saved, yet I still cannot escape this pain_ , he thought, crying out to the sky.  “NO!” he shouted, closing his eyes tightly.  “I refuse to believe,” he screamed as another vision ripped him apart, one that cut him to the bone; one where it was not Thor who tortured him all that time in Asgard, but Thanos himself…….  He felt the cool sting of a blade against his throat as his arms were pulled behind him.  Loki laughed, unable to help himself.  He laughed at the irony of everything; at his fractured mind, Thanos, even his own memories.

            “You’re coming with us,” Natasha said as she brought Loki to the helicarrier.  And all he could do was laugh at it all.


	3. Helicarrier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor's interaction on the flying fortress in Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello dear readers! I'm so glad I've gotten a little traffic on this story. I appreciate all who take the time to read!
> 
> Disclaimer (I totally forgot this in previous chapters): I don't own any of the characters in this story, nor any dialog taken from the movies that I use. Nor any of the lyrics that may or may not slip into this story subtly from Celine Dion's song "It's All Coming Back to Me Now."
> 
> If you feel so inclined, PLEASE take the time to review. :D I love to hear your thoughts on the story. :) Also, please note, the last bit is more in Thor's point of view. Some parts of the Avengers scene have been reworked a bit, simply for flow. I tried to keep its integrity in-tact. Also, bits of conversation that I found unnecessary were removed, just as in the previous chapter. :)

Loki almost felt sorry for these pathetic mortals.  They had no idea what was in store for them, and he was so close to his goal.  It was laughable how easy it was to obtain the cube, and even easier to amass his small force to protect it and help build the portal that was needed to bring the Chitauri.  He was starting to forget why he needed to bring them to this planet, but Thanos’s grand plan was for him to rule this planet while the illusionist had the rest of the galaxy at his feet.  Loki smiled.  _What a glorious future,_ he thought, his eyes glinting with excitement.  A smaller portion of his mind argued that he didn’t want to rule this planet.  Further, there would be too many casualties to make it even remotely easy to rule Earth.  But this was the portion of his mind he didn’t trust.  It was the part that still trusted Thor and hoped for reconciliation with his parents…  A _dopted parents_ , he had to remind himself.  The man with the eyepatch had been interesting.  Perhaps in another time he would have been top of his prank list, he thought.  Suddenly the ship shook from a great force and Loki stumbled back, clutching his head, his eyes widening.

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He was in Asgard, again, as a little boy.  He was sitting in the feasting hall next to Thor and his mother, the wind rustling his hair and whispering in his ears a bit.  It was unseasonably cold for Asgard right now and Loki was feeling more comfortable than he had in a long time.  All the food in front of him felt too hot, though, the kitchens trying to compensate for the weather.  He stared up at his mother, not knowing what to eat.  It was all unappealing to him at this temperature.  She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his temple.

            “What would you like tonight, my dear?” she asked him, smiling.

            “It’s all so hot, mother,” he sniffled a bit.  “I don’t know if I can eat it,” he rubbed at his eyes.

            “Here, brother!” Thor shouted, placing a few pieces of meat on his plate.  “Have some of mine,” he offered.  “It’s delicious!” Thor’s eyes shined bright with delight.  “I think mine cooled off a bit,” he said.  Loki looked at him, unsure, but willing to try.

            “OK, brother.  But if I don’t like it, I’m not going to eat it,” he protested, picking up a piece of the meat.  It did feel a bit cooler than the pieces he almost took from the platter.  Maybe he just needed to let them sit on their own before eating them, he thought.  Frigga made sure to find some bread and fruit for Loki to eat, as well.  Fresh fruit, at least, would not be warmed, and the bread would cool off nicely if he still objected to it.  She placed them next to Loki’s plate as Thor watched his brother carefully.  Loki put the piece of meat in his mouth and was happy to find it tasted good.  Loki smiled and turned to Thor, “It is good, brother!”  Thor beamed, happy to have put Loki’s fears to rest.

            “See, brother?  I would never steer you wrong!” he exclaimed.  “You’re my brother and we have to stick together!” Thor shoved a big piece of meat into his mouth and spoke while he chewed.  “I’ll always protect you.”  Frigga frowned over at him.

            “Thor!  Do not talk with your mouth full.  You are a prince of this realm and not a heathen,” she scolded.

            Thor blushed, feeling guilty.  “Sorry, mother.”  Loki noticed the fruit and bread near his plate and brightened immensely.  He didn’t feel so strange, now, with nothing on his plate and a dread of the food in front of him.

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Thor watched Loki from the screen in front of him.  He seemed to be in a bit of a trance, clutching his head.  Like some kind of vision was invading his brain.  _Is this the same brother I grew up with?_ He questioned himself.  _What is wrong with him?_   Thor wondered, getting concerned for the man in front of his eyes.  Suddenly another figure was on the screen in front of him and he noticed he was working to open the door to the cell they had put Loki in.  Thor rushed out of the room towards where Loki was being held, not knowing if he should be afraid for his brother, or the people on this ship.  He ran into the room in time to see the door opening.  “No!” he yelled.  The man who had entered the room stood to the side, keeping his distance from Loki.  _OK, not a threat,_ he thought, racing towards Loki.  His brother crouched, preparing to attack just as Thor ran straight through him and landed on the ground, face down.  _Damnit!  How many times…_

            “Are you ever not going to fall for that?” Loki stared at him in mock disappointment.  Taking his anger out as he normally would, Thor swung Mjolnir at the wall of the cell.  When the glass cracked slightly, he noticed the look of fear cross Loki’s face.  It was so brief he almost imagined he saw it.

            _Why would Loki ever be afraid of Mjolnir?_ Thor wondered.  _He has seen me rage thousands of times…seen me swing her in many a…’temper tantrum,’ as mother would call it._   Thor puzzled at Loki’s reaction to his anger while the cell locked into place with more reinforcements.  Loki laughed nervously and backed away from the cell he had trapped Thor in.  _Odin’s beard…he’s afraid of me,_ he thought, confused.

            “The humans think us immortal.  Should we test that?” Loki teased, going over to the control panels for the cell.  Thor looked on at him in rage and shame.  _How could I have missed his reactions the last we spoke?_ Thor thought furiously.

            “Step away, please,” another man came into the room abruptly, stopping Loki from his threat to drop Thor out of the carrier in the cell he’d trapped him in.  Thor watched Loki back away, his hands up in surrender.  The guard that was with Loki was hit in the head by the large weapon Agent Coulson had.  “You like this?” Agent Coulson asked.  “We started working on the prototype after you sent the destroyer.  Even I don’t know what it does.”  Thor couldn’t believe his eyes.  His brother never hesitated like this in battle.  It was concerning that no one knew what the weapon did, but comparatively, Midgardian weapons hardly damaged them.  Where was his fearless brother?  Where was the brilliant man he had known all his life?  He stared in horror as Loki suddenly appeared behind Agent Coulson, stabbing him through the chest with the scepter they had confiscated.

            “NO!” Thor shouted, slamming his hand against the cell.  This couldn’t be Loki.  He didn’t take lives like this, especially when he didn’t even know if the weapon was a threat.  While he had thought Loki’s earlier taunting was just an empty threat, it now appeared he had no trouble letting the cell drop from the carrier with him inside it.  Loki was back at the control panel and opened the hatch below the cell.  Thor moved away from the wall to show his brother he wasn’t afraid.  “Don’t do this, Loki,” he whispered.

            Loki gritted his teeth, staring at Thor with such mocking hatred.  “You may have hurt me, ‘brother,’” he sneered, “but I know how to hurt you so much deeper,” he threatened, watching Thor fall from the sky.


	4. Balcony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor & Loki's confrontation on the balcony at Start Tower during Avengers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all! Sorry it's taken me so long to update. The motivation to write isn't always as strong as I'd like it to be. :P But you can thank the lovely BreakingBadLikeABoss for the update. She turned her puppy dog eyes on me and I HAD to write this up. :) I really really wanted to finish out The Avengers with this chapter, but it seems I still need one more chapter to finish that movie out. I have a flashback scene in here that was revealed in Thor: Ragnarok, but only because I thought it was adorable and I don't plan to advance the story past Thor: TDW. I'm amazed at how long this fic is getting. I didn't think it would go one more than five or six chapters, but I'll need at least three or four more to close this baby up. But, maybe it will take me longer...we'll see, eh? :)
> 
> Disclaimer: As always, the words from the movie aren't mine. This is not for profit.

Loki walked out onto the balcony of Stark Tower.  He was displeased with how things were progressing.  He had the tesseract in place and his scientist had opened the portal for Thanos’ army, but he kept getting these flashes of his times of torture on Asgard.  They kept changing on him.  Sometimes he still saw Thor punishing him, but more often he saw The Other in his place.  Loki’s unseeing eyes clouded with an illusion being created.  Other times he noticed he was not in Asgard, but Thanos’ sanctuary.  It was beginning to unravel the little sanity he had clung on to.  He was further displeased with the war that was raging, and he almost sure that he never wanted to rule this planet…  But this was all for the one who had saved him from his torture, right?  Thor and Odin had tortured him…right?  In the middle of his musings, Thor landed on a lower balcony near Loki.  Loki clenched his fists and tried to pull himself together.  He refused to look weak in front of Thor.

            “Loki!  Turn off the tesseract or I’ll destroy it,” Thor shouted at him.  Mjolnir was raised in challenge, pointing up towards the roof that contained the device controlling the portal.

Loki composed himself and growled at Thor.  “You can’t.  There is no stopping it.  There’s only the war,” he warned, pointing the scepter at Thor.  He felt stronger with the scepter.  Its energy seemed to calm his warring memories and focus his path.  He jumped down to the lower balcony to confront Thor.  _I can’t let him destroy everything I’ve worked so hard to orchestrate for Thanos_! he thought, angrily.  This was his way to get back at his family that rejected him, after all.  _They should be made to feel the humiliation of defeat just as strongly as I was forced to…in front of the whole of Asgard_. he concluded, sending a blast of energy at Thor from the scepter.

            “So be it,” Thor said, striking back at Loki.  They continued trading blows for a few more minutes until Loki stumbled back, clutching at his head.  Fighting Thor was tearing his mind apart.  On one hand, it was deeply triggering for the torture he had received at his hand, but on the other hand, it was disturbing to be fighting a brother he felt still loved him.  He couldn’t piece out what was true in his own mind.

            “Stop this!” Loki shouted at Thor.  Thor’s face became one of shock.  His brother looked mad with grief.  His earlier suspicions about Loki’s frame of mind started crashing back to him and he took a step towards Loki.  Loki’s face was ashen as he stared at Thor, “Don’t touch me,” he screamed, pointing the scepter at Thor with shaking hands.  Thor stopped in his tracks.

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Loki saw the scene before him like he was an outsider looking in on himself.  He was chained to a rock on Thanos’s sanctuary, his eyes clouded with an illusion and his skin fluctuating back and forth between his Jotun and Aesir form, most likely due to the cold, but also the amount of magic being wrought from his body to heal himself from the torture.  He saw the Other, cackling next to Thanos.

            “It seems the Asgardian prince is not what he seems,” he remarked.  Thanos grinned as he stared at Loki’s blue complexion.

            “All the better to complete my mission,” he said.  “A frost giant is more vicious than an Aesir.  He will not stop in his plans for revenge, for they will be all-consuming in his mind.”  Thanos laughed before plunging the scepter into Loki’s chest.  He watched himself scream and cry out Thor’s name, begging him to stop.  The Other’s fingers were on his temples, strengthening the illusion being forced upon him.

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            “THOR!” Loki screamed, breaking himself away from the scene in front of him.  He stared at his brother, wrestling between reality and illusion.  Thor rushed to him, Mjolnir still in his hand.  He was trying to comfort his brother, but Loki flinched in fear and swung the scepter at him in defense.  The sounds of the battle poured into his ears and he noticed a jet flying suspiciously close to where he and Thor fought.  He slammed Thor into the glass balcony ledge in front of them and sent a blast towards the jet from the scepter.  There was too much going on, too many sounds to calm his thoughts.  He dropped the scepter as Thor rushed at him.  Thor only meant to catch him before he could cause any more damage, but Loki continued to fight against him.  The brothers grappled on the balcony like they used to do as kids, wrestling in their rooms, but Loki started hitting back with force and Thor started punching, letting his anger get the best of him.  He trapped Loki’s arms above his head as Loki spit in his face.

            “Brother,” Thor sobbed, “Stop fighting against me,” he pleaded.  “I swear, I do not wish to hurt you.”

            “How can you say that?” Loki bit back, his expression burning.  “You who denied we were brothers, you who tortured me in front of all of Asgard for I know not how long…  How can I do anything but fight against you?” he challenged.  Thor let go of him immediately as Loki scrambled to sit up.

            “Loki…” Thor stared at him a long moment.  “Loki, I would never,” he almost whispered, his face anguished.  “Even if father were to command it, I could never hurt you in such a way.”  Thor stared down at his hands, worried that he had been doing just that only moments ago.  He looked back to Loki, whose eyes seemed to come in and out of focus.

            “No,” Loki breathed.  “No…no….no…”  He wrung his hands through his hair, fighting against another illusion of torture.  It was so ingrained in his mind; how could he believe Thor?  Thor used Loki’s momentary distraction to show him he was still loved.  He moved forward again, kneeling in front of Loki, and placed his hands on either side of his face.

            “I thought you dead, brother.  I mourned you every day,” he said truthfully.  “I could never wish harm to you.  I love you.”  Tears slipped down Loki’s eyes as he stared up at Thor, but his expression hardened almost instantly.  There was a flash of gold and suddenly Loki sat before Thor in his Jotun form.  Thor moved his hands from Loki’s face instantly before they became frostbitten, and Loki laughed at his reaction.

            “Truly, ‘brother,’” he smiled.  “Do you truly love me?  You love the monster I am?” he sneered, as he kicked Thor’s thigh, struggling to stand.  He changed back into his Aesir form as Thor charged at him.

            “Stop acting like a child,” Thor barked, grabbing Loki’s collar.  “Look at this!  Look around you!  You think this madness will end with your rule?”  Loki’s eyes were glassy as he stared at the battle around him.  It was loud and explosive.  Screams and sirens rang out everywhere, and he couldn’t shut out the cacophony of the Chitauri battle cries.

            “It’s too late.  It’s too late to stop it.”  Loki was tired of fighting.  He was tired of this battle.  Whether he believed Thor or not, he was tired of this petty war and couldn’t understand why Thanos wanted him to rule this ridiculous planet anyways.  He gritted his teeth as Thor stared into his eyes.

            “No.  We can, together,” he pleaded.  Thor smiled at Loki and he returned the expression briefly.

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Loki wrapped his body around a vine on Thor’s balcony, waiting for his brother to come outside.  He had transformed himself into a snake so he could win their game of “Boo! I’m the strongest!”  It was a rather silly game, and father was likely to punish them for it if he found out, but Loki was determined to win before that happened.  He wiggled his tongue as Thor came out onto his balcony.  Loki had told him he had a surprise waiting for him there.  As Thor looked around, Loki slithered across the balcony ledge towards him.

            “Loki!” Thor called.  “I don’t see anything!” he complained.  Loki feathered his tongue again and moved quickly towards Thor.  He finally caught his brother’s eye and waited.  He knew Thor loved snakes.  He wouldn’t be able to resist picking him up.  Thor’s eyes lit up when he saw Lokisnake.  “A snake!” he cried.  “Loki must have spotted you earlier,” he explained.  “I love snakes,” he said to Loki, holding his hand out to him.  Loki slithered towards his hand and let Thor run his fingers over his head and down his spine.  “I love snakes,” he said, transfixed.  He picked Lokisnake up and continued talking to him.  “I know I feel like a big warm tree.  You can wind around my arm if you want,” he cooed.  Loki noticed it did feel nice to wind around Thor’s arm.  He flicked his tongue out again and rested his tiny snake head on Thor’s arm.  “I’m going to call you Mundbir,” he said.  Loki refocused on his objective and transformed back into himself.  He clung to Thor’s arm and said “Boo!  I’m the strongest” before stabbing Thor with the small dagger he had called forth with his magic.

            “Damnit, Loki!” Thor yelled.

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Loki stabbed Thor in time with the memory that had flooded his senses.  He schooled his features, unsure if Thor had noticed his distraction.  “Sentiment,” he spat as Thor stared at him in anger.

            “Damnit, Loki!” he yelled, kicking Loki into the glass wall behind them.  He grabbed Loki up and slammed him back onto the ground.  Loki’s eyes widened and he rolled away from Thor.  Too late, Thor realized his mistake.  He had let his anger get the better of him and let it prove Loki right.  But his actions were of an annoyed brother, not an enemy looking to torture.  He pulled the small dagger from his side and flung it away.  Raking a hand down his face, he turned back to Loki.  “I’m the strongest,” he grinned. 

            Loki could hardly believe his ears.  He started laughing, running his hands into his hair again.  _How can I think so ill of my brother?_ Loki questioned himself.  _A thousand years and we’re still playing ‘Boo! I’m the strongest!’_ he thought.  “I thought father told us not to play that game any longer,” he taunted.  Thor grinned and walked towards Loki.  He planned to help him up, but it seemed the small good will he had sewn wasn’t enough.  Loki flinched again and backed up a bit. 

            Thor stopped, hoping to ease Loki’s discomfort.  “Yeah, well, father’s not here right now,” Thor joked.  This seemed the wrong thing to say, though, as Loki’s eyes flashed in understanding.

            “I’ll not let you trap me again, Thor,” he warned.  “I won’t let you take me back just to be tortured all over again…  I could not bear it,” he finished, rolling off the balcony and plummeting towards the ground.

            “Loki, no!”   Thor ran towards the edge in time to see his brother grab onto a Chitauri flying machine and race off into the distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so grateful for those of you that are enjoying this so far. Also, if you'd like to see more of my work, from a Thor standpoint, I wrote a bit of a preamble to the new chapter being written for BreakingBadLikeABoss's story Brothers of Fortune, as a gift for the lovely author. When chapter 19 comes out, you'll see my brief bit of prose. :) Though, you really should read the previous chapters before getting to my little bit before her amazing chapter. ;)


	5. Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last bit of Avengers. Loki finally feels freed from the illusions that have been plaguing his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! :D And I've finally closed out Avengers. :) We're moving on to Thor: TDW next. I hope you all are enjoying the story so far. If you get a moment, please read & review! I am so grateful to all of you who stop by.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own none of the Marvel characters, nor the dialog that appears from the movies. This is not written for profit, only fun.

Loki felt lucky to have grabbed the Chitauri flying machine as it was whizzing by.  He had leapt from the tower a bit too spontaneously, but enough was enough!  Thanos had saved him from the torture Thor and Odin had put him through…  He aligned with him so he could watch the realm burn.  _What are these traitorous thoughts in my head?!_   He surveyed the battle happening around him, realizing how much chaos there was.  Normally, he relished chaos…loved creating mischief and trapping people in his plans.  But this was more than chaos.  This was destruction; this was not even close to what he had planned for Asgard, and he was already tired of it all.  _Revenge has been with me for so long, and yet, even in the thick of my attack, when my force seems to be a challenging match for these “mighty heroes,” it no longer consumes me._   Loki gritted his teeth.  It had been many minutes since he dropped the scepter on the balcony of the tower and his mind didn’t feel so clouded anymore.  He felt played, but he didn’t know by whom.  Before he could think of his next move, Loki felt the pull in his mind toward the Other.

            “This is a little resistance?” he barked.  Loki wasn’t sure what to say.  His mind was in two different places.  One side focusing on what was really true, the other trying to wrestle control to focus on leading an army.  But if his mind had been tampered with, he needed to figure it out on his own… 

            “Your force lacks…finesse,” he said, angrily.  Loki tried to pin his growing anger at the situation off on the Chitauri’s performance thus far.  _How is it my fault that he overestimated the power his force had?_

            “Our warriors are fearless!” the Other growled.  “We welcome our glorious death.” 

            “That may actually be the problem,” Loki bit back, mockingly.  This felt more like him…this banter to point out others’ shortcomings.  He fought to control his emotions, trying to keep his struggle from the Other.

            “Then lead them, King.”  Loki bristled.  “You wield the scepter, do you not?” the Other mocked him right back.

            “The scepter…” Loki’s mind reeled and the connection with the Other was slammed shut.

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He watched himself, like a third-party observer once again.  He didn’t understand how his mind could throw him into this perspective, but he decided to stop questioning it.  He was back on Asgard, chained to that damned piller.  He stared at the expression on his face.  It was positively lit up with anger, but it wasn’t directed at Thor, or even at Odin.  He stared straight into the face of his “savior,” Thanos.  The liar held the scepter in front of Loki as his chained self spat obscenities in his direction.

            “So I have finally caught your attention, illusionist,” he cried, almost hysterical in his disbelief now.  “Is it not enough that you have tainted the love I have for my home?  Taunt me with this no longer, coward!” he shouted, despite the pain in his chest.  He struggled hard to free himself from the chains that bound him.

            _Can this be real?_ Loki questioned himself.  He recalled the version of events he had in his mind previously.  Thanos told him how wrong it was that his family tortured him so, and he offered to release him if he helped retrieve the tesseract.  _But I am so sure and strong in my convictions here_ , he thinks.  _How can this be anything but real?_

            Thanos laughs as he sneers at Loki.  “As you wish, little prince.”  Thanos swung the scepter backwards before slamming it forward into Loki’s chest.  Loki’s eyes were blown wide in pain.  He stares up at Thanos and forces himself to smirk at Thanos’s pleased face.

            “You will regret the day you ruined my mind, illusionist,” Loki predicts.  He closed his eyes as the scepter began the process of altering his mind.

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A large blast forced Loki back into the present as he dropped onto the balcony of Stark Tower.  He didn’t know how he got there, but his mind was spinning with the weight of the last memory.  Before he even had time to process anything further, the great green beast was hurling him through the air.  As he hit the wall, Loki could feel his mind jarring once again.

            “Enough!” he shouted.  The beast was advancing and he couldn’t take any more of this.  _No more questioning…no more touching…no more…I just want to be left alone_ , his mind cried.  “You are, all of you, beneath me!  I am a god, you dull creature, and I will not be bullied by--”  Loki saw it was too late.  The creature picked him up and swung him back and forth into the floor until he was satisfied that Loki would not be rejoining the fight.

            “Puny god,” the beast said, leaping from the balcony. 

            Loki laid there in shock for a few moments, wheezing from the pain.  But then he began to laugh.  It felt like something had been dislodged in his brain, finally.  Like the fingers that had been stuck into his memories were not grasping them so tightly.  He began to laugh harder, until he started coughing and needed to turn onto his side.  A sense of relief washed over him. 

            And there was that damned pull, again…  “Loki!” the Other shouted.  He could only laugh in response.  “Where is the great leader we were promised?” he accused. 

            Loki coughed deeply a few times.  “I warned Thanos,” Loki taunted, his voice gravelly.  “I told him he would regret altering my mind,” he said, satisfied.  He closed his eyes and tried to drone out the battle outside.  _I can get through this_ , he told himself.

            The Other started to laugh back at him, now.  “Oh what stories you weave, King,” the Other goaded.  “I don’t know what tricks you’ve played on yourself to explain away your actions, but we did nothing to your mind,” he said.  “If this is your plan to lull your brother into taking you back to Asgard for your revenge, then so be it.  But **we** did nothing to change the truth, and Thanos will expect the tesseract at the very least,” he threatened.  The connection was cut very suddenly, then, and Loki wasn’t expecting it.  It felt different from every other time these weird “check-ins” were performed.  It felt as though a string had been cut; a severe finality to the connection. 

            As his vision started to come back into focus, Loki moved to sit up.  He heard movement next to him and turned around to look.  The six Avengers were staring down at him.  One even pointed a bow and arrow right in his face!  _How rude!_   One look to Thor, though, and Loki knew.  _He knew I wasn’t quite myself_ , he thinks, hoping against everything that Thor would protect him once again.  He needed to show Thor that he understood, as well.  He may not have been there for the conversation with the strange man of iron, but Thor would appreciate this concession.  “If it’s all the same to you,” he sighed, staring up at Thor, “I’ll have that drink now.”  He smirked.  Thor’s eyes lit up, even though he said nothing to his band of warriors.  It was the last time he saw Thor before a few of them dragged Loki out of the room.

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Thor stared at him with wide, shining eyes.  “Loki,” he started.  Loki just glared back at Thor and turned away.  He had put his trust in him, but now he was extremely unsure.  He had a metal bit shoved into his mouth shortly after being dragged away from Thor, and his brother hadn’t come to see him for days.  This ridiculous “muzzle” prevented all movement and his jaw ached from being forced into the same position for days on end.  In truth, Thor fought hard to get Loki extradited to Asgard for “justice.”  Unfortunately, that fight had to also include deception.  He knew his mortal friends would not relinquish his brother if they felt he wouldn’t be made to pay for his crimes, even if he had been out of his mind.  “Brother,” Thor said, his voice heavy with emotion.  “They will not understand,” he said.  Loki tried to fight back a sob and flinched heavily when Thor put his hand on the back of his neck.  “I promise I am doing this to protect you, Loki.  When we are home, we will sort it all out, please,” Thor pleaded, looking Loki right in his eyes. 

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Loki ran into Thor’s arms, crying.  “Thor!” he sobbed.  “Söen is coming to punish me, brother,” he said, sniffling.

            “What happened, Loki?” Thor wrapped his arms around his younger brother and ruffled his hair.  Before Loki could respond, Söen ran into the hallway with an angry look on his face.

            “Loki!  You can’t hide behind your brother,” he spat.  “You must be brought to justice!” he challenged.

            “Söen!” Thor exclaimed.  “What is going on?”  Thor held Loki tighter to him.

            “He cast an illusion on me in front of my family’s entire household!” he whispered, loudly.  “I was in a very womanly dress,” he seethed.  Loki couldn’t stifle his laughter and Thor clamped a hand over his mouth.

            “Söen, please, I am sure Loki meant no harm,” Thor said, trying to mollify the situation.

            “Of course not!” Loki said, his wide eyes staring back at Söen.  Söen just glared back in return.  Loki looked up at Thor. “Söen likes wearing dresses,” he said.  At this point, Söen’s face had gotten very red.  “I just wanted to help him be himself around all those he loves most!” Loki explained.  Söen was practically shaking in anger and embarrassment.  Thor placed his hand on the back of Loki’s neck, touching his forehead to Loki’s, and sighed.

            “He lies,” Söen accused, balling his hands into fists.  “Nothing I do is ergi!  How easy for you to weave these lies to protect yourself.”  Thor pulled Loki behind him, then, taking a defensive stance.

            “My brother is young, Söen, and he doesn’t understand how he has wronged you,” Thor said.  “He doesn’t deserve the justice you want, and you will have to go through me if you want to get to him.”  Thor stood tall. 

            Söen gritted his teeth as a few tears slipped down his face.  “This isn’t over,” he said, turning quickly and leaving the hall.

            Loki grabbed onto Thor’s shirt.  “What was wrong about my illusion, brother?  I thought Söen would be happy!” he said.  “He always looked happy in dresses, when I saw him…”

            Thor turned around and hugged Loki again.  “It wasn’t wrong, Loki…” he tried.  Sighing, he looked into Loki’s eyes.  “They will not understand, brother,” he said.  “And you should learn not to tell others’ secrets,” he tried to explain.

 

In the end, Thor explained everything to their father, and Loki, indeed, did not face justice.  But he was unable to stop the gossip that started to spread around Asgard about the god of “lies.”

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 _They will not understand……._   Loki blinked back tears and hung his head in defeat.  _He may protect me as best he can, but it won’t always be enough…_   Seeing this as acceptance to his words, Thor started putting the chains on Loki’s wrists.  The final straw for Loki was the magic binding spell that was woven into them, and the whispers floating up into his head.  _“Oh what stories you weave, King……._ _I don’t know what tricks you’ve played on yourself to explain away your actions, but we did nothing to your mind.”_   He stared at Thor in horror, unable to believe his mistake.  _“… **we** did nothing to change the truth.”_


	6. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor & Loki are back on Asgard! And bickering like crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! Here's a brand new chapter for you all! <3 BreakingBadLikeABoss requested some nice heart-to-heart moment between the brothers, so here's an entire snarky, dramatic (because Loki's a little shit like that), angsty, love filled chapter for you. In truth, this whole chapter wasn't part of my story outline, so this story just got a whole other chapter longer, but I love this chapter. It was a lot of fun. 
> 
> The reference to Darcy's football favorite is a nod to AnnieMar's fabulous story "Manic Taser Dream Girl." I loved her story so much, and Darcy is a fabulous character that I wish was more present in the Marvel universe. :) What else can I say? I hope you enjoy reading this. It was a hoot and a half with these two.

            “I swear by Odin’s remaining eye, Thor…” Loki threatened.  “If you touch me one more time with your heavy-handed gestures of comfort, I’ll not wait to sort myself out.  I’ll simply take the tesseract and lay it at Thanos’s feet,” he ground out, clenching his hands into fists and staring defiantly up into Thor’s eyes.  The brothers had been walking for over an hour now, travelling back to the heart of Asgard.  The tesseract hadn’t deposited them upon the rainbow bridge, but instead, upon the entrance to an old fortress deep in the mountains.  With the Bifrost destroyed, it was the next most powerful landing site.  The entire trek down, Loki had worked to evade Thor and guard himself from his brother, but Thor had had enough, and they had taken to arguing for the past few minutes. 

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_Earlier that day_

The moment they landed, Thor had removed the muzzle and chains that had been placed on Loki.  It had helped calm Loki’s mind a bit, but he still felt it could have been a trick to make him complacent upon his arrival at the palace.  And so, after staring at Thor for a minute longer than he should have, he’d run, with Thor cursing right behind him.

            “Damnit, Loki!  Stop running!”  Thor pounded after him, the tesseract swinging back and forth in its container.

            “No!” he shouted back, working the kinks out of his jaw and giving Thor a quick backwards glance before picking up his pace.  “Stop following!” Loki shouted, spelling some rocks to fall in Thor’s path as they raced along the mountain trail.  Thor tucked the tesseract container under one of his arms and vaulted over the rocks, feeling very much like one of those American football players he had seen on the moving picture window back on Midgard.  Lady Darcy was particularly fond of the purple ones…the Saints. 

            When one of the smaller rocks hit him in the face, Thor took off, quicker than before.  “Stop following?” he hollered, looking at Loki incredulously.  “Bor’s left nut, we’re going to the same place!” he yelled after him.

            “I don’t think Odin would appreciate your phrasing, brother,” Loki taunted.  He skidded to a sudden stop when the path dropped off to a cliff face and almost got barreled into by Thor.  “Would you watch it?” he screeched, taking a shaky breath and straightening out his coat.  “My face looks particularly presentable today,” he said.  _Really, it doesn’t_ , he thought.  “And I’d rather not ride it down the mountain.”  Loki shoved Thor further back from him as he turned to climb down.  Thor snorted at his antics and jumped off the cliff, using Mjolnir to break his fall when he landed.

            “Hurry up, brother.  I don’t have all day,” Thor shouted up at him, snickering when Loki scrabbled on the rocks a bit.  Loki rolled his eyes and let out a long-suffering sigh.

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            “Why must you be this way?” Thor growled.  “Can you not simply look at my face and see the truth plain as always?” he challenged.  “You have always taunted me for being too much an open book.  Why can you no longer see me?” he asked, his arm reaching out on instinct.  Loki took a step away from his grasp, covering his eyes with the heels of his palms.

            “It’s not the same,” he gritted out, turning his burning eyes up to Thor.  “It is as if my mind has been cleaved in two,” he confessed, shaking with the weight of what he was about to say, “and I cannot look upon you…upon Asgard…upon all these wretched memories, and piece what is the truth in my own mind.”  Thor stared down at Loki, the silence spreading awkwardly between them.  Loki, for his part, was staring at the ground.  “And every time you place your damnable hands upon my neck, or wrap me in one of your ridiculous bone-crushing hugs, it is Valhalla spreading from my heart and Hel crawling under my skin,” he lamented.  “I have missed you, and I have feared being with you with every fiber of my being at the same time…” Loki took a step closer and wrapped a pinky finger around Thor’s.  While he continued to stare at the ground, Thor was beaming down at him with tears in his eyes.  Small though the gesture was, it was huge progress.  Loki had initiated a small fraction of physical contact, which he hadn’t done in decades.  Thor grasped the depth of his languishing in that small gesture, and his heart was bursting.  “And I cannot even begin to explain how ridiculously sentimental it all is,” Loki grumped, tearing his finger away and walking quickly ahead of Thor.  Thor smiled and jogged after him a bit, catching up.

            “Loki, how could you think that I--”

            Loki flinched, immediately interrupting him.  “Don’t say it, Thor,” he warned.  Thor opened his mouth to respond, but Loki just pointed his finger at him.  “You were there,” he said.  “You were right there in my mind’s eye,” he continued, unable to stop himself.  “I saw you, every day, for I know not how long.  You looked just as you do now.  You spoke just as you do now.  You were as open with your feelings then, as you are now.  Truly, brother, had I ever seen you torture another, in this second, more real feeling mind, I would not be standing so near you now.”  Thor’s eyes darkened as he stared back at Loki.

            “Then you have never really seen me, brother,” Thor responded.  He hung his head in defeat.  “You would not be so conflicted if you really knew me,” he said, bitterly.

            _So, once again, it is my fault_ , Loki thought to himself with a smirk.  _I was not strong enough to break the illusion…I was not smart enough to realize I was being duped_.  Loki laughed, now, as Thor looked at him questioningly.  “Once again, you miss the big picture, you big, dumb ox,” he chided.

            “Then explain it to me so I may no longer be your source of amusement,” Thor grumbled.  Loki looked back at him with a predatory look in his eyes, baring his teeth in a wicked grin.

            “Is not the mind a pathway to many memories?” he questioned.  “Not just what we see in front of us?”  Thor nodded his head in agreement.  “And when someone plants illusions in the mind, is it not also possible that they could change what memories we draw from?  Change even the memory itself?” he revealed.  Thor furrowed his brow in concentration.

            “It is but an illusion, brother,” he countered.  “When it no longer holds its power over you, surely the truth is plain to see.” 

            “Ah, but when your life is all an illusion, _brother_ , how do you know where the truth lies?” Loki finished.  And Thor had no easy reply for that.  Loki loved tricks and illusion.  He loved mischief and fooling others.  But it was more than that.  It was Loki’s whole life being brought up to believe he was an Aesir man, only to find it was a glamor.  And while the Trickster loved tricks, Thor knew that was one he would never play on anyone.  Thor had been furious to find out his parents had kept this from them for so long.  And he could understand that not being able to cope with that knowledge and being led straight into a torturous environment would make it increasingly difficult to separate from the illusion, but…

            “It still should not continue to plague you once you were released,” Thor argued.  Loki ground his teeth, trying to keep his anger in check.

            “And who says it has released me, Thor?” Loki challenged.  “Who says this is not now all an illusion or some great scheme you and Odin have concocted to bring me back for my full punishment?” he asked.  Thor grabbed Loki’s leather tunic in frustration, pulling him towards his chest.

            “I say!” Thor howled.  “What would I gain from torturing you, brother?”

            “I don’t know!” Loki shouted back, pushing against Thor’s arm.  “I have never known…” he whispered, scrambling away from Thor.

            “Never known?” Thor said, accusingly.  He took a step back, seeing Loki in a new light.  “Loki, tell me this instant, when have I tortured you in the past?” he pleaded.  “Explain to me so we may break these illusions for good, or work through our real troubles.”  Thor dropped the tesseract container to focus more on Loki and keep them grounded in one place.  They were coming close to the outskirts of the main city in Asgard and Thor wanted to understand before facing their father.  Loki turned away from him, though, and started to walk towards the city.

            “Leave it, Thor,” he replied, feeling drained from everything already.  “If I can’t figure out my own mind, surely you could straighten it out no further,” he spat.

            “Loki…” Thor grabbed his wrist to keep him from walking away.  “Stop hiding your pain and share it with me.  I only wish to help you.” _And here are the puppy dog eyes and the water works,_ Loki thought.  He pulled at his arm, trying to free his wrist from Thor’s grasp, but Thor just held on tighter.

            “I’ve said too much already.  Let me GO, Thor!” Loki hissed at him, continuing to struggle.

            “No, you stubborn cow!  Tell me where your mind is confused!” Thor struggled to keep his grasp as Loki started to kick out at him.

            “Bird brain!  Let me go!”  Loki landed a hard kick to Thor’s solar plexus that sent him flying backwards.  Unfortunately, Thor dragged Loki right along with him and they landed in a heap next to the tesseract.  Loki stared at it for some time before sitting up, pulling Thor with him.  Thor wouldn’t let go of his wrist, and it was making Loki anxious.  He glared at the cube, then.  The energy from the tesseract seemed to call out to him, whispering to the darker side of his memories, to the ones he tried hard to convince himself weren’t real.  “And get that thing away from me!  I don’t want anything to do with these things.”  Loki huffed and kicked the containment vessel, watching it skitter slightly to the left.

            Thor glared at Loki, tired of his childishness.  “Enough of this.  If you plan to persist in this mood, then I shall treat you as a child and give you a leash to wander around on,” Thor said, placing one cuff of the magic-binding chains on the wrist that he still held on to and the other around his own.

            “No!” Loki wrenched his body away from Thor suddenly, clutching at his head.  Thor’s words and actions were of his kind brother, but the chains were for a prisoner…from the dark brother his memories also told him to remember.  “Not again,” he wailed.  “Thor, I can’t keep doing this.  Either I am for the post or I am free to take my leave,” he tried.  Thor placed his hand on Loki’s shoulder, beginning to sense a different kind of distress, and Loki cried out as a particularly dark vision filled his mind.

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            “Thor…” Loki cried, hiding under the covers of his bed.  Loki was only five, but Thor was older…Thor was eight…Thor controlled the storms Loki was afraid of.

            Thor stared out into Loki’s dark room.  “Loki??” he called, laughing.  A bolt of lightning struck across the sky as it continued to storm outside the open window.  Loki cried out louder this time, tightening the blankets around himself, trying to hide from the storm.

            Thor chuckled.  “Does the thunder and lightning bother you, brother?” he goaded him.  Loki peeked his head out at Thor from under his covers and looked up at him with shining emerald eyes, trying to act tough.

            “No,” Loki whispered, biting down on his quivering lip.  “No, I’m not scared,” he said.

            “Loki,” Thor sneered.  “I’m the god of thunder and lightning!” he touted.  “I could calm the storm if it displeases you,” he laughed as he watched Loki shiver underneath the covers and let out another loud crack of lightning and thunder.  He even went so far as to draw a bolt to the tree just outside Loki’s window.  When the tree burst into flames and Loki had wet the bed, Thor left his room.  “Don’t forget I’m stronger, brother.”

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Loki staggered to his feet, turning his eyes towards the tesseract again.  “Get that bloody thing away from me!” he screamed, kicking the container much further into the woods.  Thor could tell that Loki’s stability had drastically changed as he watched the container crash into a tree, cracking the glass slightly.  He turned back to Loki, his heart clenching painfully.

            “I wish I knew what you were seeing, brother,” he mumbled, guiltily.  Thor stood and Loki’s eyes blew wide in fear.  Loki tried to run again, but he had forgotten about the chain in his haste and it pulled painfully against his wrist as it hurtled him back towards Thor.

            “Brother, no,” he whispered.  Thor caught him around the waist as he fell, but Loki just cried out louder as his mind fractured around him, “No!”

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Loki stood on Thor’s balcony, waiting for his brother to come outside.  He had invited Loki to play a game, and he seemed in a particularly good mood today.  He stuck out his tongue as Thor approached.  “Ready to be beaten, brother?” he teased, smiling.  “What game are we to play?”

            “Loki!” Thor grinned, grabbing him around the waist.  “It’s called, how fast can Loki transform,” he revealed, holding Loki’s body over the balcony wall. Loki’s eyes widened in fear as he stared at the ground far below. 

            His voice shook as he asked, “And how do we play?”  Loki clutched at Thor’s fingers, trying to hold onto him.

            “Well, if you can save yourself from this fall and manage to best me, you win,” Thor replied, brightly, throwing Loki from the balcony.  Loki screamed as he worked to desperately turn himself into a bird.  When he had managed that, he flew to the ground and transformed back to himself, staring up at Thor.  Thor was laughing as he looked down at him.  “Well played, brother!” he called.  “But you have yet to best me,” he said.  Loki transformed into a raven and made to fly to his own balcony before discreetly changing into a snake.  _Better that Thor think I ended the game and went to my room_ , he thought bitterly.  He could still hear Thor laughing from the next balcony over as he slithered to the vines that covered the palace wall.  He knew Thor loved snakes.   _He won’t be able to resist picking me up._  

            When he had made it over to Thor’s balcony, Lokisnake slithered towards Thor’s hand and let him run his fingers over his head and down his spine.  “I love snakes,” Thor said, transfixed.  He picked Lokisnake up and continued talking to him.  “I know it is you, brother,” he warned, starting to squeeze Loki’s small snake body.  Loki refocused on his objective and transformed back into himself.  Thor had his hand around Loki’s throat, cutting off his airway, but Loki already had a small dagger ready in his hand.  He stabbed Thor hard and pushed away from him, transforming once again into a raven.

            “Damnit, Loki!” Thor yelled.

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Thor pulled his hands away as soon as he had touched Loki, letting him slide down to his knees.  He watched, feeling responsible, as Loki buried his face in his hands and slunk to the ground.  “I’m sorry, Loki…” he same, lamely.

            “You dumb, giant OAF!” Loki sobbed.  “It’s too much, Thor,” he told him.  “It’s too much…”  Loki took a deep breath and grabbed two fistfuls of hair to remind himself he was in the present.  “There’s two sides to every memory,” he explained, taking another deep breath.  “In one, I remember you as you want me to remember you now…as my brother who has always protected me, loved me unconditionally.”  Loki slid his hands down to the dirt and dug his fingers in to ground himself more.  “In the other, I remember you as I most often do, as someone who tormented me growing up and tortured me upon Odin’s orders.”  Loki took in deep lungfuls of air as Thor came to sit beside him.

            “When you calm down, give me your hand,” he soothed.

            “Why?” Loki challenged, his face still obscured by his hair and resting on the ground.

            “So I can remove this cruel item from your wrist,” Thor explained, his voice swimming with emotion.  Loki released the dirt from his fists and took another shaky breath.

            “Swear to me, Thor,” he said, solemnly.  “On pain of death,” he started.  “No…not even your death, for you would give it easily.  Swear to me on pain of Odin’s death that you mean no harm to me.  Swear to me that the memories I want to believe are the real ones are truly you,” he tested.

            “And shall I so swear,” Thor replied, clenching his hands into fists.  “Any harm between us is mere jest, brother.  It is the squabbles we have always had; our too great, easily provoked tempers, and nothing more.”  Loki took one more deep cleansing breath and slid his wrist over to Thor.  When Thor removed the cuff, Loki’s anxiety dropped as his magic surrounded him like a security blanket.  He sat up and looked over at Thor.

            “You’re a good brother, some days,” he smiled.  Loki took a deep breath, and on the exhale, he let out a wave of his seidr.  It was meant to jokingly knock Thor over.  At the very least, rustle his hair.  Unfortunately, it also broke open the glass on the tesseract’s containment unit.  Thor rushed to his feet to retrieve it, but the cube somehow activated itself and swallowed the brothers up with it.

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The tesseract transported them right to the public square in Asgard.  Thor stumbled, catching himself when he landed, and Loki fell onto his behind.  In shock, the Einherjar surrounded them both, unsure where they came from and momentarily distracted from who they were.  The tesseract, ever a tease for Loki, now, landed right next to the pillar he had been bound to.  Thor turned his back to Loki and the Einherjar to retrieve the tesseract and chuckled.   “Well, that was fun,” Thor joked. 

A pause.  A breeze blew through their hair.

            “No!” Loki whispered, misunderstanding Thor’s words.  Thor turned around and stared right into his horrified face.  Loki turned to him and charged.  “You promised!” he wept, as the dagger slipped between Thor’s ribs.


	7. The Throne

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is brought before Odin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! A new chapter right on my birthday! :D :D :D Your present can be a lovely review for me. Yes? Please? ;) This chapter took me a long while simply because it was very difficult to write. I wasn't sure where to go with Thor, and I certainly didn't know what to do with Odin. My first instinct was to simply show him as the mean bastard he was in Thor: TDW. But, Odin seemed to have something to say about that and I had to rework quite a bit of what I had written originally. Even adding in a whole extra scene for more depth. :) This may be my longest chapter yet! And, guys, I found a new song that will definitely influence how you see the ending of this fic. It'll be beautiful, I promise. But it will also be tragic, just like TDW. I hope you enjoy the chapter!
> 
> Thank you so much to BreakingBadLikeABoss for your help and support in getting this chapter completed.

Thor roared out in pain and anger as Loki’s seidr chained him to the pillar behind him.  The Einherjar rushed in to break up the fight and protect the crown prince, grabbing Loki forcefully while two others ran to Thor.  People in the square were starting to stare at the scene before them.  Whispering about the younger prince.  Loki stared around wildly at them as the guards started hauling him away.

            “You will rue the day, Thor!” Loki shouted at him, watching Thor and the other Einherjar struggle to free Thor from his magic. 

            “Loki!” Thor shouted after him.  “Stop this, brother!  You are safe!!” he pleaded.

            “I’ll burn Asgard to the ground for your treachery!” Loki screamed, working to tighten the bindings that wove around Thor’s body.  Another few guards came running from the direction of the palace carrying heavy chains with them.  Loki spied the powerful runes worked into them that would bind his seidr and started to laugh darkly.  “I’ll cut off my own hands, if I have to, but you’ll not keep my seidr from me for long,” he warned, sneering at the approaching guards and fighting fiercely to get free.  “Not this time,” he whispered to himself, gritting his teeth.  Loki landed a few good kicks before one of the cuffs landed on his wrist.  The bindings around Thor weakened considerably as Loki fought to keep control.  As a last-ditch attempt, Loki turned the bindings into a whip and slammed Thor’s head back against the pillar before his magic was sealed completely and he was drug up to the palace, struggling and screeching to the horror of the crowds watching.  They thought the second prince dead; now here he was, very much alive.  But who was this mad man that wore the prince’s face?

            Thor slumped down against the pillar for a few minutes before coming back to himself and getting to his feet.  The crowds dispersed quickly as thunderclouds appeared in the sky.  “My brother is very ill,” Thor said to the two remaining Einherjar.  “You should have left him to me,” he growled, stomping towards the palace.

            “Your highness!” one of the guards called after him.  “We were simply doing our job,” he explained.  The two started after Thor as he rounded on them.

            “You job is to break up petty fights between me and my brother?” he questioned.

            “He stabbed you, my liege!” the guard replied, dumbfounded.

            “You have clearly never seen Loki and I fight before,” Thor grumbled, turning away and picking up his pace.  “Run ahead and tell my father to stay whatever charge Loki is being brought to.  I have grave news to discuss.”  The Einherjar who had spoken up ran ahead while the other stayed behind with Thor.

            “Your highness, are you sure you’re alright?” the second guard questioned him.  Thor tossed Loki’s small dagger to the side.

            “Yes,” he replied, curtly.  “I’m just fine.”  Thor dragged a hand over his face, already dreading the hard road ahead of him to bring Loki’s mind back from the illusions that had so thoroughly captured it.

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            Odin paced in front of the throne.  There had been a commotion in the town square, and news of it had reached all the way to him while he was holding council.  Not only did he have to dispatch guards to help contain the scene, he needed to break up his meeting to deal with the situation that had arisen.  They had all assumed Loki hadn’t survived falling through the Void.  There was no evidence that he could have survived.  No other stories to draw from to know what to expect.  He felt anger at himself for not even thinking to look for his son.  And now that he knew he was alive, he couldn’t even find joy in the news.  Loki had done unspeakable things on Midgard, and now all of Asgard thought him a madman.  _OK, that’s a slight exaggeration_ , Odin thought.  _Not all of Asgard saw Loki today…_   He sighed.

            “Dear,” Frigga said, interrupting his dark thoughts.  “Loki is alive…  Surely, this is cause to be joyful, not anxious and angry,” she broached.  Odin whirled on her, his expression bleak.

            “We cannot even be sure that the Loki we knew is even still with us,” he fumed.  “Do not celebrate so soon, Frigga.  We have no idea what of our son survived the Void, or if it’s simply a madman that lives in his body,” he admonished.  Frigga’s eyes blazed at him.

            “How dare you!” she exclaimed.  “Loki is our son!” she cried.  “I will fight for as long as it takes to bring him back, if indeed his mind has fled towards madness,” she spat.  “How can you be so quick to condemn him already?”

            “He stabbed our son!” he yelled, giving her a steely gaze.  “If he can so easily attack Thor, threaten his life and the safety of all Asgard, what is to stop him from attacking you?  Attacking any in this realm?  What is to stop him from bringing destruction upon all that we strive to protect?” he questioned.

            “You would use something so small to condemn him to a sentence he doesn’t deserve?” she asked vehemently.

            “NO, I would not!” Odin replied fiercely.  “I would condemn him to a sentence he very much deserves based on his actions already.  He facilitated a WAR, Frigga.  He brought death to thousands of humans on Midgard.  Then, when he is finally brought home, where he belongs, he attacks Thor and prophesies destruction to Asgard,” he accused.  He sat down heavily on the throne and covered his eyes with one of his hands.  “It is not something so small I use to condemn him,” Odin replied shakily.  Frigga stood at the bottom of the stairs to the throne, looking on helplessly at her husband.

            “Odin…” Frigga’s eyes watered, silently pleading him to consider kindness in his decision.

            “No,” he held.  “If our son is taken by madness, it would kinder to send him to the axe than to let that torture continue,” he said, coldly.  “I would not wish madness even on my greatest enemy.”

            “How dare you,” Frigga seethed.  She moved to take a step up toward the throne.  “I should hit you for your stupidity, you ignorant…” she cut off with a sound of great annoyance pulling from the back of her throat.  “I almost cannot look at you right now.”  Her hands balled into fists as she glared up at Odin, a raging fire in her eyes.  Sounds of struggling and chains rattling brought their attention away from each other, however, before Odin could reply.  The loud sound of the throne room doors opening caused Frigga to stand back to the side and Odin to right his posture and steel his features.  They watched silently as their son, whom they thought dead, was dragged in front of them, chained and held by two different guards, two more escorting behind.

            “Loki!” Frigga cried.  She hadn’t seen her son in over a year, and all she wanted was to remove his bindings and wrap him in her arms.  A look from Odin kept her in her place, however.  She worried her hands as she stared helplessly at her son.

            Loki turned his face to her and an image flashed through his mind; her bored face as she watched him being tortured.  He shoved his feelings of fear and agony far down and kept the mad look upon his face.  “Hello mother,” he crooned.  “Have I made you proud?”  He smiled as a sob tore through Frigga’s throat.

            “Please,” she whispered.  “Don’t make this worse.”  Frigga took a breath and made to step closer, but Loki flinched back and she stopped her movements, in concern.  _What has been done to you, my darling boy?_

            He laughed to cover his discomfort. “Define worse,” he replied, grinning.   Frigga’s eyes watered, but before she could respond, a guard burst through the door, panting heavily.

            “Your majesty,” he said, kneeling in front of Odin with a fist over his heart.  “I have a message from Prince Thor.  He was injured in the square, but he is making his way to the palace,” he said.  The heavy thump of Gungnir hitting the floor sounded throughout the room.

            “Enough,” Odin proclaimed, exasperated and overly tired with all the commotion.  “I will speak to the prisoner alone,” he ordered.  Frigga glared up at him one last time before turning on her heel to leave.  He knew this would lead to further arguments soon after.  Odin spoke to the guard who had run in unexpectedly, “And tell my son that he is needed on Vanaheim.  A battle has broken out and the Warriors are already expecting him.”

            _My son…_ Loki thought, bitterly.  _Did you not, at any point, have two sons?_ His mind raged.  Loki stared up at Odin before another memory tore through him.

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“Stop!” Odin shouted, as Loki picked up the Casket of Winters.  His hands shook badly.

            “Am I cursed?” he asked, looking on, horrified, as his skin turned blue.  He stared, transfixed at the black nails that covered the tips of his fingers, and the ridges that ran all over his skin.

            “No,” Odin replied, softly.  Loki turned around to look at Odin in his true form.

            “What am I?” he demanded, as the glamour once again took over his features.  His heart rate calmed slightly, feeling his body return to its “normal” state.

            “You’re my son,” Odin declared, strongly.  Loki’s heart clenched painfully and he bit his lip to prevent a sob from falling from his lips.

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Another vision; Loki sat beside Odin while he was in the Odinsleep. Frigga, on the other side of the large bed, looked at him, distraught.  Loki felt numb beside his not-parents and such a strong sense of guilt for bringing on Odin’s sleep. 

            “I asked him to be honest with you from the beginning,” Frigga said.  She felt so lost, having this conversation in this manner, instead of together with Odin.  Together to reassure him of their love.  “There should be no secrets in a family,” she whispered, wanting badly to stroke his face.

            “So why did he lie?” Loki questioned, petulantly.  He just couldn’t understand it.  This one lie changed his entire life.  It changed every word his father had ever spoken to him.  Things he’d said in the past took on new meanings, while at the same time causing him to question if anything he said was 100% truthful.

            “He kept the truth from you so you would never feel different.”  Frigga worried her hands as she looked into Loki’s eyes.  She saw the pain and anger flaring in them.  “You are our son, Loki,” she affirmed.  “And we your family.  You must know that,” she implored, desperately, reaching out to him.  Loki took her hand across the bed, but stared at the floor.  He felt ashamed for feeling like he was looking at strangers, now.  His heart ached to just curl up on his non-mother’s lap and simply tell himself it didn’t matter.  But his mind wouldn’t leave him alone.  It never did.  _If I have never truly been your son, what else has never truly been?_ His mind questioned.  _I need to know…_

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Another vision, Loki as a young teen.  He opened his eyes, recognizing the healer’s hall, and turned his head to the side.  His father was there, looking at him, distraught.

            “My son,” he said, his eye welling up with tears.

            “Father!” Loki exclaimed.  “What has happened?” he asked.  Loki sat up and reached his hand towards Odin’s face.  “Father, you’re crying,” he said, with panic in his voice.  Odin rose from the chair he was sitting in and pulled Loki into his arms.

            “My son,” he said again.

            “Yes,” Loki laughed, patting his father’s back.  “My father, a man of few words,” he joked.  Odin laughed and ruffled his hair.

            “You were riding with Thor,” he began.  “You truly don’t remember?” Odin asked.  Loki shook his head, looking up at Odin from where he was being held.  Odin hugged him tighter before continuing.  “Thor thought it might be a bit of fun to zap your horse with some lightening,” he continued.  Loki groaned and rolled his eyes.

            “Don’t these stories always start with ‘Thor thought?’” Loki joked again, causing Odin to chuckle.

            “Perhaps,” Odin smiled.  “We were worried you might not wake.” Odin took a sharp breath and released Loki.  He slumped back into the chair by the bed and let out a long exhale, the stress starting to drain away.  “It’s been a few days,” his father explained.  “You were knocked pretty hard in the head,” he finished.

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            Loki was jolted from the vision by the guards pulling on the chains that contained him.  His vision swam, but he schooled his features quickly.  After all, he had these memories before, but despite his father’s words, he still tortured him, didn’t he?  Loki laughed, “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he said.

            “So it was not you who showed up on Midgard to wreak havoc, and bring war, ruin, and death to their realm?” Odin pursued.  Loki wasn’t sure how to explain that little bit of madness, but he shivered at the accusation Odin threw in his face.  Yes, he absolutely intended to do just that, and bring it all to Asgard afterward.  _It was what you deserved for your treachery_ , he thought.  But a very small part of him also said it absolutely was not what they deserved.  So he did what he did best.  He fed Odin the lie Thanos had given to him.

            “I went down to Midgard to rule the people of Earth as a benevolent god,” he said, smoothly.

            “Do you not truly feel the gravity of your crimes?” Odin questioned.  He stared into Loki’s eyes with his one good one, intimidating and unrelenting in his search for the truth.  He needed to understand from Loki what had happened.  _Please, son, for once in your adult life, don’t lie to me_ , Odin thought desperately.  Loki said nothing.  He just continued to stare ferally at Odin and, finally, began to laugh, the longer the silence stretched on.  Heimdall wasn’t known to lie about what he witnessed.  It was part of his oath as Watcher.  But Heimdall couldn’t watch Loki all the time, and indeed there were many pieces that seemed to be missing from the account he gave.  Odin tried another tactic.  “All this, just because Loki desires a throne,” he quipped, leaning back into the throne.  Loki scoffed, barely containing an eye-roll.

            _Seriously?_ Loki thought.  _Game on, old man…_   Loki put on an arrogant mask before he replied in the haughtiest tone he could manage.  _You won’t break me again_ , he decided.  “It is my birthright,” he asserted.  “To be king,” he clarified.  “Is that not what you told me my entire life?” Loki mocked.  Odin’s face hardened as he feared the worst. 

            _My son is lost…_ Odin thought.  _Loki couldn’t be this cruel to the ones he loves.  Not if he was in his right mind._  He tried one last time to wrench any kind of reaction from his son that didn’t point straight to his evident madness.  “Your birthright,” he began, pronouncing a very harsh ‘t.’  “was to die…” he let that hang there for a second, gauging Loki’s reaction.  But it seemed to brush by him, unphased.  “as a child.”  Odin grit his teeth, getting angrier and angrier as he went on.  “Cast out onto a frozen rock.”  His eyes blazed as he watched Loki’s face continue to mock him and show his disdain for being in his presence.  “If I had not taken you in, you would not be here now to hate me,” Odin finished.  And still, Loki said nothing, showed nothing, revealed nothing.  _My son would not stand idly and take this kind of abuse from me_ , Odin reasoned with himself.  _He would fight me on this point, or perhaps shout and rage and be incredibly hurt._ And it was on this reasoning that he laid his son to rest in his mind.  Before him was an imposter wearing his son’s face, and it burned him with every moment he had to continue staring at him.  This ruse stole his son’s voice just to be cruel to those around him.

            There was a heavy pounding on the doors to the throne room and Thor’s booming voice could be heard from behind them.  “Father!” Thor screamed.  Loki flinched and moved to the side, close to where Frigga had disappeared, but the guards just pulled him back to where he was.  He began to panic as flashes of his previous torture flew through his mind.  Thor with Mjolnir…  Odin, plunging Gungnir through his chest.  Loki’s head whipped to the side as a crash of lightning and thunder sounded.  Thor had caught up with him.   _He’s come to convince Odin to lash me back to that blasted pillar_ , Loki’s horrified mind supplied.  His shaking hands rattled the chains around him, and he tried to calm his racing heart.  Odin, for his part, ignored Thor, but in his anger, missed Loki’s reactions.  Loki laughed hysterically.

            “If I am for the axe,” he said, mimicking Odin’s earlier thoughts, unknowingly, “then for mercy’s sake, just swing it.”  Loki held up his bound hands.  Binding magic was a cruel practice, but most Seidrmadrs would never admit it.  It was too great a weakness to reveal to an enemy.  Most who were bound, however, lost their minds from the suppression.  It may take a while, but it was never pretty to watch.  Personally, Loki was surprised no one outside the magic community had realized this by now, for he knew not a one that hadn’t succumbed to madness if bound for good.  If the choice was to slowly go mad, or a quick beheading, Loki knew which option he’d take, for he felt half mad already.  Odin’s face turned red with anger and shame.  Anger at this thing for stealing his son’s life and shame for having considered killing him just as the imposter wanted.  “It’s not that I don’t love our talks,” Loki taunted.  “It’s just…I don’t love them,” he laughed, jingling the chains again.

            Odin glared at Loki as Thor continued to pound on the door and generally raise a ruckus.  He clenched his fist tighter around Gungnir, unsure what to do.  But he refused to listen to the madman in his son’s body any longer.  _I need time to think,_ he thought.  _How can I possibly be the one to condemn my son to die?_   His mind roared as considered the possibility.  But Loki was dangerous, now.  He didn’t plan to just disappear if he let him go.  In fact, he actively planned to strike out against Thor, against Frigga, against Asgard itself.  And it was with this infuriating thought in mind that he grasped onto a sentence that he could live with for now, and Frigga would grudgingly accept.  “Frigga is ‘ _(perhaps)’_ the only reason you’re still alive,” Odin informed him.  B _ecause I am a coward_ , he thought, hiding his true emotions. 

 _No…_ , Loki thought.  

            “You will spend the rest of your days in the dungeon,” Odin declared. 

 _No…_ Loki’s mind cried out. 

            _You would simply bury your shame?  Leave me to rot and stew in this madness that overtakes me?_   Loki glared up at Odin, now.  Death was almost preferred to this.  Years upon decades upon centuries of nothing; that was what awaited him.

            “Your magic bound, so you are no longer a danger to others, or to yourself,” Odin decreed. 

_No…no…no…_

            Loki stared at Odin in shock.  The man himself had his own, quite powerful magic.  Did he not know what it was to be bound?  Loki lashed out at the guards as another vision overtook him.

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Loki was in Odin’s private office.  Thor had been banished.  His tormentor since childhood.  And Loki needed to find the truth of what happened to him on Jotunheim.  “The casket wasn’t the only thing you took from Jotenheim that day, was it?” he accused Odin.

            “No,” Odin replied, indifferent, looking over papers.  “In the aftermath of the battle I went into the temple and I found a baby,” he explained.  “Small, for a giant’s offspring, but well protected.  Meant to be guarded against all costs.  Laufey’s son,” Odin sighed.

            “Laufey’s son…” Loki stared at Odin in horror.

            “Yes,” Odin confirmed, continuing to look at the papers on his desk.

            “Why?” Loki’s head swum with questions.  “Why did you take m?”

            “Why?” Odin laughed and looked up.  “Why not?” he said.  “You were such a prize to be won, _my son_ ,” Odin sneered.  “What better way to defeat my greatest enemy than to take his most prized possession?  And then turn him against his very nature!” Odin smiled and Loki reeled back, shocked.  “Besides, there was a high chance there would be war again, and it would have been easy to rule their realm through you?” Odin went back to his papers.  “But those plans no longer matter, with Thor gone,” he finished, signing the document in front of him.

            “Is that why?” Loki asked in a whisper.  “All these years, the stories about the Jotun monsters…telling me I could one day be king…” Loki’s nails dug into his palms, his knuckles white.  “Why you favored that psychopath all these years, no matter what you said about loving me,” Loki challenged.

            Odin laughed, hard, gripping his desk to steady himself.  “And, what?  You thought I would let a frost giant sit on the throne of Asgard?” he asked.  Odin fell back in his chair, continuing to laugh until Loki fled his office with tears streaming down his face.

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Gungnir hit the floor, dragging Loki out of the vision.  He slammed his hands against his head.  _No!  Get out of my mind!!_ he raged, internally.  Loki raced towards the throne, pulling a dagger from a hidden sheath in his jacket.  The guards pulled hard on the chains that surrounded him and he was flung back, hitting the floor and dislodging the dagger from his grasp.  The Einherjar pulled Loki to his feet and made to leave the throne room.  “You were never my father,” Loki screamed at him.  “Only a truly heartless man could sentence me thus,” he accused.  Odin stared at him impassively as he was halfway to the exit.  “Only a COWARD would treat me thus,” he yelled.  Odin turned his face away, unable to watch any longer, unable to listen to his son beg him for death.  Thor barged into the throne room as they were dragging Loki away.  In a last-ditch attempt to secure himself a quick death, Loki cried out, almost right beside Thor, “And what of Thor?  You’ll make that witless oaf king while I rot in chains?” he cackled.  Thor turned around to stare at Loki, anger flooding his face.  Loki grinned at him maniacally, willing Thor to take up Mjolnir against him once more as he was dragged out of the room.  Thor started after him, but Odin’s voice gave him pause.

            “My son,” he called.

            “You had two in your presence,” Thor replied, turning around, a dark scowl on his face.  “To whom do you speak?” he asked.  Odin rose from the throne and made his way down.

            “I speak to the only one who has full control over his own mind,” Odin growled, angry at Thor’s backtalk.

            “Then, perhaps, you have no sons at all,” Thor challenged him.  Gungnir hit the floor once again and Thor fell down to one knee, chastised.  “I am sorry, father,” he apologized, staring at ground.  “It’s just that Loki is quite ill, and I am angry that you did not let me speak with you before sentencing a sick man,” Thor explained, looking up into Odin’s face.  Odin’s expression softened and he bid Thor to rise.

            “Thor,” he said.  “The man I just spoke with is not your brother.  The Void has claimed his mind,” he said.

            “It is not so!” Thor roared, gripping Mjolnir.  Gungnir hit the floor in two quick successions, and Thor dropped Mjolnir to the ground.  He raked his hands through his hair in frustration and started towards the doors to the throne room.  He turned around.  “Father…I swear to you, Loki is still there.  His memories seem to have been tampered with by some kind of powerful mind stone,” he explained.  “He thinks he spent the last year in Asgard, being tortured by us!”  Thor threw his hands against his temples and roared again.  “You cannot do this to him!  He needs help!”

            Odin sighed heavily and turned back towards the throne.  “You are needed on Vanaheim, Thor,” Odin replied.  “I’m sure your mother will be looking after Loki in the meanwhile,” he sighed.  “We all have our own responsibilities.  We cannot simply forget our duty to the Nine.”  Odin sat down upon the throne once again.  “Now, go.  Vanaheim needs you, and I have a court waiting,” he said. 

            Mjolnir was in Thor’s hand in seconds, and he glared up at Odin, gritting his teeth together.  Without saying a word, he stormed out of the room.  The heavens opened in a frightening storm to display his displeasure.  He planned to find his mother before embarking to Vanaheim.  Loki’s laughter echoed in his mind as he stomped towards her chambers.


	8. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What's in a mother?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies! :) It seems too long since I updated, so I apologize for this late installment. However, my writing is better when the muse inspires me, so hopefully this more than makes up with the wait. ;) I really love how this chapter turned out, and I hope you all do as well. My next chapter might jump quite a bit in time in TDW. Just a warning. I find it sad that the MCU doesn't develop Frigga's character much, so here's my interpretation of how things may have been, if we'd gotten a closer look. She had a whole life before children and Odin, so I think some of that would have involved caring for her own people before coming to Asgard. She's a fierce warrior lady, but also the Allmother. You don't take a title like that without some strong mothering instincts. I'm excited to present this chapter to you and I hope you like it. Let me know your thoughts, if you have a little time! <3

The queen of Asgard paced in her chambers, wringing her hands in an anxious way.  She was still seething with anger, and afraid of what Odin would do with her son when provoked.  She saw the chains that bound Loki when he arrived and realized almost immediately after leaving the throne room what they were doing to his mind.  She wanted to rush back in afterward, but the guards at the door blocked even her from entering.  When she knew the audience was over, she sent Hugin to Odin with a rather nasty message from her.  Suddenly there was a knock at her door.  _I hope Odin has the good sense to stay away_ , she thought petulantly.  She threw open the door, her eyes burning, and gasped, once she realized who it was.  “Thor!” she shouted, happily, throwing her arms about his neck.  “Oh, my darling!!  I am glad to see you home and well,” she told him.  Thor chuckled and wrapped her in a fierce embrace.

            “Mother,” he replied.  “I missed you, as well,” Thor told her.  “I found Loki alive,and have brought him back to you, as I promised.”  Thor let her go and smiled wearily.  Frigga’s eyes welled up as she stared at him.

            “Yes,” she replied, softly.  “I saw Loki earlier, just before your father banned me from the room,” she said, icily.  “I fear he is not in his right mind,” she admitted, not sure exactly which headstrong man she was referring to.  “But those chains that were put on Loki are not helping the matter,” she said.

            “May I come in, Mother?” Thor asked.  “I do not have much time, for I am needed on Vanaheim, but I need to speak with you.”  Frigga moved aside and pulled him through the door, closing it firmly behind him.

            “Always, my son,” she smiled.  “What troubles you?”

            “You are right to say that Loki is not in his right mind,” he sighed.  Frigga’s eyes gathered with tears as she put a hand to her mouth.  “But it is perhaps not as bad as Father has decided,” he said.  Frigga sobbed.

            “I knew it!” she cried, putting her hands onto Thor’s forearms for balance.  “Your father will not let himself see it, but I knew Loki was not gone from us,” she said.  Thor grasped her hands in his own and smiled at his mother sadly.

            “I fear it will be a much longer road, though, than perhaps it may have been before,” Thor acknowledged.  “He has been tortured, Mother,” he told her.  “But in such a way where he believed to be on Asgard the whole time.”  Frigga gasped, looking horrified at Thor.  “And this included the cruel illusion that he was tortured at the hands of myself and Father,” Thor explained.

            “No…” Frigga whispered.  “We are his family, Thor!” she floundered.  “Surely he cannot believe that,” she insisted. 

            Thor stared at her guiltily.  “I thought I had gotten through to him, but something seemed to have happened on our way here that has changed his mind once again,” Thor told her.  Frigga stared into his eyes, trying to think.

            “What did he say?” she asked.

            “I don’t think I fully understood it, Mother.  He said something about not knowing illusion from truth when his whole life has been an illusion,” he told her.  Frigga sobbed again, thrice cursing Odin for keeping Loki’s heritage from him.  Thor cleared his throat uncomfortably before continuing on.  “And then he seemed extremely distressed when I put a cuff on him, to keep him from running off like a child,” Thor huffed.  “And before I’d removed it, he revealed that he seemed to have two minds within himself, two memories for each part of his life.  One in which I was me and one in which I was his tormentor,” he replied.  Frigga attempted to calm herself, understanding more what the situation was.

            “Thor, the cuff you mentioned, did it have any magic binding runes to it?” she asked.

            Thor dug them from his side pouch.  “These are what I had with me,” he explained, handing them to her.  “I would not have used them on Midgard except my friends did not really understand…” he trailed off, not knowing how to tell his mother that he let them believe Loki was the horrible tormentor they took him to be.  Frigga let out a shaky breath.

            “Thor, what I tell you should not really be repeated,” she said.  When Thor nodded, she continued.  “I cannot truly understand what it feels like, as I have never had my magic bound, I know enough from my time in the healing ward to know what it is to have your natural seidr locked away.”  Frigga’s eyes looked haunted as she recalled many past prisoners she had helped.  Among her own people, there had been plenty prisoners of war who had returned with troubled minds and tortured souls.  Each one broke her heart.  “It is perhaps the most sadistic punishment for a magic user,” she admitted.  Thor’s mouth fell open.  “It is not mentioned, simply because it is too great a vulnerability in the hands of an enemy,” she said.  Thor ran his hands through his hair in discomfort.

            “Loki seemed to be better after our battle,” he explained.  “Until I put on the chains,” he said.  Frigga nodded and dropped the offensive metal onto a nearby table.

            “I cannot say how long it takes, though I do suspect it takes a while, but if bound for too long, the loss simply eats away at your sanity,” she told him.  Thor’s jaw clenched as he directed a hard stare at his mother.

            “This should have been taught to Loki and me, at the very least,” Thor said.

            “I suspect Loki already knew, being a seidrmadr himself,” she said.  “It’s simply just not spoken of.”  Frigga shivered, staring at the offending runes on the chains.  “I tried to heal many young men and women who were returned from war on Vanaheim,” she muttered, her eyes haunted.  “Too many were unreachable, but many more eventually recovered…”  Frigga smiled.  “I can only think that Loki is in the latter category, after what you have told me,” she supposed.

            “It cannot be just the magic binding,” Thor mused.  “He seemed to wrestle with his memories the moment I saw him.”  Frigga picked at her hands again, starting to pace in her room.  “Mother,” Thor said softly.  She looked over to him, already knowing what he was going to say.  “I must go,” he affirmed with great guilt.  “I wish I could stay to help with Loki, but I know I am needed on Vanaheim.”  Frigga nodded.

            “Yes, Thor.  Go.  I will see to Loki,” she settled.  “Be safe.”  She went over to him and put her hands on both of his cheeks.  Thor smiled at her nervous affection.

            “I will,” he assured her.  Thor took one of her hands and kissed it before turning to leave.

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Frigga strode purposefully through the halls of the dungeon.  It had taken some shouting and thinly veiled threats, but the guards had agreed to take her to Loki’s cell.  The word disturbed her.  He should be in the healing halls, not in a dungeon.  She clenched her hands into fists to keep from playing with them again.  She was wholly unprepared for what she saw next, however.  Loki was sitting in his cell with a knife to his throat.  One of the chains that he had been bound with hung loosely, dangling from the hand that held the knife.  His other arm hung limp at his side, the hand completely crushed in the attempt to remove the handcuff from his wrist.  Loki paused in what he was doing when he noticed her.

            “Hello Mother,” Loki sing-songed at her.  Frigga cried out and pushed one of the guards beside her.

            “Did you not check for weapons before putting him in there?” she screamed at them.  The guards flinched back as she rushed towards the barrier to the cell. 

            “We checked thoroughly, your majesty!” one of the guards cried.  She moved through the barrier easily and slid down behind Loki, taking the hand with the knife away from his throat and wrapping him in her arms.  “Loki…” she sobbed.  Frigga worked to pull herself together before addressing him again.  _I need to be strong for him_ , she admonished herself.  “What are you doing?” she raged.

            “I’m giving the people what they want,” he jabbered, happily.  “And what I want,” he whispered almost to himself.  “Odin made it quite clear that I’m a threat,” he babbled on.  Frigga wrestled the knife from his hand and threw it towards the barrier of his cell.  One of the guards reached through and grabbed it before Loki even thought to recover it.  Frigga turned a murderous gaze towards the Einherjar before speaking.

            “Give me the key to these chains or so help me, you will wish you had acted the first time I asked,” she seethed.  A set of keys were slid through the barrier to her.

            “It’s the middle key, your majesty,” one of them replied.  Frigga took them and unlocked the other cuff from Loki’s hand, holding him tighter as he shivered with the return of his magic.  She held up his broken hand and ignored the crunching noises it made as she used her own magic to repair the damage.

            “Is that better?” she probed.  Loki turned his exhausted, distant eyes towards her.

            “It certainly isn’t worse,” he admitted quietly.

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Loki sat beside his mother in the feasting hall, with Thor on his right.  He was enjoying the cold weather, but his mother had insisted on putting him in a heavy fur cloak, even though it made him feel too warm.  His overheated skin and the hot food in front of him was making him feel nauseous, but no one seemed to notice that he had little on his plate.  He stared up at his mother, hoping she, at least, would notice and let him take off the heavy cloak, or pass some of the cold fruit his way.  Loki looked over at Thor, chowing away at all the various hot foods on his plate.  He turned towards Loki and smiled.

            “What, brother, don’t like what the kitchens have prepared tonight?” he taunted.  Thor leaned over and stuck his tongue out at him, grossing Loki out further with the partially chewed food he saw there.

            “Stop it, Thor!” Loki whined.  Thor kept taunting him until Frigga turned in their direction.

            “Thor!  Do not talk with your mouth full.  You are a prince of this realm and not a heathen,” she scolded.  Thor scowled when she turned away and punched Loki in his arm.  Loki’s stomach churned uncomfortably as he looked out at the foods in front of him.  He tugged lightly on Frigga’s long sleeve, looking for her attention.  Frigga apologized to the diplomat she was talking to before turning to Loki.  “Dear, mother is busy,” she said indifferently.  “Do you need something?” she asked, darting her gaze back to the others she was tasked to talking with at the table.

            “It’s all so hot, mother,” he sniffled a bit.  “I don’t know if I can eat it,” he rubbed at his eyes.  “Can I at least take off the cloak?  I feel too warm,” he complained.

            “Loki!” she admonished.  “The cooks took a lot of time to prepare this meal for us.  You shouldn’t insult them by not eating,” she said.  “If you must remove the cloak, I will allow it, but you look very handsome in it, and I don’t want our guests thinking you’re being inappropriate at the table,” she remarked.  Frigga put some of the venison stew on Loki’s plate and a warm slice of bread.  “Now, please, eat,” she entreated before turning back to the others at the table.  Loki looked up at her, unsure of what to do.  If he kept the cloak on, he surely couldn’t eat.  If he took it off, it would displease his mother.  If he didn’t eat, it would be rude to those who worked hard on the meal, but if he didn’t take off the cloak, he thought he would be sick at the table.  And he didn’t want to be seen as weak and sickly.  He was already taunted about it by Thor.  Loki stared at the plate in front of him and looked helplessly back at Frigga one more time.  She was busy with the others.  With a shaky hand, he picked up the spoon on his plate, shrugged off half of the cloak, and took a bite of the stew.  His body revolted to the heat of the food he was eating and Loki let go of the spoon.  It fell to the floor with a clatter and Frigga turned quickly in his direction before looking away again.  A server in the hall came over with another spoon for him as Thor laughed.

            “You’re all tensed up, brother,” Thor taunted.  “Loosen up!” he joked, before throwing a fist weakly at Loki’s stomach.

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Loki jolted forward out of the vision and dry heaved a few times in Frigga’s grasp.  He was sweating and wasn’t sure how long he had spaced out.  He noticed she had spelled her hands to be cooling and had placed them on his forehead and the back of his neck.

            “Loki,” she whispered, leaning her face on his back and closing her eyes.

            “What was it you taught me as a child?” he laughed.  “Cast enough illusions and you risk forgetting what is real?”  His back shook, and Frigga didn’t know if he was laughing or crying, at this point.  “I think it’s too late, Mother,” he confided.  Frigga got up onto her knees and dwarfed Loki in her hug.  She placed her cheek on top of his head.  Her hands were rubbing soothing patterns along his temples and scalp before a few tears escaped his eyes.

            “No, Loki,” she assured him.  “I will always fight for you.  It will never be too late,” she defended fiercely.  By this point, the Einherjar had turned around and tuned out the conversation.  It was not their duty to pry into the lives of the royal family.  Loki reached his hand up to grasp Frigga’s arm as he smiled.

            “Do you hear them calling, mother?” he wondered.

            “Who, Loki?” She faltered slightly, hearing nothing but the two of them.

            “The infinity stones, of course,” he lilted, closing his eyes as his smile widened.  “It’s such a terrible song they whisper to me,” he said.  “Full of power and vengeance and destruction.”  Frigga moved back from him and he turned around to look at her.  “Do you not hear them, mother?” he hesitated.  Frigga fought back the tears prickled around her eyes and smiled back at him.

            “No, my son,” she admitted.  “But you must be very powerful to hear their song,” she insisted, trying to calm his fears.  Frigga stroked his face with one of her hands.

            “I grow weary of fighting them,” he frowned.  Frigga kissed his forehead and pulled him up to standing with her, wrapping her arms tightly around his waist.

            “We must, Loki,” she asserted.  “We must always fight that which wants to consume us; down to our very last breath.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Frigga screamed at Loki as a spell he was working on started to go awry around him.  He looked to his mother in horror as his seidr began pouring out his palms and creating a whirling wall around him.  He didn’t know what sparked the change in the spell, and he felt unable to stop what was happening.  “Mother!” he yelled.  Frigga steeled her expression and gave him a hard look.

            “Rein it in, Loki,” she called.  “Remember what I taught you about closing the loop!”  Frigga nodded her head, hoping Loki drew strength and calm from her features. 

            Loki started to panic as he reached for his seidr.  It lashed back at him, which he hadn’t experienced before.  “It hurts, Mother!” he called back

            “You must fight it, Loki!  You are the master of your powers.  Do not let them consume you,” she commanded.  Loki squeezed his eyes shut and closed his hands with some difficulty.  He made a sweeping motion to close the loop and collapsed to the ground, panting heavily.  Frigga rushed to his side and drew him into her arms.  “Loki!” she cried, stroking his hair and face in relief. 

            Loki grinned up at her.  “I did it, Mother.”  Frigga buried her face in his shirt to hide her fear.

            “Yes,” she agreed, starting to shake with all her nervous energy.  When she had pulled herself together a little more, she moved up to kiss him on his forehead.  “I am so proud of you, my son.”

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Frigga tugged Loki over towards the bed that was in the cell with him.  She had him lie down and placed his head on her lap.  “Don’t be mad at the guards, Mother,” Loki responded, after some time.  Frigga’s eyebrows furrowed.  “Conjuring a knife is the most natural spell you taught me,” he confessed.  “When I…removed…” he paused, staring at the hand that had been smashed to pieces, “the one cuff, it was easy enough to fashion my own weapon.”  Frigga’s hands stilled in his hair, then pulled a little at his roots.  Loki winced and stared into her angry face.

            “Do not even think on that again, Loki,” she ordered.  Loki cast his eyes away from her and stared towards the floor to his right.

            “Yes, Mother,” he replied.

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            Loki stared at his gaunt looking face in the mirror.  He had dark circles under his eyes, and his hair hung limply on his head.  _I look awful_ , he chided himself before pulling a glamour over his features.  A healthy, well-rested pallor appeared on his face and he slicked back his hair before leaving the room to greet his family for their morning meal.  His mind had been in turmoil lately, making it difficult to sleep.  The older he got, the more he noticed the difference between himself and Thor; between him and his parents.  And the more he noticed the vast difference in the way the public perceived him and Thor.  It upset him that he was called the God of Lies and turned his stomach to think that is what everyone thought and expected of him.  It bothered him so much, that he had begun avoiding socializing simply to get some peace from their thoughts and the lies the spouted to his face.  He hated being lied to, and it seemed most of Asgard would rather speak vapid, meaningless flattery at him than have real, honest conversations.  He was unsure if Thor had this same problem, but the day he lied to Loki was likely the last day he’d tolerate Thor’s presence.  Loki scowled as he watched a servant hurry away from his direction.  _What is wrong with me?_ he thought.  _Does no one, save those forced to, enjoy my company?_ he questioned.  When he entered the private dining hall for his family, Loki felt his mother’s eyes on him.  _Shit_ , he thought.  The glamour was for her benefit and he hadn’t stopped to think she could see right through it, if she wanted.  Frigga’s eyes were soft and sad as she looked him over.

            “Loki!” she called to him.  “Come sit beside me,” she invited.  Loki considered telling her he just came for a quick bite before an appointment, but he didn’t want to lie.

            “Of course, Mother,” he offered, moving over to her while his plate was filled up for him.  He sat and stared at the various fruits and colder food items on his plate.

            “I know how much you love a nice chilled breakfast,” she smiled, kissing his cheek.  Loki smiled back at her and kissed her hand.

            “Thank you, Mother,” he murmured, going to pick up a piece of bread with some nice smoked fish on top of it.  She turned to him and put a hand to his face before he took a bite.

            “What’s with these bags under your eyes?” she questioned him quietly.  “Why aren’t you sleeping, my son,” she beseeched him.  Loki looked away from her and took a bite of the bread.  He didn’t know what to tell her.

            _Because Asgard hates me?  Because I’m not respected like Thor?  Because I cannot stand to be around others, yet it vexes me terribly that they do not want to be around me?  Because I grow tired of everything…  What do you want to hear, Mother?_   Loki sighed and swallowed the food.  “It’s nothing important, Mother,” he told her, hiding his true feelings.  Frigga hit him lightly on his upper arm.

            “Nothing important…nothing important wouldn’t steal the sleep from my baby,” she grumbled as Loki took another bite.  He chuckled at her worrying.

            “Why so serious?” he joked.

            “Loki,” she admonished.  “There is no need to put on this act for me,” she told him.  “Your father and brother may not look through your glamour, but I will always want to see your true face,” she prodded.

            “I simply grow weary of it all, Mother,” Loki looked away, watching Thor chomp down on some kind of hot bread with meat in the middle of it.  Frigga clasped his free hand under the table.

            “Will you help me in my garden today?” she entreated.  “Thor has agreed to pull some weeds and move some of the benches for me, but you have such a way with the roses…” she looked up into his eyes and smiled.  “Perhaps we can take a picnic out there later, under the large willow tree, all of us.  Loki sighed and dropped his glamour for her.

            “If you agree to sing for us later, I will gladly join you all,” he smiled sluggishly.  “Perhaps I will be able to rest to your calming voice,” he admitted.  Frigga smiled and stroked his face.

            “Of course, my son.”  Frigga looked over to Thor as Loki continued eating his breakfast.  “Thor, Loki will be joining us for some of the garden maintenance today and I thought we could all have a picnic afterwards under the willow tree,” she suggested.  Thor smiled, halfway between finishing a bite.

            “Of course, Mother!” he agreed, his mouth full of food.  Frigga sighed.

            “Thor, what have I said about full mouths of food and heathens?” she chuckled.  Thor swallowed quickly.

            “What?  No one’s here but us…” he defended.  Odin harrumphed, continuing to read the papers he’d brought to the table.  Loki rolled his eyes before picking up a few grapes and putting them in his mouth.  Thor looked over at him.  “Are you well, brother?” he queried.

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Loki wasn’t sure how long he had been crying, but he came back to the present listening to his mother’s beautiful voice singing him to sleep.  For once, it seemed there was another song that was louder than the wretched discords of the tesseract.  Loki clung to his mother’s hands as he closed his eyes, finally feeling safe enough to sleep.


	9. Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This family likes to argue. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't believe how long it took me to finish this. I said so long ago that I'd try to get this done quickly for you all, but it just didn't happen. Infinity War came out, I had to re-watch TDW over and over to get the feeling of it all for this fic, and I was at a loss as to where I wanted to go here. I had the ending, but that was about it. So, after some brainstorming, I finally have the rest of this fic mapped out. There will be three more chapters after this and that'll be all, folks. :) I'm excited to finish this, and it's gotten a lot longer than I expected. But it's been a fun ride so far. I don't know if you figured this out already, but I find it very difficult to write Odin, so I had a hard time with the end of this chapter. But I'm super happy with the way it came out. I think you all will be too. :D This chapter is also really long compared to my others, so, enjoy! :) :) :)
> 
> To everyone who's read this fic, thank you! It means a lot that there's people out there enjoying my writing.

            Thor thundered down the hall, moving towards his chambers to wash the blood and grime from his body. He felt tired and disgusting, now that he was home. The battle on Vanaheim may not have needed his presence, but it was all the shorter with him there, and he felt better for having gone.  _I really am in desperate need of a good soak,_  he thought, running his hands through his hair. Reaching the stairs to the royal chambers, he caught sight of Frigga. "Mother," he called softly. She walked quickly over to him and made a move to pull Thor into her arms. "Please, do not trouble yourself. I am filthy," he smiled, grasping her hands. Frigga laughed and squeezed his hands in return.

            "As you wish, my son," she responded. "How are things on Vanaheim?"

            "Vanaheim is secure once more," Thor assured her. "The prisoners will be transported tomorrow, after we have celebrated the victory." Thor's smiled, but did not look very cheered for it.

            "Did something happen?" she prodded, taking Thor's arm and steering him towards his rooms.

            "I am worried for Loki," Thor lamented. "And with the Bifrost finally finished, I am reminded of the promise I made to Jane Foster of Midgard." Thor cast his eyes to the floor.  _It has been two years…I cannot imagine what she thinks of me_ , Thor thought.

            "Thor…" Frigga smiled, touching his face with her free hand. "We will make things right with Loki. I know you will not give up on him until Loki has come fully back to himself." Frigga patted his arm in a soothing gesture. "As for Miss Foster," she ribbed, "I honestly cannot say. While a mother thinks her child the greatest catch in all the Nine, two years feels much longer for a mortal," Frigga grinned. Thor laughed heartily, catching her meaning.

            "Yes, Mother. I remember the two-year time out you gave to Loki and me for our pranks against the visiting delegation from Nidavellir. I believe we unquestionably learned our lesson and figured out nearly all the different ways to get on each other's nerves." Thor smiled honestly. "Two years was a long time out…" Thor gave Frigga an annoyed look while she just laughed. "But to us, it felt like maybe a week or two, comparatively…" Thor mused. "It feels like so short a time I saw Jane last, but yet also a lifetime," he confessed. Frigga continued to rub comforting circles on Thor's arm as they arrived in front of his chambers.

            "I understand, my darling," she smiled, sadly. A few moments passed before she spoke. "I do not know if  _now_  is the best time for a visit…" She removed her arm from Thor's and worried her hands a bit, looking to the ground. "Especially with the Bifrost construction finished so recently." Frigga looked up at him, feeling guilty. She could see Thor was heartsick on the mortal he had met when he was banished. "Perhaps when things with Loki are settled," she offered. "If it seems we are needed nowhere else in the Nine, immediately…" Frigga grasped his hands firmly. Thor understood, he really did. Now was not the time for jaunts to Midgard; especially after being there so recently to find Loki. Thor smiled in sad understanding.

            "Yes," he assured her. "It is certainly not the right time. Not with Loki so distraught and reparations to think about." Frigga looked at him curiously.

            "Reparations?" she questioned.

            "For Loki…for Midgard… Mother, I am at a loss for what we should do," he concluded. Thor leaned his head down and Frigga stroked his hair with one of her hands. The bangles she wore on her arm made a soothing clanging noise with each pass. "Especially with Father seeming to place all the responsibility on Loki," he near whispered.  _That is what hurts the most_ , he felt.

            "Oh, my son," she murmured. Frigga smiled at him again, but a few tears fell from her eyes. "Now, see what you've done," she chided, patting his arm and taking a step back. "You've made your mother cry," she teased. "We'll sort it all out, Thor. Do not let this worry you too much. Go clean up," she encouraged, swiping her hands under her eyes and composing herself once again. "Speak with your father about the battle and we shall all talk later about what happened on Midgard. We only know as far as Heimdall could tell us, which hardly seems enough to go by." A brief look of anguish fell upon her face as she reached up and kissed Thor's cheek. "I will see you later," she affirmed. "Before the feast, yes?" Thor nodded.

            "Yes. I shall drag Father with me once we have finished discussing Vanaheim," Thor said.

            "Hmm…" Frigga worried her hands once more. "No, I shall wait outside the war room until you are finished and we shall discuss it there," she decided. Thor looked at her, surprised, but knew better than to argue.

            "As you wish, Mother." He turned to open the door to his chambers, but turned around quickly. "How fared Loki? I assume you went to see him in the dungeons?" he blurted. Frigga smiled sadly, again.

            "Yes," she shuddered. "Your brother is not well, Thor, as you warned me… But he has perhaps relapsed a bit into his more dark days from his youth," she explained, knowing Thor would understand her meaning. "There was an incident with a knife, and-" Frigga broke off her sentence and clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. "And…that is to say…I am not sure that Asgard is the best place for him to be right now," she finished, a panicked laugh forcing itself from her lips. Thor could see the fear and despair plainly on her face and he regretted asking about Loki in this moment.

            "I am sorry, Mother…" he empathized. "I did not know things had escalated so quickly…and dangerously." Thor ran a hand through his hair and clenched the other into a fist. "I, really, was not all that needed on Vanaheim," he grumbled.

            Frigga shook her hands out at him in a shoo-ing motion, the clanging of her bracelets catching Thor's attention again. "Go, Thor. Do not worry so much about it. Everything turned out alright in the end. It seems a mother's touch is something that a mind doesn't forget, and I was able to get him to sleep a little in my lap." Frigga took a few steps back and Thor opened his door. "Now, get cleaned up and we shall speak on this later."

            Thor smiled at her. "OK. I shall see you soon." As she started walking away, Thor went inside his chambers and closed the door. It wasn't until he felt his mother was a safe enough distance away that he started pounding his fists against the door.

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            Frigga hurried resolutely towards the dungeon. The past few days had gotten out of control and she was quarreling, once again, with her husband. She had waited outside the war council chambers to speak with Odin and Thor together, but, like many times in the past, on many different subjects, Odin pushed the conversation away. He refused to speak on it, and the longer he dragged it out, the longer she felt adrift in it all. She still didn't understand what happened on Midgard, and it was making it difficult to determine what Loki needed in response. She understood his compulsion to push away the tough conversation they needed to have, but it didn't make it any less frustrating or acceptable in her mind.  _And now this Jane Foster is on Asgard bringing with her a whole other set of issues to address. If Loki wasn't enough, we now have an infinity stone draining the lifeforce of a mortal, endangering her life and Asgard._  At least Odin hadn't kept that information from her. Thor and Jane got a small summary on the Aether, but Odin knew what it was.  _He knows a lot more than he let on to Thor._   _And he certainly let on a lot less to Jane Foster_ , Frigga grumbled to herself, annoyed with her husband's view of the Midgardian woman. Beyond her frustration, though, was her fear of these items that were now in Asgard. Frigga believed Loki had come into contact with two of these relics, as Odin called them, and was in thrall of their call. She was unsure if this new one would call to him, as well, but she hoped it did not. The stones seemed to enslave those who would wield them; captured their minds over all else. Frigga worried that if Loki ever truly held one, he would never let it go.  _How can Odin even think of refusing help to this girl?_ she fumed. They had fought on it, long and hard, until Frigga cried that the stones were warping Loki's mind. His face had taken on a dark, steely look, then, and she knew the argument was over.

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_A few hours earlier_

            "I was right, then," Odin seethed. "He belongs in that cell so he cannot crawl his way to these vile things and use them for himself!" Tears sprung up to Frigga's eyes, unable to bear Odin's thoughts. "He is mad, Frigga. He will not be able to help himself! And Norns bless whoever has to stop him, if he ever comes into contact with these powers. The Nine may not survive it," he exhaled. Odin gripped Gungnir tighter, trying to feel strong before his queen. They were in their own chambers, but he had yet to put the weapon down.

            "He is not gone from us, my love," Frigga breathed, standing in front of him and placing her hands on his cheeks. "Why do you persist in avoiding this topic with Thor? He can tell us what happened with Loki on Midgard. Not just what Heimdall saw when he was looking." Odin pulled away from her and moved closer to their balcony.

            "You are wrong," he said, looking out on Asgard with his back to her. "Do you forget that I spoke with him myself?" Odin couldn't even speak his name. "There was no trace of my son in there," he replied, haunted.

            "You spoke with Loki with those blasted cuffs on him," Frigga charged. "After he was transported to a place where he felt he was tortured! Do you have any idea what it is to have your magic bound?" Odin struck the ground with Gungnir and whirled around to face her.

            "I do not wish to speak on this!" he shouted, his eyes taking on a misty quality.

            "Well, then. You will have to learn to not speak to me at all," she cried, storming from their rooms.

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            Frigga slammed open the doors to the dungeon, enjoying the low, echoing 'whump' sound that they made. When she had crossed through the threshold, she slammed them behind her with a bit of her magic. Even from the top of the stairs, she could hear the guards shifting to stand at greater attention, their armor clanging slightly. "Who is it that watches my son?" she called out, starting to descend the stairs. "I would speak with them."

            "Your majesty!" the Einjerhar chirped back at her. When she had made it to the bottom, two of them stepped forward and kneeled at her feet. "We have been watching the prince," the one on her left spoke. Frigga recognized him as the guard that used to patrol Loki's quarters in his youth and gave him a slight smile.  _Volf…_

            "Can you tell me…has he been moving about? Has he been eating the food I had sent?" she inquired, trying hard to not fiddle with her hands too much.

            "Not that I have seen, Allmother," Volf told her. Frigga bid them both to stand.

            "I was here overnight, majesty," the guard on the right spoke. "I did see him late in the night get up to eat a bit and return to the bed." He bowed his head when he had finished.

            "Thank you for the update. Has anything else occurred while I've been away?" she asked, glancing in the direction of Loki's cell. The two guards looked at each other and Volf gave a nod, clearly the superior officer.

            "Neither of us have seen him sleep much, but he stares blankly at the walls a lot," the younger guard reported to her. Frigga nodded, sadly, and made to move past them. "If I can ask, Allmother, why is the prince in the dunge-" Volf grasped his arm and cut him off.

            "Please forgive him, Allmother. It's the end of Laric's shift and he speaks out of turn from his exhaustion," he bowed, shooting a glare at the named Laric when he thought Frigga wasn't looking. She hid a smile behind her hand as Laric quickly made to bow as well.

            "Don't trouble yourself, Volf," she soothed. "I do not take offense." She looked to Laric. "The prince is here because of some strange powers that have been brought into Asgard," she informed him. "They seem to have a dangerous effect on Prince Loki and he is here for his safety, for the time being." It wasn't the whole story, but it was enough. The people had a right to know, she felt. "Had these powers not arrived shortly after him, we would be celebrating his return to us now," Frigga asserted, knowing that was likely untrue. There was simply too much healing Loki needed, and a public feast was the furthest thing from her mind.

            "Thank you, your majesty," Volf and Laric addressed her. Volf bowed and made sure Laric did the same before shoving him off for the day. Frigga inclined her head before continuing down the corridor.

            When she got to the cell, she noticed two things. The first, out of all the food she'd sent, the pastries were gone.  _We may have a long way to go to get him mind back to where it should be, but at least he's engaging in a little bit of self-care,_  she thought, with a bit of hope. The second, he was staring, as Laric had described, with a lifeless expression, at the wall.

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            Loki was laying on a lounger up on his balcony, looking over one of the palace gardens. For once, he had felt like being outdoors, and had dragged himself out of bed at first light to sit out there and soak up some of the sun's rays. Hearing a commotion, he opened his eyes and looked out towards the garden below. Frigga and Thor walked into the garden from inside the palace.  _Mother looks regal, as always,_  Loki noted. She had a shawl pulled around her shoulders to combat the morning chill and had her arm linked with Thor's. Frigga laughed with Thor at something he'd said and Loki scowled.  _Probably some stupid comment about some bar fight he got into_ , he hypothesized. When Frigga glanced up at Loki's balcony, however, her smile fell.  _Look what I've done to my own mother_ , he despaired, looking away quickly.  _Her radiance diminishes in my presence_. Loki bit his lower lip and moved to stand up from the lounger. He'd been outside for hours and it appealed no longer. Noticing Loki on the balcony, Frigga brightened immediately.

            "Loki!" she called up to him. Loki turned around, surprised she had seen him up there. Thor laughed joyfully upon seeing him, as well.

            "Come join us, brother!" Thor shouted, startling some birds out of a nearby tree. Loki walked over to the edge of the balcony and waived, trying to think up an excuse to say no.

            "Please, darling!" Frigga begged, moving closer to where he was and pulling Thor with her. Thor grinned at her excitement. Loki smiled and climbed onto the railing, missing Frigga's eyes widening in fear. As he stepped off the railing, she screamed at him. "Loki!" But he was a bird, and flew on the wind. Frigga clutched Thor's arm tighter as she watched Loki somersaulting and twittering through the air. He had made himself into quite a fetching starling and flew down to land on her shoulder.

            "He was just having a bit of fun, Mother," Thor chimed in, kissing the top of her head and patting her arm. Frigga let out a nervous laugh.

            "Yes, of course, darlings," she smiled, stroking Loki's soft bird head. "Now, why don't you change back and take a stroll with us?" she appealed to Loki. But his bird form just hopped up and down on her shoulder and twittered a bit more. "Fine, if it please his highness, he may stay on my shoulder, but not for too long. I want a proper hug and some non-bird conversation," she admonished. Loki pecked her shoulder and rubbed his head against her neck while they continued to walk through the garden. After a few paces, Thor started to tell a story he'd heard from Volstagg the previous night. Loki, having heard enough, started flying around his head and chirping at him. Thor removed his arm from around Frigga's and swatted at Loki's bird form, annoyed.

            "Stop that, brother!" he ordered. "I am simply telling Mother a lovely story of one of Volstagg's many children," he bellowed, trying to grab for Loki, now. Frigga laughed at their antics and took Thor's arm again. He sulked, but ignored Loki's tantrum. Starting the story again, he was interrupted with loud bird calls in his ear. Frigga covered her mouth, trying not to laugh again. With a snort, she grinned at her two sons.

            "I think, perhaps, that is enough birding around, Loki," she chastised him. Loki turned back to his Aesir form and huffed.

            "As you wish, Mother," he shrugged, crossing his arms over his chest. Ever since that day in the garden, Loki was no longer her darling. That was mostly Thor's nickname, now. Loki, with not a small bit of delight, became her little starling.

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            Loki lifted his head to look at Frigga from the bed. He had been laying on his stomach, staring at nothing. He laughed when he saw her. "Mother, did you know Thor has brought another infinity stone for me to play with?" he smiled. Frigga stared at him fearfully, resisting the urge to cover her mouth with her hands.  _How does he know?_  Her heart pounded quickly as she remembered their first conversation down here.

~*~* _It's such a terrible song they whisper to me.._.*~*~

 _I cannot even believe I am feeling like my husband is right,_ she raged.  _Loki does not belong here! But it may be the safest place for him until we can find a way to sever this dangerous connection_... She walked through the cell's barrier and approached the bed he was on. It was too much for Loki, however, and he turned away from her and drew his legs up to his chest. "No…" he whined, when she sat down.

            "Oh, my little starling," she cooed, stroking his hair. Loki batted her hands away and ignored her further. "It's time to get up, Loki," she implored.

            "Go, Mother. I'm sure you have many other things that need your attention," he murmured. Frigga gathered him into her arms and pulled him up to sit against her. He continued to struggle for a bit longer before letting his body go slack.

            "None so important as my son," she claimed, combing his unruly hair back a bit.

            "So we're back to caring, now?" he quipped. Frigga tensed behind him, but continued to run her fingers through his hair.

            "What is this nonsense you ask of me, Loki? When has something been more important to me than you or Thor?" she protested. Loki's laughter rang in her ears.

            "Oh…nearly every night, or never at all, Mother," he sang. "Honestly, I cannot say, exactly." Frigga frowned, but patted his arm.

            "Up, Loki. It is time to get up." She stood from the bed and started pulling his hands to stand with her. She got as far as turning Loki in her direction, but no further. He looked up at her.

            "I do not wish to get up, Mother," he hesitated. "There is nothing to get up for…" Loki looked at his feet. "I wish to stay in bed and forget." The words hung heavy in the air and Frigga was worried her plan would push too far.

            "Now, how many times did you protest just such as this when you were younger, Loki?" she cheered. "Did you not survive the day, back then?" She smiled and kissed his hands. "Come walk with me," she soothed. "Just for a little while."

            Loki buried his face in her hands. "It is harder this time, Mother…"

            "Tell me."

            "It is harder to want to get up and harder still to take comfort in you. Something terrible whispers in my mind and tells me what a liar you are." Loki stared up into her eyes with a terrible hurt and rage. "You want to see, Mother? You want to see the terrible things they tell me about you?" Loki growled and wrapped his seidr around her, shoving her mind into his own memories.

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            Loki was in his room, practicing a new spell from a book in Asgard's library. He was so caught up in his work, he didn't even hear his mother enter the room. "Loki!" Frigga admonished, causing him to look up from his spellcasting. Her hands hovered over her heart before she spoke again. "I thought we decided to put all this behind us!" She frowned, "Sorcery is not becoming of a prince of Asgard." Loki looked at her with a heartbroken expression, which Frigga chose to ignore. She walked over to his closed curtains and threw them open. Loki winced, unused to the bright light from the sun.

            "But Mother, you had encouraged me in the past..." he moved towards her. "My seidr has been instrumental in saving the lives of our warriors on the battlefield," he insisted, grasping her hand in his own. "I thought when Father forbid it, you didn't mind if I did this in secret…" he trailed off.

            "My sweet boy," she pitied, drawing her hand away and patting his arm. "No. You must stop this non-sense, Loki. It was fun when you were a child, but when you grow up, you must put away such childish things and take up the responsibilities of a man. You are a prince of this realm, Loki. You need to act as one; and these tricks I have allowed you to cling to are shameful for one in your station." Loki bit down on his lip hard in shame.  _I refuse to do something so weak as cry_ … he thought vehemently.

            "Yes, Mother," he whispered, staring at her feet. Frigga sighed and started for the door.

            "I almost forgot my reason for coming!" she chimed. Loki turned to look at her. "There's a feast tonight to honor the successful hunt your brother has returned from. I expect you to be there. We have guests and diplomats to entertain." Loki nodded. "For more than a few hours, Loki. This is your duty, and it is important you take it seriously," she reprimanded. He gave her another small nod and she processed from the room. Just before the doors were fully closed, he could hear her sigh, "If only he had been a girl…" His cheeks heated up as he stared guiltily at his reflection in the mirror from the bath.

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            Before Frigga could respond to the horrible vision she'd seen, another memory overtook her senses.

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            Loki struggled against the chains that bound him to the pillar. His mother had come, this time, but it wasn't like the other times she had cried for him. Or the times she had simply looked apathetic about it all. This time her face showed disgust at looking upon him. Thor was advancing closer and Loki panicked.  _She shouldn't see this…_  he thought, furiously.  _She shouldn't see me so weak!_  Loki's breaths became shallow as he watched his mother walk towards him and Thor.  _Mother, don't…don't look at this…_  He grit his teeth and gathered all his courage, watching Thor gather the lightning in his hammer. And before Thor could strike, Frigga walked past him. "Mother, watch out!" he begged her, but she kept walking.

            She laughed when she finally stood in front of him. "Watch out for what? My true son would never hurt me," she told him coolly. "Not like you have, Loki." His eyes welled up, but he held tight to his tears. "You've turned this family into a disgrace," she whispered. "Odin is right to punish you this way. You have brought shame to Asgard, and I can barely stand to look upon your face." Loki choked on a sob, turning his face away from her. "Do you have anything honest to say for yourself?" Loki's lip trembled.

            "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mother!" he cried out, as she turned away. "I did it for all of you…" A few tears fell down his face. "I didn't….I couldn't possibly have done it for me….." He clenched his fists, and screamed as Thor crashed a bolt of lightning down upon him. When his sight returned to him, Frigga was still walking away. She hadn't turned even once to see if he was OK.

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            Frigga stumbled backward, breaking his seidr spell sharply. "NO!" she sobbed, watching him in wide-eyed horror. Loki stared up at her.

            "You're crying, Mother…" he remarked, blinking. "I just can't seem to stop hurting the ones I love." Frigga felt frozen. Her hands were shaking so badly. She didn't even want to look at him, for the shame she felt at seeing herself in those visions.  _For his sake, I cannot fall apart,_ she told herself. _I will not let whatever has captured him be our defeat._

            "It truly is cruel to show a mother how horrible she can be," Frigga mourned, taking a deep, shaky breath.  _How could you believe I would act in that manner?!_  she wanted to shout. But she knew it wouldn't help him. She'd seen enough broken families on Vanaheim to know the power words held upon those who returned with a warped mind. Whatever power had been used against Loki, though, was even more terrible than she had imagined. Whatever other infinity stone Loki had encountered had changed all his memories of them. "Please, Loki, my sweet baby," she whispered, taking a careful step closer. She steadied herself and strode forward to take Loki's hands in hers.  _For his sake… For his sake…_  she commanded herself, over and over again, drawing strength from the mantra.  _There is time to fall apart later, where my grief will hurt no one but me._ "Let me at least remind you of some of our best times together."

            "Mother…" he agonized. "You cannot expect me to believe-"

            "I can!" she scolded, kneeling on the floor at his feet. "Do not forget that I know you, my son," she assured, squeezing his hands tightly. "I know how strong you are, Loki, and I know you can open your mind to see the true memories you have; not these vile, false illusions that chain you down." Loki's eyes twitched as he looked away, his mouth a harsh line. "I know this will not be easy to remove from you mind, Loki. But I know you can do this. Nothing is lost to you, I promise." She kissed his hands again.

            "I am trying, Mother," he conceded, moving from the bed to sit beside her. "I am fighting against this. But I feel too alone here. It is easy to listen to the whispers and be afraid," he breathed.

            "Then draw strength from me, my starling." Frigga placed one of her palms on his forehead and flooded Loki with her own seidr and memories of happy times. He slumped against her shoulder, smiling, taking comfort from her fortitude.

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            Loki grinned. "Checkmate," he crowed, triumphantly. Thor glowered and Odin gave him a petulant "Harumph," but Frigga just beamed at him and clapped her hands.

            "Well done, Loki," she smiled.

            "I do not like this new board, brother," Thor complained. "It is too difficult to envision the playing field." Thor waved his arms and scattered the imaginary pieces on the hologram of the four-dimensional chessboard.

            "To be fair, you didn't much care for the three-dimensional board either," Loki joked.

            "I rather liked that one," Odin piped up. Loki smiled.

            "You'll all get the hang of this one," Loki promised. "We'll just have to take more time to learn it."

            "And maybe Father will be on YOUR team next time," Thor joked.

            "I do not think it was me holding us back," Odin grumbled. Frigga snorted and kissed her husband's cheek.

            "No, Loki is right. We all just need some more practice. This is a beautiful board, Loki. I'm glad you thought of this. We haven't had a night like this in a while." Frigga took his hand in hers and gave him a quick squeeze before dropping it. She knew he was at an age where all her affectionate touches weren't as appreciated. Her boys were grown, after all; Loki was over 1,000, now. But she could never help herself. She had too much love to give. When he felt no one was looking, Loki took her hand in his and held it for awhile longer.  _You have so much love to give, too, my beautiful boy,_  Frigga thought.

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            Loki watched the scene unfold in front of him, feeling more aware of watching this memory than he did the last. Frigga was cradling him as a baby, her eyes shining bright with love. He was wrapped tightly in a soft, green blanket, his skin blue and red eyes visible for all to see.

            "My little darling. I love you more than words can say," Frigga cooed, brushing her nose against Loki's. He smiled at her, all gums. "You are loved," she kissed his cheek. "You are wanted," she kissed his other cheek. "And you are perfect just as you are." She tickled him under his chin and Loki gurgled up at her, changing his appearance to match Frigga's Aesir one. "You are so special, my little Loki," she smiled. "I hope you know you don't have to change for anyone. You are beautiful in every form you take." Frigga sat in a rocking chair with Loki bundled in her arms. "I don't plan to let you out of my arms until you know that I am your mother, and you are my son." Frigga stroked his cheek gently as Loki settled into sleep.

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            Thor watched Odin out of the corner of his eye. His father held a feast tonight to honor Jane's presence on Asgard, but Thor could tell this had his mother written all over it. Odin had insulted Jane earlier in the day and he meant to have words with his father about it. He just knew Odin would wait until he was thoroughly distracted during the feast to slip away, in order to avoid speaking with him. He needed a second… "Good lady Sif," Thor requisitioned. Sif turned slightly to look at him.

            "Yes, my prince?" she joked. Thor smiled as Jane grasped his hand under the table.

            "I cannot miss speaking with my father tonight," he ventured. "In case I miss his departure, can you let me know when moves to leave?" Thor asked. Jane gave him a small smile and Sif drew her mouth into a hard line.

            "Of course," she pledged, moving so she could keep a vigil on the Allfather out of the corner of her eye.

            "I thank you, my friend. I will owe you a large pint after this," Thor promised. He laughed when Sif punched his shoulder.

            "Yes, do not forget how much I enjoy celebrating, Thor. You will owe me my own feast if I have to keep at this all night," she teased him. Jane laughed and Thor looked down at her face.

            "You should tell Jane about your revelries after the battle of Haragon," Thor grinned. Fandral and Volstagg groaned next to them.

            "No, you should not," Fandral started.

            "I have heard that story enough, and it has never failed to start a whole new round of smashed cups and rowdy brawls among everyone around," Volstagg chuckled. "My oldest son is here tonight, and I don't need him seeing what a bad example I am," he jested. The five of them laughed at that and Sif nudged Thor's elbow.

            "If you plan to catch him as he's left the hall, now would be the time to go, Thor," Sif advised, nodding in Odin's direction as he began to leave.

            "Do you mind staying with my friends, Jane?" Thor asked her.

            "Of course not!" Fandral rejoiced. "We have been waiting all night for you to leave, so we can tell her all the scandalous stories from your youth!" They all laughed as Thor scowled.

            "No, I'm good, Thor," Jane assured him. "I think I can handle my own, even if I don't' have the R.V. this time," she winked at him. Thor gave her another smile before getting up from the table.

            "Yes, your metal beast is quite impressive," he answered. "You should tell my friends how you felled the mighty Thor with its strength!" Jane blushed and stared down into the mug in her hands. The other three looked on at Jane in shock.

            "Are you jesting?" Sif prodded, excited. Jane laughed again.

            "I don't know if I'd say I felled the mighty Thor, but I did run him over a couple times," Jane admitted, taking a long drink from her mug. Fandral and Volstagg doubled over in laughter, but Sif looked at her like she had found a new shield maiden. Thor kissed the top of her head and turned to leave. After he'd taken a few paces, though, he turned a glance to Fandral. He kept walking, but it didn't take long before Fandral matched paces with him.

            "Your come-hither look could use some work, my liege," Fandral lamented. Thor snorted at his joke.

            "I need to speak with you all after Jane has gone to sleep tonight," Thor mentioned, a bit distracted trying to catch up with Odin.

            "Oh!" Fandral chimed. "Intrigue!" Thor smiled, sighing as he approached the end of the hall.

            "It is about Loki," he said, seriously. Fandral seemed to sober at that and gave Thor a pained look. "If the three of you could meet me at the Bifrost observatory tonight, I'd greatly appreciate your company and your help."

            "Of course, Thor," Fandral vowed, grasping Thor's forearm in the traditional oath-making manner. "If I may ask…" he started, not knowing exactly how to continue.

            "He is sick, Fandral," Thor confided. "Mother and I know it, and Father-" he cut himself off. "Well, I should not speak ill of him," Thor sighed again. "Truly, I do not know his mind. I will see you later tonight, though. You will know when to meet." Thor turned away without waiting for a response, catching a glimpse of Odin rounding one of the corridors. Fandral watched his retreating form for a moment before loping back towards the table. He made a signal to Sif and Volstagg that communicated a late-night meeting before Jane caught on to anything, then sat down beside Jane.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

            "Father!" Thor called, running to catch him before his chambers. Odin placed his hand on the door and bowed his head.

            "Thor," he acknowledged, already dreading the conversation. "Why are you not celebrating? This was to be a feast for your Jane Foster of Midgard, and yet you abandon her to attend to this old man?" he tried jesting, turning to look at Thor. He was exhausted. Thor clenched his fists, but reigned in his temper.

            "Do not mock, Father. I know this feast was Mother's doing. I know you do not approve of Jane…" he mumbled. Odin opened the doors to his chambers then.

            "Enough of this," Odin chastised him. "I have spoken too much of Miss Foster of Midgard today." He walked into the room, Gungnir feeling heavy in his hand. Thor followed him, closing the doors after he entered.

            "Yes, I should think you have," Thor seethed. Odin glared at him, placing putting Gungnir away in its case. "A goat, Father!" he snapped. "You likened her to a goat!" Thor threw his hands up in the air as Odin scoffed. "I am beginning to think Loki learned his disdain for Midgard from you!" Thor accused.

            "You will hold your tongue," Odin replied. "This outburst is not befitting of a king."

            "Well I'm not a king, now am I?" Thor challenged, throwing Odin's words back in his face from a few years ago. "And better that I am never king, than one who holds disdain for one of the realms he has sworn to protect." Odin's face grew red and he stalked away from Thor to the small collection of liquors he kept in his quarters. "How can you feel so strongly against Midgard?" Thor continued. Odin poured himself a glass of amber liquid, not sure what to say. "'Illness is their defining trait?' Father, I have learned more of myself from these mortals the past few years than I have learned in Asgard the last 1,000!"

            "Is this my son who speaks? The same man who started a war on another realm in his prejudice?" Odin warned, placing his hands on the counter. "I will not listen to such accusations in my own chambers."

            "Is this to be my future?" Thor faltered. "Refusing to talk about the important issues in favor of protecting my own heart?"

            "It is not just my heart I protect," Odin justified.

            "Ah, yes," Thor ticked off. "It is also Mother's heart that you set adrift by refusing to speak about Loki. It is also my heart you rend asunder by denying me your blessing with Jane. By refusing to release Loki." Thor stomped over to a nearby chair and plunked down into it, refusing to leave.

            "I have done no such thing," Odin remarked, taking a long sip from his glass. "I have not refused you Jane Foster, Thor." Odin shuffled over to a chair across from Thor and sat down heavily. "Her entire lifespan can be summed up in maybe two percent of your own," he reasoned. "She is not fit for Asgard."

            "Was it not you who taught me that a true ruler doesn't think himself above his people?" Thor probed. Odin chuckled.  _He is indeed growing up_ , he thought.  _To think I am here, now, debating leadership choices with my son…_  They sat in silence awhile while Odin finished what was in his glass and placed it down on a table to the side of his chair.

            "I am old, son," Odin announced, getting up to remove his cloak and armor, finally. Thor gripped the armrests on the chair and watched him move slowly to his dressing chamber. "And I am not perfect," he called. Thor got up to follow him, not desiring a conversation shouted at each other. "Sometimes I say horribly scandalous and wildly inappropriate things when I am weary." Thor blushed, remembering the little too public display of affection Odin had had with his mother, years back, returning from a battle. "Would you but take the throne, there would be no reason to care of my feelings for the other realms," he sighed.

            Thor was suddenly in uncomfortable territory with his Father, playing a game he wasn't sure he was suited for. It did not escape his notice that Odin refused to answer about his feelings for Midgard, and Jane, not to mention withholding even a single word about Loki; but he brought out, perhaps the one conversation that would persuade Thor to retreat from the room as quickly as possible. Odin had mentioned the throne just yesterday, when he had returned from Vanaheim.  _Are things really so dire for you, Father?_  Thor wondered to himself. The longer he was away from Asgard, the more time he spent on Midgard, the further his desire became for the throne.  _I used to lust after this very possibility!_  he shamed himself.  _Your father needs you to accept your duty, and yet you will not,_  Thor agonized. "Father…" he started, not sure what to say. Odin gave him a quick glance before continuing to disrobe. The minutes dragged on and Thor turned and walked back towards the chair he occupied earlier when Odin had removed the last piece of his armor. He sat down, troubled with where this conversation had gone. When Odin came back out from the dressing room, he was wearing a simple long tunic and robe. He sat down across from Thor again, leaning back in the chair.

            "Perhaps I came off a bit strong, earlier." Odin smirked when Thor visibly relaxed at the change of subject. "Jane could likely do well here," he surmised. "But I do not wish this union for you, Thor. You will have well over half your life left when she leaves you, and I cannot wish that kind of heartbreak for you." Odin saw the hopelessness he felt reflected on Thor's face.  _And so it seems neither of us will be getting what we want,_  Odin sighed, feeling defeated. "And as your King, I could never allow your marriage, if it came to that. For the good of the realm, you cannot choose a queen who will be taken from the Nine so soon," he broke.

            "To cast aside all of my own selfish ambition and pledge myself only to the good of the realms," Thor quavered. He laughed mirthlessly. "I did not realize my responsibility…my duty…came at so high a price." The door opened, then, and Frigga walked in before Odin had a chance to respond.

            "My darling and my wretch of a husband," she smiled, but sensed the heavy atmosphere in the room. "Thor, darling," she walked over and pulled him up from the chair, giving him a hug. She smelled of old parchment and ink.

            "You have been in the library," Thor smirked. "I had wondered why I had not seen you at the feast." She chuckled and patted his cheek.

            "Yes," Frigga confessed. "Now, your father should have been in bed by now," she chastised. Odin grumbled behind her.

            "I'm not a child," he said, getting up and staring at her apologetically. He regretted their earlier fight and had not had a chance to apologize for his hot head, as she had refused to see him. She nodded, understanding his silent communication, and closed her eyes when he kissed her cheek. "I will bid you goodnight, Thor." Odin patted his arm as Thor nodded.

            "Yes, I am sorry for keeping you," he replied, giving them both a quick bow. "Shall I see you both when we break fast tomorrow morn?" Thor enquired.

            "Of course, darling," she replied. Odin made a grumbling noise as he shuffled towards the bedroom.

            "Alright. I shall have Jane with me, Father." Odin waved him off and Thor kissed his mother goodnight. "Goodnight, Mother," he said, striding from the room and closing the door behind him. She smiled, proud of the man he had become.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys! Only three more chapters to go after this. I wanted to put an outline down here so you understand a bit where we're at in the movie and some of the things happening in the background. Some I've added, as I felt it was missing from the movie, to move things along at an appropriate pace. Many are as they happened in the movie. So, unless I've written it to be different, expect that what you saw in the movie still happened as-is. I hope to hear your comments on this chapter. It really was a whopper for me to write! I'm happy to have it completed, haha!
> 
> Day 1:
> 
> 1\. Thor returns from Vanaheim  
> 2\. This chapter: Thor talks with Frigga about Jane and Loki  
> 3\. Odin avoids talking with Frigga & Thor about Loki  
> 4\. Asgard feast  
> 5\. Thor talks with Heimdall while Jane discovers the Aether and disappears from Heimdall's sight  
> 6\. Thor speaks with Frigga about going to find Jane
> 
> Day 2:
> 
> 1\. Thor goes to Earth, finds Jane, brings her to Asgard  
> 2\. Thor brings Jane to the healing halls. They discuss her illness. Odin comes in and insults her, orders her to leave. They realize there's some force living in her veins.  
> 3\. Odin speaks with Jane & Thor about the Aether  
> 4\. This chapter: Frigga checks in on Loki  
> 5\. Thor & Jane search library/archives for ways to remove Aether  
> 6\. Feast in Jane's honor  
> 7\. Frigga avoids feast, searching the archives by herself and sends some books down to Loki  
> 8\. This chapter: Thor leaves Jane with Volstagg, Fandral, & Sif, argues w/ Odin after he leaves the feast


	10. Don't Tell Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dark Elves have attacked and now we have to pick up the pieces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies!!! :) I can’t believe how long this chapter is. This is the longest chapter I’ve EVER written!!!!!!! It’s really quite a monster. I can’t believe it. And I seriously hope you enjoy!!! This became such a behemoth… Like, I had four scenes that I wanted to get in here, and scene two just…went crazy! :P But I’m really proud of this one.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who’s stuck around to read and comment and like the story!! I’ve been working hard on this, but I have another fic going, which took up writing time. That fic actually has deadlines (gasp!) I need to follow, so I wanted to get this chapter out now.
> 
> Point of clarification: As it’s not really explained in the movies, I’m going with the thought that Jane has no idea who Loki is, besides Thor’s brother. I’m going with the assumption that the media never got hold of who the guy was in the green and black and horned helmet, so people would know him by seeing him, but not by name or by association to Thor. So, until Thor tells Jane about his involvement in New York, or until she sees him in person, Jane would have no idea he’s the guy who played a part in the attack on New York. So, keep that in mind!! :D
> 
> I wrote this entire chapter with a very specific mood in mind, and I HIGHLY recommend putting on this song when you read: Mozart’s Requiem in D Minor. I like the version conducted by Neville Marriner, which you can find here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaH3zI0bYkM. I also like this video because it doesn’t have any commercials in between. But, this song totally sets the tone for this whole chapter. Enjoy! If you want, leave me a comment at the end. I'd love to know what you thought of this.

No one could tell Laric when it had started, but when he arrived for his shift, deep into the night, there was a guttural, keening sound spreading through the dungeon; a wailing that echoed through the halls; a mourning cry.  One that all of Asgard longed to make.  And it was setting the guards on edge.  It was not their way to grieve so openly.  It was not their way to grieve at all, those lost in battle.  It was an honorable and glorious way to die.  But the prince couldn’t grieve in private, for this was his privacy.  Nor could Loki even claim to be Asgardian; though, a very select few knew that secret.  Laric had just come on duty again, but there weren’t many in his section of the dungeon, anymore.  Most of the prisoners from his area had been wiped out in the earlier battle, and the prince’s wing was empty.  It felt eerie to walk around down there, like a tomb.  No one had told the prince about the Allmother’s death, but Laric didn’t feel it should come from a stranger.  It wasn’t right.  Yet the prince seemed to know all the same. 

            There was a muculent, gasping breath, then, “Please!” the plea echoed through the halls.  “Let me out,” the prince begged.  Laric rounded the corner and headed towards the young god’s cell.  “She needs me!” another scream.  As he neared, he could hear the sounds of furniture scraping against the floor, and books being strewn about.  When he got to the cell, his heart jumped into his throat.  He was greeted with the sight of the young prince with a knife to his throat, once again.  Loki had frozen at the sight of himself in a mirror, though.  _That’s a stupid thing to put in a cell_ , Laric thought, trying to calm down enough to talk the knife out of the prince’s hand.  _I don’t have the skills for this_ , he thought frantically.

            “How could you?” Loki whispered to himself, a look of anguish crossing his face as he dropped the dagger.  The young guard caught his breath.  “You promised!” he cried, pacing closer to the mirror.  Laric didn’t know what to make of his behavior.  “Get out,” Loki growled, clutching at his head.  “Get out, you monster!” he screeched, staring straight into his own wild eyes before he smashed the glass with one swipe of his hand.  Laric watched as the prince flayed the very skin from his bones, surrounding himself in a vortex of powerful seidr and his own screams.  Were it not for the containment spell on his cell, half the dungeon might have been destroyed by now.

            “Help!” Laric screamed in horror.  He started running back towards the entrance to the dungeon.  “Somebody help!” he cried out, again.  Two more Einherjar came storming into view and Laric came to a halt.  “Get Volf,” he panted.  “Get Eir…..  Oh Norns,” he moaned, shaking his head.  “Maybe…” he paused, considering the gravity of his next statement.  “Wake the Allfather,” he ordered, trying to erase the memory of skin peeling from muscle.  “The prince has gone mad!” he trembled, trying to ignore the steady sound of screaming.  As the other guards ran off, Laric scrambled back to the cell, calling the prince’s name.

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Thor woke to the sounds of running and metal upon metal; shouts in the hall and whispered conversations.  _The dark elves have returned for a second attack_ , he thought.  Dressing quickly, he grabbed Mjolnir and threw open the door to his chambers.  Things seemed to be in chaos once again and he couldn’t determine where everyone was rushing.  There were guards racing from the direction of the healing wing, an older guard rushing towards the dungeons, trying to put the rest of his armor on, and still more guards escorting his father in the direction the older guard was headed.  Jane poked her head out from the room across the hall, while the Einherjar that guarded its entrance turned to ensure she didn’t leave.

            “Thor?” she whispered, blearily.  He smiled upon seeing her, but steeled his gaze shortly afterward.

            “Go back to bed, Jane.  I know not what’s going on, and you are safer inside,” he cautioned, stepping out into the hall and closing his door.  He assumed there would be more noise and explosions if the dark elves had returned, but regardless, Jane would be safer where she was.  “I will return and let you know what has happened.”  Jane nodded, still half asleep, and closed the door.  The guards turned back around at their posts.  “When did all this start?” Thor questioned them.  One spoke up, whom he knew.  Kyral.

            “Only about fifteen minutes ago, Prince Thor,” he bowed his head, placing a fist over his heart.

            “Is it another dark elf attack?” Thor questioned, continuing to watch the pandemonium in the halls below.

            “No,” Kyral confirmed.  “It appears to be something in the dungeons, though.” 

            _Loki_ , Thor thought, gripping Mjolnir tighter.  He had intended to go to his brother in the light of day.  Speak about the attack he was already aware of and tell him about their mother.  He could barely even think on all that had happened without falling into despair, and he had wanted to be stronger before going to Loki.  Loki didn’t need a crying mess of an older brother right now.  _What if someone said something to him?_ Thor fretted, moving quickly down the stairs leading to his chambers and into the main hall.  _Who would be so careless…so cruel, even, to say something accidentally, or on purpose?_   There was more shouting the closer he got to the dungeons.  Eir was rushing through the doors to the cells just as Thor spied them.  _If Eir has been summoned…_ Thor started to run, now, ignoring the guards calling after him.  If Loki was in trouble, he should be there.  Finally making it to the entrance, Thor rushed down the stairs to a cacophony of shouting and loud noises, not knowing which direction to turn.  Among all of these, he recognized the wailing and screaming of his younger brother.  _Where have they placed Loki_?  He saw a guard sitting near the entrance rocking with his head in his hands.

            “What is going on,” Thor demanded.  The young man looked up at his voice, then rose to stand in front of Thor, placing an open palm over his heart.  Thor shook his head at the gesture, unsure if he could handle the news of his brother.  The closed fist was a sign of fealty, but the open hand one of deep sympathy and shared grief.

            “My--my prince,” he stammered, unable to meet Thor’s eyes.  “Prince Loki has gone mad,” he puled.  Thor clenched his teeth in annoyance.

            “Why has Eir been summoned?” he asked, pushing down his grief.  “Why has my father been summoned?”  The guard looked at him with vacant eyes as another guard stepped towards them.  “You.”  Thor glared over at the other guard.  “I saw you rushing to the dungeon earlier, trying to put on the rest of your armor.  Why were you summoned so quickly?  Where is my brother?” he insisted.

            “He is this way, your highness,” Volf told him, moving away from Laric.  Thor kept a quick pace and Volf gave Laric one backwards glance before moving forward.  “I am one of the guards who has been tasked with watching the prince,” the older guard explained.  “I have watched over the young prince for many centuries and am Laric’s superior officer.  He simply thought I had more experience with the prince and could be helpful,” Volf concluded, bowing to Thor with his fist over his heart.

            “What has happened?” Thor asked, continuing to pick out Loki’s cries amidst the rushing and shouting of the Einherjar.

            “Laric said Prince Loki was deeply distraught, calling to be let out to go to the Queen,” he started, as Thor cursed, picking up his pace.  “I don’t believe anyone told the prince of her death,” Volf assured, “but his highness is a powerful seidrmadr, and may have felt the absence of her magic for himself.”  Thor nodded, trying to control the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes.

            “Yes,” Thor mourned.  “But that still does not explain why Eir and my father are here.”

            “By the time Laric arrived at Prince Loki’s cell, he had moved on to some rather violent self-destruction,” Volf summarized, pointedly not going into detail.  Thor squeezed his eyes shut and wiped quickly at his face, appreciating the silence from the other man.

            “And now?” Thor begged.  “Why is there still so much commotion?”  Volf was silent for a few more moments, slowing their pace to a halt.  He looked Thor in the eyes before speaking.

            “The cells aren’t really meant to withstand such a powerful and ongoing seidr attack,” he reported.  “The prince has directed a significant amount of his powers to himself, and to preventing anyone from reaching him.  The vortex could easily crumble part of this side of the palace, were the shields to fail.  Mostly due to the damage it sustained earlier, during the attack.  This would not normally be such a concern,” Volf expressed.  They could hear Loki’s cries a lot louder, now.

            Volf and Thor looked in the direction of Loki’s cell before Volf continued.  “Eir was called to examine the prince’s wounds, and the Allfather to speak for what should be done.”  Volf turned back to Thor.  “There is still commotion because we are trying to locate more seidrmadrs to reinforce the palace structure and to evacuate this part of the palace, in case the shields become overwhelmed.”  Volf bowed again and started towards Loki’s cell once more.  Thor furrowed his brows, thinking through the implications.

            “Why has no one simply asked Loki to stop?” he questioned.  They rounded the corner to Loki’s prison and Thor’s question was answered.

            “Mother!” the creature wailed, kneeling on the floor, curling in on itself.  The clothes it had were in shreds.  “You are my mother,” it cried, reaching a hand out to the barrier of the cell.  The energy crackled with the hand upon it, but it was hurting the person inside more than breaking the barrier.

            “Loki, stop this!” Odin shouted.  Thor had never really seen his father using magic like this before, and he watched, stunned, as he wove powerful magics over the already powerful wards on the cell.  Odin seemed fueled by anger alone, pushing his exhausted body to keep Loki trapped inside.  He appeared to be attempting a second barrier inside the cell so someone could cross through the outer barrier, to get to Loki, without allowing anything to pass out of the cell when the shield was disturbed.  Thor couldn’t move his eyes off Loki.  He could hardly make out his brother in that cell and was even more shocked that he was still moving around.  He looked like a piece of meat, a whirlwind of green seidr surrounding him.  His magic was out of control.

            “My prince, please,” Eir entreated.  “Just take a step back, your highness, and calm yourself.”  Eir stepped bravely up to the cell’s barrier and stretched her hand out towards Loki’s.  Eir had taken care of the princes since they were babes.  The amount of times Loki had been ill, Eir was almost like a second mother for him.  Even with that familiarity, Loki flinched and crawled away from her.  He seemed to notice everyone around him for the first time.  Loki glanced down at his exposed muscles, the raw red shone brightly and dripped from his body.  He looked ashamed that they were seeing him like this.  And then, like it was nothing, like his skin was nothing more than pieces of parchment, his flesh returned and knit itself back together, like he had done this many times before.

            Once Loki locked eyes with Thor, he wouldn’t look away.  “Thor!” he shouted, pressing himself up against the cell’s barrier.  “I can see Mother, Thor,” he wept.  “Please, brother.  She needs me,” he whispered.  “Please, please just let me go to her,” he begged.  Tears slipped down Thor’s face, knowing he would have to deny Loki this.

            “Thor, go,” Odin growled, seeing Thor for the first time.  He glared back at his son.  “You should not have to see this,” he told him.  “It is unsafe to be here right now.”  Thor let Mjolnir drop into his hand and he directed a dark look to Odin.

            “Yes,” Loki cried, crushing his hands harder against the barrier, a fevered look in his eyes.  “I know I’m not too late, brother.  Just let me out.  I don’t even care if you torture me later.  Please, please…” he stressed.  “I don’t feel her, Thor.  I know Mother needs me,” Loki babbled, imploring Thor with his eyes, as he kept trying to crawl through the barrier with his wild seidr.

            “Thor!” Odin bellowed. 

            Thor dropped Mjolnir to the floor with a loud “bam” and squeezed his eyes shut.  “I am sorry, Loki,” he choked, the tears flowing freely, now.  “I promise you, though, Mother does not need our help,” he croaked, looking up at Loki now.  “Do not worry for her.”  Loki shook his head and scrambled away from the barrier.

            “No…  No, I know it, Thor…” he panicked.  Loki sat down, heavily, his eyes wide and fearful, and let the vortex overtake him again.  Thor turned away when he could no longer look at the blood spattering the walls.

            “Your highness,” Volf murmured, placing his hand on Thor’s shoulder.  “You should go rest.  Perhaps the prince will not be so…raw…in the morning,” he suggested.  Thor looked back one last time to see Odin glaring hard at him.

            “Yes,” he agreed.  “You are right.  I will speak with Loki in the morning, then.”  Volf walked out with Thor, ensuring he made it back to the entrance alright.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He felt numb.  It was hard to accept that this was his life right now.  Thor wasn’t sure he would have made it back to his chambers if it hadn’t been for his promise to Jane.  He knocked hollowly on the door, feeling devoid of anything.  Jane opened the door to him, saw his face, and simply dragged him into the room with her.

            “Thor,” she whispered, gripping his arm tightly, and pulling him to her bed.  “Come lie down with me,” she entreated.  “What’s going on?”

            “Loki is…”  Thor felt like there was a frog in his throat for how difficult it was to speak.  Jane pushed him down to the bed and sat next to him.  Thor looked over at her.  “Loki is…..aware that there is something wrong with Mother,” he shuddered, placing his elbows on his knees and leaning forward.  “Either he knows she is dead, and refuses to believe it, or believes her to be gravely ill and needing his help.”  Thor dropped his head into his hands, trying to staunch the tears that were already forming.

            “Thor,” Jane soothed, rubbing his back with one of her small hands.

            “And all I could say to him is she no longer needs our help,” he lamented.  Jane kissed his cheek while Thor continued to break down.  “We do not grieve for the dead, Jane,” Thor explained.  “It is not Asgard’s way.  We rejoice for those who have died the glorious death.  But I cannot seem to bring myself to rejoice Mother’s death,” he confessed.  “And I was ill prepared to see Loki’s grief.”

            “Thor, we all celebrate our loved ones.  But it is natural to grieve,” she remarked.  “At least, on Earth.  We have a wake, and a funeral, and it’s very sad and we remember the person and grieve their loss.  But after we’ve buried them, there’s a reception.  I suppose you might see it as a feast, if you will, and this is where we rejoice.  We rejoice in the life they lived and the person they were.  And if their death were glorious, then we’d rejoice that too.”  Thor smiled at her attempt to cheer him.  “What I’m trying to say,” she maintained, “is that grief is natural.  You shouldn’t feel ashamed for it.”  Jane rested her head against his arm.  “My mom died when I was very young,” she murmured.  “I don’t really remember her much, and I don’t remember being sad over her death.  But when my father died, well…”  Jane ran a hand through Thor’s hair, looking down at his face.  “Your parents never leave you, Thor.  You may always grieve them, a little.  You’ll be sad about all that they miss in your life.  But I think, after time, you mostly rejoice in the memories you made with them.  I barely knew your mother, but she seemed like an amazing woman,” Jane finished.  Thor sat up and looked at the ceiling, his eyes shining with tears.

            “She was the most amazing woman of all, Jane,” he shared.

            “Well, take all those metal-y bits off and climb in this bed with me.  You need to rest, and I won’t say anything if you want to grieve here in private.  And if it helps, I’d love to hear some stories about her.”  Jane smiled softly at him and moved back towards the pillows.  Thor got up and began to remove his armor.  He remembered now that he’d left Mjolnir down by Loki’s cell.  _I hope she is more of a reassurance of my love than a taunt of my torture…_   When he was down to a simple tunic and trousers, he turned to face Jane.  She patted the bed beside her, but Thor didn’t move.

            “I need to speak with you about Loki,” he fretted.  Jane cocked her head to the side, but remained silent, letting him speak.  “But perhaps in the morning,” he decided, moving to lay beside her.  Jane gathered him into her arms.

            “Take tonight for yourself, Thor.  It may be a little hypocritical for me to say this, but self-care really is important,” she laughed.  Thor smiled, resting his forehead on his shoulder.

            “I am not sure I fully understand your meaning, Jane, but I thank you for your comfort and concern,” he replied.

            “Alright, big guy,” she joked.  “Do you want to sleep a bit or would you like to talk about her?”  Jane ran her hands through Thor’s hair, and he remembered his mother doing the same thing when he was a child.  He could feel the tears spring up anew.

            “If you wish to hear of her, I shall tell you, Jane.  But you cannot blame me if I fall asleep,” he smirked.  “You deserve to hear the best of Mother’s tales.  But I confess I am not at my best to tell them and may eventually be claimed by sleep.”

            “That’s alright.”  Jane nuzzled his neck, encouraging him to speak.  “I’d love to hear more about her, until you need a break.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Thor opened the door to Jane’s room the next morning, she was just getting up.  Thor had woken earlier to go speak with his brother and Jane had promptly fallen back asleep after such a late night.  Whatever power was coursing through her system, it was starting to drain a lot of her energy.  She didn’t want to worry Thor, but she guessed he could partially tell on his own.  Jane usually had a hyperactive quality about her, especially when she was trying to figure out something new.  The slowness to her movements was uncharacteristic of her.  She preferred to be up doing things, not lying in bed.  It had taken a lot out of her to keep up with the Queen, on the way to her chambers yesterday.  And with the lack of sleep last night, she hadn’t had much time to recoup.  “I wish I could just lie in bed for the rest of the day,” Jane smiled, reaching an arm out to Thor from her place on the bed.  Thor gave her a warm smile in return and made to remove his armor.

            “Then we should stay in bed a little while longer,” he decided, moving to the bed and pulling Jane down heavily to the pillows with him.  She laughed and placed her arms around his neck.

            “Thor!” she squealed.  “I’m sure there are things that must be done today, things we should discuss,” she disputed.  Thor buried his nose in her hair and took in a calming inhale.

            “No,” he insisted.  “We can talk here, as well as anywhere.  I do not require an audience for our talk about Loki.  And, as for things to do, you are quite right there, Jane.  But there is not much for me to do.  I cannot feel well taking a job away from a hardworking citizen.  We have master builders and craftsmen to clear the rubble and rebuild the city.  We also have plenty of carpenters to build the boats for the dead.  Father has insisted on building Mother’s boat himself and will not let me help him even a little.”  Thor sighed.  “So, no, there is not much else for me to do today.  And I think the people will understand if their prince takes a few hours to recoup before walking among them.”  He wrapped his arms tighter around Jane.  “I would rather be strong and comforting in their midst than sad and uncomfortable.  You were right,” he shared.  “It is important to grieve, and I do not feel shame for doing so when I am with you.”  Thor’s eyes welled up with tears, not the first time this morning, and likely not the last. 

            After a few minutes of silence, he resumed their conversation.  “It was difficult with Loki again.  I do not know how to comfort him, and he scarce recognized me this morning,” he sobbed.

            “Oh Thor,” Jane voiced, stroking his cheek.  “What happened with him?”

            “It is a long tale, Jane,” Thor cautioned.  Jane ran her fingers through his hair encouragingly.

            “Well, we have this bed all day, so, I don’t think there’s a rush,” she joked, leaning in to kiss him.  Thor returned her affection with enthusiasm and sighed when they broke apart.

            “You’re right, of course,” he chuckled, wiping some tears from his eyes.  “But the story goes back to two years ago, when I said goodbye to you, and promised to return.” 

            Jane was silent, trying to decide what to say.  Those two years has been hard on her.  For the first time, she’d had real confirmation on her scientific theories when Thor came crashing down on the Bifrost.  Hard evidence!  She almost couldn’t contain her excitement around Thor.  But it had morphed into some real feelings.  At first, she didn’t think anything of it.  Thor was a prince.  He had a family.  There was likely a lot of stuff he had to sort out at home.  She’d focused on her own work instead, trying to find a way to make the Einstein-Rosen bridge work and make her own way to Thor.  But the longer he was gone, the more she started to feel like she’d dreamed it all up.  Her original data had been stolen by SHIELD, there were no other anomalies that happened after Thor left, and everything she worked on seemed to fail in simulations she’d run.  If it hadn’t been for Darcy and Erik’s own accounts of Thor’s visit, she may very well have decided it was all a dream.

            When Thor came flying in on the television screen, while she was holed away in Austria, things became clearer to her.  She, once again, had physical evidence of his existence, and proof of his otherworldly powers.  This time, though, there were other aliens that he was fighting.  New York was being destroyed!  It had been terrible to watch, especially in another country where she was getting subtitled information that didn’t always make sense.  She had seen someone flying around with the attacking army who had on a horned helmet and wore green and black.  Beyond that, she didn’t know if he was human or extraterrestrial; with the aliens, or merely observing the fight.  The entire battle had been over in an hour or two and, afterward, she never heard a single word from Thor.  That was when she went into a bit of a tailspin.  Eric was missing, and she worried Darcy a lot.  She had felt rejected.  Thor hadn’t even taken the time for a quick hello.  Despite everything she worked on to try and see him again, he didn’t even bother with her. 

            She’d let herself wallow in two years of wasted hopes.  She’d allowed herself to stay in bed until she felt like getting up, eat whenever she felt like it, bathe when she felt like it.  And when she didn’t, she didn’t feel bad about it.  All in all, it had been a healthy mourning period for her.  Two weeks later, she made that rash decision to go on a date with Richard, and things had gone a little crazy from there.

            “I worked really hard to try and see you again,” she said.  “I think you owe me more of an explanation than you were off fighting battles and settling the nine realms or something,” she indicated.

            “Yes,” Thor agreed, catching her hands in his own.  “I am truly sorry, Jane.  I cannot imagine what you must think of me.  To be honest, my biggest hurdle is the difference in time for us.”  Thor pressed his lips together.  “It feels like I saw you so recently,” he explained.  Jane was surprised at this.

            “What?” she pushed.  “It’s been two years, Thor!”

            “Yes.”  He cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable.  “And it is such a short period of time for me,” he confessed.  Jane didn’t know what to say to that.  There were books written about Thor that dated all the way back to the 13th century.  Quite honestly, she’d never really considered the difference in feeling time between them.  When she continued to stare dumbly at him, Thor continued.  “Truly, I did not forget you!” he stressed, squeezing her hands slightly.  “It simply did not feel all that long since I had seen you last, and I forget that it is different for you.”  Thor’s neck was flushed, feeling guilty for not realizing sooner how long it would have felt to Jane.

            Jane couldn’t believe she’d never considered this.  Her mind was whirling a mile-a-minute, now.  _Where’s Darcy?  I need to make notes on this.  How old IS Thor?  How short a time does it feel to him?  He probably doesn’t even know how to work a phone in order to call me.  No, no…he could have gotten help with that._   Thor dragged her out of her own head before she got too caught up.  He tilted her chin up to look at him. 

            “I’m sorry, Jane.”  Jane stilled her movements, as he placed his forehead against hers.  “There was that, but there was also the issue of the Bifrost.  When I came to Midgard, I was cast out of Asgard and sent there using the Bifrost’s power.  It is how Asgard moves across the realms.  Your…” Thor paused, trying to think of the words.  “What did you call it?”

            “Einstein-Rosen bridge,” Jane provided, trying hard to calm her thoughts.  There was so much to think about.

            “Yes,” Thor agreed.  “It is also how we got here.”  This put a wolfish smile on her face.

            “Great way to travel!” she burst.  “I highly recommend it.”  Thor laughed and stroked her cheek.

            “When I returned to Asgard two years ago, there was a confrontation with my brother which caused me to destroy the Bifrost.”

            “Wow…” Jane uttered.  _I’m not sure confrontation is the right word for it,_ she mused.  “So, the area we stood in when we arrived…?”

            “Its construction was finished about a week ago,” he confirmed.  Jane nodded, impressed.  “It has been difficult to help maintain peace in the other realms these past two years, but not impossible.  Which is why I could not contact you, or return.”

            “How did you make it to Earth and back, then,” she asked.  “You were there for the battle in New York!  I saw you on TV!”

            “Yes,” Thor admitted.  “I was there for my brother, whom had been presumed dead for nearly two years.”  Thor closed his eyes, trying to shut out the painful memories.  “Heimdall was able to amass enough energy to send me to Midgard, when news reached us that Loki was there.  After the battle, I did not have much time before needing to leave for home.  I did try to get in touch with you, but the Man of Iron said you were unlisted and SHIELD mentioned they had “scrambled” your phone for some reason.  I did not really know what either of those things meant, and became too worried about Loki to find out.  I did not mean to offend.  I simply had a lot on my mind with Loki,” he sighed.

            “I knew something funny was going on with my phone…” Jane grumbled.  She took a deep breath, trying to let go of her feelings of abandonment.  “Well, I’m glad I understand a little more about what went on.”  When he didn’t continue, she prodded him a bit.  “How did you make it home, then?”

            “We used the power of the tesseract to travel to Asgard.”  Jane gasped.

            “The crazy blue cube that SHIELD wouldn’t tell me about?” she guessed.  Thor laughed at her description and moved to lay on his back.  She let him have his space, but stayed facing him on her side.

            “It is not just a cube,” he grinned, turning his head to look at her.  “I’m not sure, but I think it may be a similar relic to the Aether.  Mother told me a little of Loki’s reactions to these items, and it seems the Aether has a pull on him much like the tesseract.” 

            Jane’s mind was alight with questions again.  _How, exactly, are these relics formed?  Can they be destroyed?  How distinctive is the energy signal they let out?  Can we track it?  How many are there?  Why did they get formed?  What was their original purpose?  Are they meant to interact with each other?  How does the power work?  Are there lasting effects from using these items?_   After a few minutes had passed, Jane noticed Thor was holding one of her hands again, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles.

            “I wish I had more answers for you right now, Jane,” he lamented, when he noticed her attention returning to him.  “Unfortunately, you know about as much as I do on these relics.  I am worried about what kind of lasting effect the Aether could have on you.”  Jane pursed her lips, debating.

            “OK,” she decided, “we are saving this discussion for another day.” She almost couldn’t believe the words had come out of her mouth.  However, she’d already had two mini-geek outs and without anyone to go through the process with her, she was certain she’d lose any progress she made.  Especially with how tired the Aether made her.  “I am dying to know more and study these things like crazy, as I’m sure you have guessed…”  Thor smiled sadly.  He wished Jane did not have to study these relics at all.  “But your story is important to me, Thor.”  Jane tried to remember what originally started their conversation.  “What happened with Loki?  If the bridge was broken, how did he end up on Earth?”  Thor shouldn’t have been surprised on the quick change of subject, but he wasn’t entirely prepared for it.

            “Yes, well…”  Thor rubbed his hands over his face, gearing up for another long talk.  “Shortly after I returned to Asgard, I found Loki, speaking all these confusing accusations.  He said we weren’t brothers.  That he only wanted to be my equal.  I didn’t understand when these things became untrue…” His lower lips twitched as a few tears slipped from his eyes.  This night was one of his biggest regrets.  “I wasn’t here when Loki learned he was adopted.  When he was told he wasn’t even Asgardian; that his heritage is of an enemy race to Asgard, and the very one I attacked that got me banished in the first place.”  Jane looked up at him wide-eyed.

“Oh, Thor.”  He nodded.

            “And while I was banished, he was forced to deal with all this and to take the throne in my father’s absence.  He had fallen into a healing sleep, sort of like what you would refer to as a coma, I believe.”  Jane nodded her understanding, willing him to continue.  “And we fought!”  Thor balled his hands up, angry with how he had reacted back then.  “We fought as we have always fought.”  He threw his arms out in front of him.  “Like brothers, bickering to come out on top.  But this time, the stakes weren’t just between us, Jane.  Loki used the more destructive capabilities of the Bifrost on another realm,” he explained.

            “He left the bridge open?” she gasped.  Thor was surprised of her knowledge of how the Bifrost worked, but not terribly.  Jane was the most intelligent Midgardian he’d ever met, and her thirst for knowledge was unparalleled, aside from his brother.  He smiled with great affection.

            “Yes.  It ripped apart Jotunheim, the realm of the frost giants, and I was forced to break the observatory from the bridge to stop its powers.”  He closed his eyes, waiting until he felt a little more under control before opening them again. 

            Jane lay there in shock.  She couldn’t imagine what would provoke someone to unleash that kind of destructive power against another planet.  Destroy all the inhabitants on it.  She wanted to ask about it, but the moment passed too quickly.

            “At the time, I did not realize how serious our fight was to him, and I was easily provoked.”  Thor decided he didn’t need to mention what they fought about.  Not that it was inconsequential; just that Thor didn’t think Loki really meant anything by his words but to provoke him.  “I should not have let my anger lead me in this.  But I did not know!”  Thor took a deep breath, staring at the ceiling.  It shamed him to think of how he treated Loki before he fell from the Bifrost.  But he hadn’t realized how different that fight was.  “I did not know that that fight was not like all the rest,” he whispered.  Jane moved closer to his side and curled herself around him, trying to give him more comfort.  “No, Jane…”  He looked down at her.  “You should not comfort me so,” he agonized.  “Loki is my little brother, and I let him fall off the bridge and into the Void.  I should have seen the signs.  I should not have been so angry.”  Jane dug a knuckle into his side until he jumped in surprise.

            “Stop that!” she bossed.  “He may be your brother, but it’s not your job to ensure he makes good life decisions.  It’s not your job to make sure he cares for himself.”  Thor wanted to protest, but Jane held up a hand.  “No, Thor.  You need to accept this.  You are not responsible for other people’s feelings.  You aren’t in charge of what goes on inside Loki’s mind, so the things he says and the actions he takes are his own.  It’s not your fault.”

            “Jane,” Thor shook his head.  “I knew something was wrong with Loki and I let him provoke me into fighting him anyways.  Your brother does not declare ‘I’m not your brother, I never was,’ for no reason.”  Jane glared at him for continuing to berate himself, but remained quiet.  This wasn’t an argument she’d win in a few minutes.  Thor needed to come to it on his own.  “If the Bifrost destruction hadn’t been looming over our heads, I would not have acted the same way.  If there had just been more time, I would have taken Loki away from there, made sure he was safe, before destroying the Bifrost.”

            Jane sat up to look at him.  “That is not your fault, Thor!  You did what you had to do to keep an entire planet from being destroyed.  It was Loki’s choice to be there, to start up that destruction himself, and Loki’s choice to provoke you,” she grumped.

            Thor’s eyes flashed with anger as he sat up next to her.  “He was out of his mind, Jane!” he bellowed.  “He may deny it quite frequently, but I know my brother.  He was not himself when I came back.”

            “It was still his ch--”

            “No!” he denied.  Thor got off the bed to pace around the room.  “I’m not sure how in control my brother was for his decisions that night.  How much was his choice and how much was the madness he fights,” he rambled, seeming to talk to himself.  “There comes a point where you just know…  You’re not talking to the person you love, but fighting with the darkness that consumes them sometimes.”

            Jane sighed, rubbing her temples.  “I feel like we’re talking about something different, Thor,” Jane replied.  Thor stopped pacing and stared at her with a haunted expression.  It always troubled him to think of Loki’s dark days.  It was an enemy he never knew how to fight; an unwelcome ghost that hung around his brother and would attack at random.  “You gotta give me a little more to go on, here,” she pleaded.  Thor looked away from her, then, the last statement not reaching his ears.

            “If you want to know the honest truth, the truth that no one in my family wanted to acknowledge, I think Loki tried to kill himself that night.  When I didn’t strike him down, like he hoped, he let himself fall into the Void,” Thor confessed.

            Jane stared at him, a bit slack-jawed.  It felt like a pretty big leap to say Loki struggled with a mental illness, but she didn’t know how else to interpret Thor’s words.  And while she felt it shouldn’t excuse his brother’s actions, it did explain more about Thor’s fierce protectiveness over him.  She sighed and hunched over.  “Thor…”  He turned to look at her crumpled form and rushed over to her.

            “What’s wrong?  Is it the Aether?  Are you OK?” he worried, on overdrive.  Jane looked up at him.

            “No,” she lied, shaking her head and smirking.  “It’s you!  This is a lot for me to try and catch up on.”  Thor laughed with great relief.

            “I told you!” he professed, hugging her to him.  “You said the bed wasn’t going anywhere,” he sobbed.  Jane wrapped him in her arms.

            “I know I said it was all the info, but I am a little tired,” she admitted.  “Let’s take a nap,” Jane coaxed.  “I think we both need it.”  She let him go from the hug and looked up at him again.  “Agreed?”  Thor gave her a watery smile.

            “Agreed.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thor opened the door to Loki’s room.  It was dark, though it was the middle of the day.  “Loki?” he called.  There wasn’t an answer, but Thor could hear someone shifting on the bed inside the room.  “Brother, are you awake?” he inquired.  Thor walked into the room and shut the door behind him.  “I am coming in, brother.”  Loki groaned from the bed.  When Thor made it over to the side of the bed, he saw his brother blinking his eyes awake, still bleary and half-asleep.

            “Thor?” he grumbled.  “Why are you here?”  Loki rubbed his temples with his hands, trying to dispel a headache.

            “Are you well, Loki?  I waited at the stables for nearly an hour,” Thor queried.

            “What?”  Loki sat up quickly in bed.  “Wh-what time is it?” he stammered, instantly feeling guilty.

            “It is a few hours from the mid-day meal,” Thor replied, sitting beside Loki on the bed.  Loki looked over at him

            “I am sorry, Thor,” he mumbled.  “I had a late night and overslept,” he lied.  “I did not know it was so late.”  Thor ruffled his hair, but pushed him back down on the bed.

            “Loki, in truth, I asked you to go riding with me today because I have been worried about you,” he revealed.  “Please, do not worry about missing it.  I just want to spend time with you.”  Loki curled up on his side, facing away from Thor.  _Please, talk to me, brother_ , Thor pleaded to himself.  His mother had coached Thor about things that were not helpful to say to Loki.  Things that Thor would have carelessly blurted out to his brother if he had not known.  Upon Loki’s own request, neither he nor his mother mentioned anything to Odin.  Whatever Loki was going through, he said he did not want their father to look down upon him any more than he already did.  Which Thor thought was incredibly harsh for Loki to think about their father, and his own self.  But Thor did not say that.  He knew not to say that.

            Thor leaned back against the headboard and made himself comfortable next to the younger prince.  “When did you start feeling like this?” Thor asked him, unsure if he would get a response.  Loki seemed to curl in on himself even more and covered his face with his hands.

            “Thor…” he trailed off.  Thor put a hand on Loki’s shoulder, willing his brother to relax.  Loki took a deep breath and wiped at his eyes.  He looked straight ahead of him.  “I haven’t felt this way in many years,” he whispered.  “And, honestly, I don’t know how you even knew about this,” he griped.

            “I know because I care for you, brother.  You are important to me,” Thor pressed.  “Your life is important to me, Loki.”  He drew in a shaky breath.  Loki turned over to look at him, his eyes wide.

            “Brother,” the younger quavered.  Loki took one of Thor’s hands into his own squeezed it affectionately.  “Stop,” he choked.  “You needn’t worry so much about me.”

            “You are not alone in this,” Thor declared, placing his free hand over Loki’s.  Loki closed his eyes and swallowed against the lump in his throat.

            “I just feel so heavy.  Some days it is scarce easy to breathe.  Like Asgard itself is suffocating me.  And I just get pulled under and can’t get up from the bed,” Loki explained.

            “Have you thought about going to see Eir?” Thor asked, while Loki scoffed, pulling his hands away from Thor’s.  “She has known us all our lives, brother.  It is not weakness to take care of yourself,” he argued.  Loki pulled a deep breath into his lungs before moving to sit beside Thor.  He scowled.

            “Thor, do you have any idea how it feels to constantly feel like the ill weakling in Asgard?  I’m not sure I know anyone who has been to Eir as often as I have,” he spat, softly.  Thor had to calm himself before he responded.  He knew Loki’s dark days could be bad, but he had forgotten just how nasty his brother could be to himself, like this.  It had been nearly 300 years since his last struggle.  Feeling more under control, he tried to cheer Loki up a little.

            “Be honest…half those times you really just wanted to spend time with Eir,” he smiled, pulling the younger man in for a noogie when Loki laughed.  Loki pushed him off and shoved Thor playfully afterward, smirking back at him.  “I don’t think you’re weak, Loki,” Thor told him.  “You should know that,” he stressed.  “I think you’re so strong.  You fight an enemy that no one can see, and no one knows of its existence but you.  But the fight is long, and everyone gets tired of fighting, even I.”  Thor fiddled with the hem of his tunic and looked over to the young prince.  He hadn’t opened up to his brother like this in a long time.  Thor placed a hand upon his chest.  “I am the one who feels weak, Loki.”  His eyes welled up with tears, but he wiped them away, defiantly, on the back of his other hand.  “You always have my back in every fight, brother, and I cannot seem to follow you in this fight.”  Thor stared down at his hands.  “I feel so ashamed.  It is only when you are so overcome from your fighting that I notice you have needed my help.  What kind of brother does that make me?” he whispered, afraid of Loki’s response.  He gazed up at Loki, then, to see him crying, looking up at the ceiling.  Thor could not recall the last time he had seen his brother in such a state.  He grabbed Loki’s hands in alarm.  “Please, Loki.  Tell me what I can do.  Tell me how to fight by your side in this, please.”  Loki was smiling, Thor finally noticed.  He wasn’t looking at Thor, and the tears still fell down his face, but Thor’s words had cheered him.

            “Am I the only one to know you can be so eloquent with your words?” he laughed, coughing at his own joke.  “It is enough,” Loki rasped, clearing his throat, “to know your thoughts, Thor.  They armor me against this ‘unseen foe,’ as you so prettily put it.”  He huffed out another laugh and looked over at Thor.  “You are a fine brother,” Loki hushed, almost too soft for Thor to hear.  The older prince pulled Loki to him for a hug, squeezing tightly.  Loki struggled to get out of his grasp.  “Enough, you sentimental oaf,” he sputtered.  Thor laughed and ruffled his hair once again, letting him go.

            “Fine,” he conceded, as Loki elbowed him in the side.  When his laughter stopped, he looked over to Loki once more.  He knew there was something his brother wanted to say, but he didn’t want to push him.  Loki liked to come to things in his own time.  After a few minutes passed, Loki huffed and crossed his arms petulantly.

            “What if we both went to see Eir?” he hedged.  “We can say we want to make sure we are both in good health this decade.”  Loki played with his hands, blushing a bit.  He wasn’t used to being so vulnerable, nor asking for help from others.  It made him uncomfortable.  But Thor was right.  It was tiring to fight whatever this was every day.  It always felt immensely better to stay in bed just a little longer; to indulge the dark thoughts that came.

            Thor grinned as he watched his brother.  He had picked up their mother’s habit of fiddling with her hands when she was nervous.  Thor had begun to worry that he was picking up his father’s habit of nonsensical grumbling.  “I think it a fine idea,” Thor agreed.  “Very responsible for princes to look after their health, don’t you think?”  Loki smiled, finding comfort from Thor’s support.  It was a great relief for him.

            “Yes, I quite agree,” he remarked.  “Thank you, Thor,” he mumbled.

            “Thank you!  Not only do you ensure I am being responsible for my own wellbeing, you do me the honor of helping you manage yours.  I am glad of it.  I may not understand exactly how you feel, but I will always help you, if I can.”  Loki smiled and opened the heavy curtains in his room with a flick of his hand.  They both squinted momentarily at the bright light that streamed in, and Loki swung his legs off the side of the bed to get up.

            “Yes, yes,” he trilled.  “That is enough sentiment for me, brother.”  Loki put his hands on his hips and fixed Thor with a stare.  “Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get ready for the remainder of the day.”  He gestured to his wild hair and the sleep clothes he still wore.  His body still felt heavy moving around, but lighter than he had felt the day before.  Thor smiled.

            “I’ll have some food brought up and wait for you in our shared sitting room, then,” Thor told him.  Loki sighed, but nodded in affirmation.

            “Now go and let me bathe in peace,” he commanded.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thor awoke with a start.  He had dreamed of one of the most honest conversations he’d had with his brother, though it was 100 years in the past, now.  Jane watched from beside him, hoping he felt a little better than he did before.

            “Hey,” she drawled, patting his arm affectionately, but tiredly.  Thor took a few deep breaths to anchor himself before turning his head to face Jane.

            “How do you fare, Jane?” he asked.  “Was your sleep restorative?”

            “Yeah, yeah,” she deferred.  “How about you?”

            “I dreamed of a nice memory, though it was also sad.  I admit, I am beginning to understand just a small bit why it was so hard for Loki to get out of bed, at times.”  Jane gave his hand a small squeeze of encouragement.  Before she could ask about it, though, Thor spoke again.  “You know I went to see him this morning.”  He brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles, starting intently into her eyes.

            “Yeah,” she breathed.  “You were upset…”  Thor sighed, thinking back on his morning.

            “I felt it important to share of mother’s death with him.  Join him in his grief, maybe.  Help him get control of his magic again so we could release him… To say goodbye to Mother, to heal properly…”  Thor squeezed his eyes shut before staring up at the ceiling.  “It is all so backwards!” he cursed, hitting his fists against the mattress.  “Always with his damnable pride!”  Jane shifted beside him, not knowing what to say.

            “Thor,” she started, clearing her throat.  “I can’t pretend to know what’s going on with you and Loki.  In fact, the little we’ve gone through so far has been riddled with history that, I’m sure, runs far longer and deeper than I’ve been alive.”  She placed a hand on Thor’s arm.  “So, I’m going to need you to back up a bit.”  She wasn’t happy about it.  She wanted to keep up with Thor; wanted to listen to what was wrong in the here and now.  But Jane knew there was more she needed to understand before she could make sense of what was going on, and she wasn’t at her sharpest.  This ridiculous parasite that coursed through her veins and sloshed around in her brain was wearing thin on her patience. 

            “It is the Aether, is it not?” Thor observed, startling Jane.

            “What?  No…” she laughed, pushing Thor’s arm gently.  Thor did not laugh with her, but looked over at her again.

            “I will pretend, if you wish it, Jane, but I know it affects you most severely.”  Thor crossed his hands on his stomach as Jane pulled away from him.  When she said nothing, after several minutes, Thor understood her silence.  _She does not even wish to speak its name,_ he guessed, sadly.  _Oh, Jane…_ he lamented.  So he continued speaking about Loki.  “There is much more I could tell you, but in truth, the next part I still do not fully understand.”

            “Just…wait,” Jane replied softly.  Thor turned to look over at her again.  “So, I want to make sure I understand before we move on.  Correct me if I’m wrong, here.  So, your brother, Loki, is adopted, from an entirely different race, and didn’t find out until two years ago.”  Thor nodded.  “Then, he had some kind of mental break? and started destroying the realm he was from?”  Thor gave her one of those nods that meant ‘I guess you could put it that way, yes…’  She let it go, because her description was good enough for her.  “And he has some kind of mental illness?  And it may have been a recent occurrence??” she questioned.  Thor looked confused, now.

            “Ah, I think this is perhaps a description particular to Midgard.  What do you mean when you say mental illness?  Asgard does not have this.”  Thor frowned.

            “You mentioned a madness that Loki fights…a darkness that falls over him?  That you sometimes feel his decisions are driven by the madness, and not by what you might call his…rational self?”  Thor considered her words for a few moments.

            “Yes.  Loki has had these dark days on and off for many, many centuries.  It is not a particularly new occurrence.  Mother was always most distraught.  He asked us to never tell our father…” Thor trailed off.  Jane noticed he did not comment on how he felt about these periods.  “I think he felt ashamed of it, though Mother and I, nor Eir, ever entertained the idea.  But I have not met another Asgardian to have such an affliction, or at least openly struggle with it, much less discuss it.” 

            Jane patted his arm placatingly.  There probably were cases, but it was unlikely to be something brought up to a prince.  If Loki felt ashamed, it’s more likely that others on Asgard felt the same and never talked about it.  _It could have been a great opportunity for him,_ she thought.  _A prince being a champion for mental health…  All that research they could have benefitted from,_ she despaired.

            “Well, on Earth, we call this a mental illness.  It’s something that should be monitored and treated, just like any other sickness.  And it’s nothing to be ashamed of, but there’s a lot of stigma around it, unfortunately.  The name is pretty simple.  It’s an illness that exists only in your mind, which, I’m sure you’ve experienced, makes it difficult to treat.”  Thor nodded.  “But there’s loads of research that’s done every year, new treatments that exist, better care for those afflicted.  It’s quite common, and quite varied on Earth, and sadly, on the rise.”  Thor was surprised to hear how common these illnesses were.  That there was more than one type, even!  It had been hard for Loki, and harder still for Eir to help.  If they had known of the wealth of information on Midgard, perhaps it would have made a difference…  _But Midgard changes so quickly,_ Thor thought.  _It’s likely that when we thought to look elsewhere, there was nothing to see_.  “I mean, I don’t want to pry and have you break Loki’s confidences with you,” Jane interjected.  “I just wanted to make sure I understood.”

            “Yes, I should perhaps consider how much I share about this,” Thor sighed, combing a hand through his hair.  “For as much as I shared with him, Loki never seemed particularly comfortable sharing overmuch…”

            “OK,” Jane agreed.  “Basic picture, Loki fights off mental demons.  Something likely stirred the pot when he found out he was adopted, he seemed to act more affected than usual when you returned, and…chose…to fall from the Bifrost site?”  The corner of Thor’s lip twitched, thinking about this cold telling of the facts.  You could put it that way, but he would not.

            “I mean…when I broke the observatory from the bridge, both of us were flung over the side.  I had hold of one end of Gungnir, my father’s staff, at the time, and Loki held to the other end.  Father ended up catching my ankle, and, for reasons that are his own, Loki fell into the Void instead of being raised back up to the bridge with me.”

            “Ok…ok…..” Jane struggled a bit.  “For reasons that are his own, ok.”  She drew her lips into a fine line before speaking again.  “No, I’m sorry.  How do you justify trying to kill an entire race?”  It still didn’t make sense to her.

            “I do not know,” Thor retorted.  “The reasons are his own…”  Jane sat there for a few minutes, trying to find another way to get Thor to talk about this.  She suspected he had a good idea why his brother decided to open the bridge on another realm, but he didn’t want to share it.

            “Did you consider what those reasons might have been?” she poked.  Thor frowned.

            “Yes,” he yielded, with a deep sigh.  “There was much speculation.”  Jane groaned, internally.  She had to fight him, now, for any bit of information on this.  She took a deep breath to calm herself.

            “Can you share some with me?”

            “Why does it matter?”  Thor was getting upset with her questioning.

            “I’m sorry?”  Jane gawked.

            “Why does it matter his reasoning for doing it?” he growled, sitting up.

            _Did those words just come out of his mouth?_ she wondered, slowing pulling herself up to sit against the headboard.  “Are you serious?”  Thor covered his face and shook his head.

            “I will not get into this with you, Jane,” he sighed, removing his hands and giving her a baleful look.  “It is too shameful to think about.”  Jane clenched her teeth and held her pointer finger up.

            “No, you wanted me to understand,” she argued.  “There’s something going on with Loki, and this is important.  Now stop being a baby and tell me what these ‘speculations’ were!” she demanded.  Before he realized what he was doing, Thor had called Mjolnir to his hand.  He gripped the leather tightly.

            “I do not know his reasons!” he shouted. 

            “No!  You choose not to know,” she argued, throwing her hands in the air.  “Your mentally ill, adopted brother went psycho two years ago, tried to commit genocide, and flung himself into space, where he was presumed dead until a few short weeks ago, and you don’t want to know why.  Am I caught up?”  Thor scowled and fixed her with a vindictive glare.  His expression was a hard ‘no.’  “Good.  I’m going for a walk.”  She stormed from the room and when the guards made to keep her inside, she blew up.  “Don’t you dare fucking touch me!” she raged, pushing past them.  The doors remained open.  If anyone had any thoughts about the crown prince lounging in the bed of another woman, they kept it to themselves.

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Jane was grateful that Thor hadn’t followed her after she left the room.  She couldn’t look at him right now, even if she had almost collapsed against the wall as soon as she withdrew.  She leaned against the cold stones for a few minutes, catching her breath, then moved forward at a slow pace.  _What is too shameful about his brother’s reasons for…what?  Murder-suicide?  Genocide-suicide, when your suicide also is genocide?_   Jane huffed, trying to think of an earthly equivalent to the situation.  There were lots of examples of genocide on Earth.  It was terrible how often it happened.  The more notable examples she had were the American Indians, the Nazi Holocaust, the Rwandan genocide, and the more recent genocide in Darfur.  But most of these involved a group of people inciting an attack.  And came from a place of great prejudice.  _Is this what’s so shameful to Thor?  The prejudice Asgard held, or perhaps still holds against this other race?_   She remembered the Rwandan genocides from the news, thinking how neighbors rose up against neighbors simply because they were a different ethnic classification.  It was horrible to consider.  _Thor mentioned they were an enemy to Asgard…_   Maybe there was a long history of fighting.  Maybe the frost giants were the Earth equivalent to the Nazis, and Asgard was the Allied powers.  She tried to imagine finding out her father was Adolph Hitler, and she was adopted into Winston Churchill’s family.  That comparison sent a chill down her spine.  This was not an exercise for the weak.  _OK, I’m an adult whose grown up thinking good ol’ Bulldog is my father.  Germany is a fierce enemy.  They’ve done unspeakable things to many other countries, and it suddenly comes to light that the leader of Germany is my father, somehow.  I hate Germany.  I’d want to kill all those Nazi’s for what they were doing.  If I’d been in the army back then, I’d have easily done it, too.  It would have been a point of pride.  See how much of a Brit I am?  No German blood here.  No crazy dictator in my blood at all._

              Jane made it to the staircase that overlooked one of the main thoroughfares of the palace.  There were a lot of people everywhere, trying to get things ready.  She noticed a lot of debris being carted away, and a lot of wood being carried around.  The distant sounds of hammering pressed on her nerves.  _How many people were killed yesterday?_ she worried.  Jane leaned against the sturdy stone railing, gathering her strength to continue down the stairs and into a less stressful part of the palace.  She closed her eyes, taking in some deep breaths.  _What do I do with this information if I learn about it way after the war’s over with, though?_ she wondered.  _Hitler’s long gone, the Nazi’s were punished.  Suddenly, I find out he was my father._

Jane thought about it for many minutes, trying to put her mind in that situation.  _I wouldn’t just start killing Germans.  That wouldn’t be right.  The whole country wasn’t at fault for a particular party’s views._ Jane opened her eyes and started down the stairs, briefly noticing the two guards who followed her.  She mentally scratched off that idea in her head as she made it to the bottom of the staircase.  Thor didn’t mention anything about his banishment when he was on Earth.  She remembered he couldn’t lift his weapon, and he apologized to Loki for whatever wrong he didn’t know he had committed, but that’s all she knew.  The only new piece of information came today when he said he was banished for attacking this other realm.  She tried to put this into context as she made her way down a random corridor.  _OK, what if I was with one of my siblings in Germany and they started killing a bunch of Germans in a bar, stating they were all horrible Nazi monsters?_   Jane thought about that scenario for a moment.  _I’d be scared because I’m also German.  Would my sibling attack me if they found out?_

The further down the hall she got, the stronger she could smell something delicious on her path.  She kept thinking on the scenario she’d laid out for herself, but decided if she came upon some food, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to eat something.  _OK, Jane, focus!  If I went home and my father learned I hadn’t killed Germans like my sibling did, would he think I was siding with the Nazis?_   Jane scoffed, pausing in her movements to catch her breath again.  _Well, that’s ridiculous.  I doubt any father would approve a child killing innocent people.  Unless he were also a murderer.  Also, my sibling would be in jail for doing what they did.  I would be seen as the level headed one._ She sighed again, feeling like things were getting out of hand.  _Maybe Thor’s right…_ She thought, moving again towards the food smells.  _What does it matter, anyways?  What’s done is done._ Despite everything, this thought still didn’t’ sit right with her. 

            She tried a new theory.  _What if I couldn’t see Germans as anything else but Nazis?  And now that I was one of them, I needed to kill myself with the rest of them?  Wouldn’t that speak to something wrong in me?  Or maybe I was raised to think this way?  What if my whole family felt this way about Germans?_ Her hypothesizing had taken her in the direction of racism, now, and it was a mindset she could never seem to understand.  How could there be something inherently wrong with an entire race?  It was preposterous.  Before she could delve any further, though, she came upon the kitchens.  There was a great commotion going on in them, but she decided to peek her head in anyways.  She nearly regretted it when several women turned to stare at her.

            “Lady Jane,” one of them called.  Another one came up to her.

            “Can we help you with something?” the young girl enquired.  Jane smiled, taking stock of herself before answering.  She felt a lot calmer from her walk, short though it was, and thought she could handle going back to Thor for round two.

            “Yes,” she returned.  “I wanted to bring some lunch up with me for myself and Prince Thor.  Is that possible?  You all look terribly busy.  I feel bad for intruding.”  The girl looked at the guards who had followed Jane.

            “It’s not a problem,” she decided.  “As long as they carry the trays, it won’t put any of us out more than a few minutes,” she grinned.  Jane looked back to watch the guards straighten behind her, passive in their facial expressions.

            “Well, they follow me wherever I go, so I don’t see an issue handing them a few trays,” she grinned back.  One of the guards furrowed his brows for a moment before schooling his features back.  The other had given up to coughing to hold back his grin.  Jane laughed as the girl rushed off to prepare something for her.  She zoned out, thinking back to her fight with Thor.  _I suppose I can understand how Thor would feel ashamed if Asgard held these racist beliefs against Jotunheim and, in turn, had taught Loki to hate his true nature from a young age.  That’s actually pretty messed up…_   Jane was woken from her thoughts by the return of the girl she had been talking with, along with another older woman.

            “Here you are, Lady Jane,” the older woman said.  Jane thanked them as the women passed the trays over to the Einherjar that had been following her around.

            “I won’t keep you,” Jane promised.  “I hope your labors are successful!”  She waved, as she began to leave.  The women waved back as she departed.  When she had made it a few paces from the kitchens, she peeked up at one of the trays and stole a piece of cheese she saw on there.  She moaned after taking a bite and felt the awkwardness flowing from the men behind her.  Blushing, she turned to look at them.  “What are your names, by the way?” she asked them, trying to make things more comfortable.  The surly guard from earlier said nothing, but the other smiled at her.

            “I’m Geir,” he supplied.  “This is Halvar.”  Jane smiled back at them.

            “Well, thank you for helping me take this back to Thor.”  Jane finished the piece of cheese she’d taken before a thought came to her.  “Can you tell me what Asgard’s view is of Jotunheim?” she asked, innocently.  Geir was surprised at her question.

            “Does Midgard still remember the frost giants’ attack?” he puzzled.

            “Asgard does not take kindly to invasions and threats to the king,” Halvar grumbled.  Geir cleared his throat, realizing he was being a bit unprofessional in his actions.

            “Yes, that is true.  Both of these things happened about two years past,” he told Jane.

            “Before that, though, it feels like they have always been viewed differently from the other nine realms,” Jane played dumb.

            “Jotumheim has always been the fiercest of the nine,” Halvar declared.  “Asgard has fought hard to keep the other realms safe from their nature.  Peace has been tentative, at best.  If Midgard has indeed forgotten, Asgard was there to fight for them when the frost giants attacked.  Your realm has nothing to fear from them.”

            “Hmm…” Jane nodded, looking ahead.  “Thank you.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jane panted as she leaned against the wall next to Thor’s door.  She noticed her chambers were empty, and the door still wide open, so she assumed he had stomped over to his own rooms.  For her safety, Jane’s room had no windows, no fresh air.  Based on the rest of the palace architecture, she assumed this was uncommon, especially for the royal family.  It had taken her a lot longer to get back to their rooms than she had thought.  Especially having to climb up the stairs, instead of down them.  It took her several minutes to feel strong enough to knock on Thor’s door.  He opened it to Jane’s glare.  Thor ran his hands through his hair and sighed.

            “You seem to know just what to say to set me off, Lady Jane.”  Thor noticed the two guards who hovered behind Jane with trays of food.  “What is this?”  Jane pushed past him and entered his room without an invite.  “Jane?”  He turned to watch her stroll inside, the guards following behind her, uncomfortably.  Thor was amused that they feared Jane’s small wrath to the impropriety of entering a prince’s chambers without permission.  When they had set down the trays on a low table in front of the couch that Jane was stewing on, they bowed to Thor and quickly left the rooms.  Thor shut the door and stepped further into his chambers, uncertain of Jane’s mood.

            “Sit, Thor,” Jane commanded.  He moved towards her.  “I thought I was done being angry, but I guess not.”  He sat near her on a chair, deciding a little distance was safer.

            “I’m sorry for the way I acted towards you, Jane,” he apologized.  “It was terrible of me, and unbecoming of my upbringing.”  Jane seemed to deflate at that and uncrossed her arms.

            “Thor.  I’m not your mother,” she winced.  “You don’t need to couch your reactions to things for me.  I’m glad you were honest with your feelings!  If you find me nagging you about bad manners, well, Darcy has a LOT of stories she can share about me.”  Thor seemed to relax in his chair.  He kicked his heels up to rest on the table.

            “I apologize all the same.” 

            “I do too,” Jane pouted.  “I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.  But you really should consider Loki’s reasons for trying to destroy another realm…”  Thor pouted right along with Jane, crossing his arms across his chest. When the stalemate went on for too long, she looked over at the trays the guards had brought up.  “I think we need some food before we attempt round two, and I may need to rest some more.”  Jane picked up one of the trays and ignored Thor’s worried gaze.

            “Thank you for this, Jane.”  He picked up his own tray and smiled at what the kitchen had sent for them.  “These are some of our favorite things,” he smiled.  Jane looked over at him as he reminisced.  “The meat they gave you is my father’s favorite.  Boar, cooked the way my grandmother, Queen Bestla, preferred it.  The cheese, the bread, the fruit…all things my mother enjoyed with every meal.  I think it was mostly because they were easy to share and didn’t take as much effort to prepare.”  He picked up a piece of bread and took a large bite.  “Plus, when we were children, Loki would hardly deign to eat anything!” he shared, talking around the food in his mouth.  Jane ate another piece of cheese, shaking her head at him.  “I now think it largely due to his differing heritage.  I do not know what an Asgardian diet is like for a Jotun.  But he would eat all of these things.  When my mother noticed this, she made sure they were always present at the table.  Things that made us happy made her happy.”  Thor gave Jane a tight smile, trying to keep his emotions under control.

            “What about the pastries?”  She moved closer to Thor, picking up a piece of fruit to eat, thinking they may have been his favorite on the tray.

            “Loki’s,” Thor chuckled.  “He has an incredible sweet tooth, and these are his absolute favorite.  And I was never above using that knowledge for a bribe,” he grinned.  That left the one thing on the platter that Jane would never have guessed was Thor’s favorite.

            “This leaves the soup as your favorite?” she guessed.  Thor’s eyes twinkled with mirth.

            “Not what you expected to be my favorite, is it?” he prompted.  “For me, there is no greater comfort in all the nine than that of a simple, well-made broth.”  Thor sighed with pleasure, inhaling the steam still coming from the bowl he had.  “When I was most sad, or very sick, this is what I would always ask for.  And when it was Loki’s fault, he would sneak into my room with a bowl of broth and a pastry, because he knew what was my favorite, but also wanted me to know he was making a sacrifice of his own pleasure in favor of mine.”  Jane felt heartened to be let in on Thor’s stories.  These were happier memories he held, and less of the troubling grief he was dealing with from Frigga’s death and the issues with Loki.  She took his hand and gave him a fond smile.  “Indeed, Jane, if there were nothing else on this whole platter but a small bowl of broth, you could not find me a more comforted, happy man.”  He smiled, taking Jane’s hand and rubbing his thumb on the back of it in slow circles.

            “Thank you for sharing with me.”  Jane looked down at her platter before staring back at Thor.  “I never would have known.  I assumed what they gave me was what was easiest to put together.”  Thor kissed her knuckles before releasing her hand.

            “It is also quite possible that this was what was easiest to put together,” he chuckled.  “The kitchens are preparing for the feast to honor our dead.  Favorite dishes of the royal family over many millennia will be served, along with comfort food from all the towns that lost someone.  It is an excellent way for you to get to know all the delicacies Asgard has to offer, though I am sad of the occasion for it.”  Jane put a comforting hand on his arm before turning back to her food.

            “Well, this has been delicious, so far.  I didn’t realize how hungry I was, earlier.”  Jane ate more of the fruit and bread before taking a sip of the broth.  Thor held his bowl up to Jane’s and clinked them together.

            “To health,” he intoned, giving her a tight-lipped smile.  Jane returned a warm one of her own, and took a bigger sip.  Thor gulped down half the broth before putting his bowl down, a big, satisfied smile on his face.

            “Do you want to speak more of Loki?” Jane tested, finishing the cheese on her tray.  Thor rubbed a thumb under one of her eyes.

            “I think you need to rest first, Jane,” he supplied.  Jane rolled her eyes.

            “Fine,” she agreed, sarcastically.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 Thor stood on the balcony while Jane slept in the darkened rooms behind him.  He knew she tired of the ancient power coursing through her and he cursed himself that he knew not how to help.  He stared out at the bright and shining landscape of his home feeling more out of place than he ever had before.  Before his botched coronation, he felt there could be nowhere else he belonged.  His family supported him, stood by him, counseled him.  Loki, while troubled, often seemed happy to Thor.  His upbringing was full of love and shared happiness.  He never wanted for anything, at least, nothing he truly needed.  The Asgard before his banishment was a beacon of everlasting satisfaction and represented a time in his life that felt full and fulfilled. 

            When he was banished, Thor was forced to confront some very real flaws to his character that he had not previously noticed.  Further he had needed to consider other realms as his home, as there was no certainty he’d ever see Asgard again.  With that fear, he clung to Midgard, perhaps a bit prematurely.  The ever-changing realm seemed to accept him just as quickly, though.  So much so that Asgard lost a little of her shining brightness in his mind.  Then, when he was reunited with his true home, he was rewarded with Loki’s madness driving him to plunge into the Void.  With Loki gone from Asgard, presumed dead, Asgard seemed to have an ever-present mark of death about her, to Thor.  He could not look upon his home without seeing the crazed desperation in Loki’s eyes; without considering what drove Loki to let go of Gungnir.  The younger prince’s face haunted him when he strode through Asgard’s halls.  He helped quell unrest in the nine realms, selflessly strode to many battlefields.  Yet he wasn’t able to do anything for the one person who meant more to him than all the countless people he had saved over the last two years. 

            It had soured the throne for Thor.  His skin crawled, thinking of being tied to the realm eternal, to his grandest mistake.  Even hearing of Loki’s return did nothing to brighten the realm to him.  His father was pushing him to take over his burden and Thor didn’t know how to refuse.  He longed for the simpler days on Midgard and hoped, when Loki was better, he could simply return with Jane for a time.  When he spied one of his father’s ravens flying through the sky, Thor’s eyes darkened with a vision. 

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sky appeared black with an eerie red glow to it, like the Aether, as it lashed out.  Loki was before him, helpless and tied up in the dungeon as the Aether ripped itself from Jane and flew to his brother.  Loki screamed in protest as his mind was invaded by the ancient power.  He pulled and writhed, trying to escape its clutches.  And suddenly, he stopped moving.  His body went slack, before the chains binding him simply disintegrated.  And then, a small smile tugged on his lips as Loki opened his eyes.  He stared at Thor, his eyes completely dark, no longer reflecting their vibrant green.  His eyes looked dead as he smiled madly at Thor.  The Aether seemed to affect Loki differently from Jane, perhaps as he had touched other ancient powers.  The cell barriers disintegrated and Loki stood before Thor.

            “Odinson.”  The sound hissed out of his brother’s mouth, but it was the Aether that spoke.  “You kept such a treasure as this locked away?”  The creature before him lifted up Loki’s hand and turned it over, seeing the body anew.  Thor shook in anger, gripping Mjolnir tight.

            “Release my brother,” he spat.  The power addressed him.

            “I can assure you, Thunderer, your brother is quite destroyed.  It is my will alone that powers this body.”  The creature smirked.  It placed a hand on Thor’s chest.  “Such power you have…I could give you such purpose, Odinson,” it hissed.  Thor raised Mjolnir high above him, calling the lightning to him as the Aether just laughed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thor awoke to Jane shaking him out of a vision.  A storm was raging and he was poised to smash Mjolnir into the stone railing of his balcony.

            “Thor!” Jane screamed.  He stopped his hand and stumbled back, dropping Mjolnir with a deep thud.  He backed up into Jane’s worried embrace and calmed the storm around them.  It had been a few mere minutes’ lapse, but Thor could see the damage he’d wrought.

            “Jane,” he breathed, turning his shocked expression to her.

            “What happened?” she questioned, wrapping her arms tighter around him.  Thor shuddered.

            “It was a vision,” he frowned.  “The Aether left your body for a stronger host…”  Jane rubbed comforting circles on his back, looking up into his face.  Thor closed his eyes to the painful memory.  “Loki.”  Jane made a small noise of sympathy as Thor wrapped a hand around the back of her neck and touched their foreheads together.  “It destroyed him, though, and simply used his body as its own.”  Jane clucked, patting his back in a more confident manner.

            “Well, we know it doesn’t operate that way.  Else, it likely would have left my body for yours, by now,” she justified to him.  “Come inside and dry off.  It was just a dream, Thor.  I can assure you the Aether still resides firmly within me and we are no closer to finding a way to remove it, save provoking Malekith himself.”

            “Provoking Malekith?” he replied, amazed.  He had not considered manipulating Malekith into removing the Aether from Jane.  Thor pulled them swiftly inside and made a glance to the door of his chambers. 

            “Thor, that was a ridiculous, throwaway comment,” she scoffed.

            He laughed before turning a serious look in her direction.  “Jane, if there’s nothing in all of Asgard’s library that speaks of how to remove the Aether, then Malekith is likely the last alive to have this knowledge.”

            “Yes, and we would be handing it over to the enemy.”  Jane arched her eyebrows like it was obvious.  Thor mimicked her look before going off to the bath for a towel to dry himself and another for Jane.  She followed closely behind.  “Alright, I concede that I’ve seen you defeat a giant, fire-breathing robot, and an entire invading alien army.  You even struck Malekith before he escaped.  But I can’t imagine he doesn’t pose a threat.  Your father mentioned an army being needed to defeat him the last time,” she pointed out.

            “Even if he is a threat, at least we shall take the threat away from Asgard,” he reasoned.  Jane hummed, considering his last point.  It became clear to her that Thor didn’t believe Asgard could survive another attack so soon.

            “And then what would we do if Malekith has possession of the Aether and escapes?” she whispered.  Jane leaned against the doorframe and crossed her arms.  “You need to think this through a bit more, Thor.”  He handed her a towel to dry off and started drying his own body.  “Maybe when we’re not soaking wet,” she mumbled, pulling on the straps of her dress.  Thor smiled, shedding some of his wet garments.

            “I promise to think this through before we make any final plans,” he vowed, moving towards his closet.  Jane padded after him again, curious to see what styles Thor preferred to wear.  Thor chuckled when he noticed Jane had followed him inside.  “Would you like to borrow something?” he asked, only teasing a bit.  He knew anything he owned would be quite large on Jane.  She ignored him for a moment, just looking around.  There were spaces for multiple sets of utilitarian armor.  Plenty of shelving for casual breeches, tunics, leggings, and night clothes.  On the opposite wall was a glass case containing his full, formal, ceremonial armor.  He didn’t wear it very often, and the case made sure it was kept protected and tarnish-free.  Jane noticed five other areas of clothing in his closet.  One clearly full of Midgardian clothing from various eras in its history.  Jane went over to it and pulled out a 1920’s style formal jacket with tails.  She held it up to Thor.

            “Did you often make trips to Earth?”  Thor smiled wistfully.

            “Ah, Loki’s coming of age celebration.  THAT was a great trip,” he smiled.  “Whatever time period that was on your planet, it was very opulent and fun.  Loki insisted on celebrating in at least five of the nine realms, and we may have brought a few casks of Asgardian spirits to Midgard,” Thor laughed.  “By the time those six months were up, everyone had their own stories to tell.”  Jane laughed.

            “You were celebrating for six months?”  She hung the garment back up.

            “Oh, that is not uncommon.  My own coming of age celebration was three months long throughout all of Asgard, and two months upon the lovely shores and forests of Alfheim.  Full of glorious hunting, sparing, and copious feasts.”  Jane smiled at how happy his memories were.

            “You certainly know how to live full lives.”  Jane blushed as Thor began removing the rest of his clothes and turned around.  Thor avoided her comment.  Jane wasn’t wrong.  Asgardians had a zeal for life and for celebrating the good and the victorious.  But it wasn’t always an easy life, and it was also full of heavy burdens towards the other realms.  And now, heavy burdens towards their own.  Rebuilding would take time, and healing from the loss of loved ones would take even longer.

            “That may have been the last time I was on Midgard; before you met me, that is,” he remarked, casually, pulling a new set of clothes out for himself.

            “O-oh,” Jane stammered.  “Well, I can assure you, a LOT has changed.”  When he had more clothes on, she glanced over at the other areas in the closet.  It looked like each area was for a specific realm.  “What are the other clothes in here?”  Thor went over to the next stack.

            “I have fashions from each of the realms where it’s been important to follow the fashions.”  He pointed to Jane’s stack.  “Midgard.  This before me is for Vanaheim.  Simple, hardy fabrics in earth tones, but more casual, sometimes flowing styles.”  He moved to the next area.  “Alfheim.  The realm of the light elves.  Fashion is one of the more important parts to plan for, when visiting.  Their fashion is full of airy, lightweight fabrics, the more it flows, the better.  In some cases, very little clothing is worn, depending on the season or the celebration you’re attending.”  Thor picked up a very gauzy pair of pants.  “I wore only this to a harvest festival a few centuries back.”  Jane smirked.

            “I’m sure you looked quite fetching.”  She pulled the towel around herself, getting a little chilled in her wet clothing.  Thor moved to stand near her.

            “Would you truly like to borrow something?” he asked, concerned.  “Or we could cross the hall for a garment of your own.”  Jane stared up at him.

            “I guess…I can borrow something of yours,” she faltered.  Thor smiled before he walked over to the shelves and pulled out a longer tunic of his.  “It’s easier, I mean…”

            “Of course,” he winked at her.  “You can change in the bath, or I can leave for you to change in here, if it makes you more comfortable.”  He handed the tunic over to Jane, before rifling through the old clothes from Midgard for a smaller pair of trousers.  He landed on a pair of breeches he’d owned when he was young and held them out to her.  “Will these fit?”  Jane held them up to her waist.

            “I think so,” she grinned.  Jane walked backwards towards the doorway with the garments.  “I’ll just…” she pointed in the direction of the bathroom and made a hasty retreat.  When Jane rejoined him, fifteen minutes later, Thor was sitting in the main area, brooding over Loki and worrying that Jane had taken ten minutes longer than he felt she should have.  The shirt was swimming on her, but the breeches seemed to fit.  She came to sit in his lap.  “Why the long face?” she prodded, stroking his cheek with one of her hands.  Thor wasn’t sure he caught the idiom she used, but assumed she meant his facial expression.

            “Both you and Loki are ill,” he tried explaining.  “And I am helpless on both counts.”  Thor sighed.

            “OK, I’ve eaten a great meal, napped for a bit, and I’m in fresh, dry clothes.  Let’s talk through what’s going on with Loki,” she insisted, planning to ignore her own situation, once again.  “And you shouldn’t feel helpless about me.  Your father said this was an ancient power.  Not even he knows what to do about it.  Anyone would be helpless against it, right now.  We’ll figure something out.”  Thor sighed and kissed Jane’s forehead.

            “Yes,” he decided.  “We shall figure something out.”  Truthfully, as soon as Jane had suggested it, he’d already decided to draw her away from Asgard and provoke Malekith into removing the Aether, but he needed more time to think through the plan.

            “So, Loki?” she tried again.  Thor hugged her to him, lightly.

            “In all honestly, Jane, I do not know enough of the rest of his tale, but I shall tell you what I do know.”  Jane rested her head on Thor’s shoulder, feeling comforted by his strength and giving him comfort herself.  “When Loki fell from the Bifrost, he was captured by someone, somehow.  I do not know how, nor who, but he was tortured.  Made to believe he was on Asgard and tortured by his own family.  It sounded as if it was a daily occurrence, and Loki was missing for nearly a year.  His mind was given over to some kind of mind-controlling stone or staff.  A weapon.  And it was this captor who tortured him that convinced Loki to attack your city of New York.”  Jane sat up quickly.

            “Are you telling me that attack was orchestrated by your own brother?”  Jane stared at him wide-eyed.  He’d said it so matter-of-factly, she had nearly missed the significance of the information.  “Loki led that alien army in New York that caused so much damage and death?”

            “In a way, yes…” he whispered, looking down at Jane’s lap.

            “In a way?” she protested, trying to wriggle out of Thor’s grasp.  He let her up, feeling a gap growing between them.

            “I fought Loki before and during that whole battle, and he was not himself,” Thor murmured.  “Loki may have made it possible for the Chitauri to get to Midgard, but he was not really their leader.  The longer he was away from that staff, the more he came back to himself.”  Jane was pacing, now, her mind whirling with the new information.  In a way, it made sense…especially if the scepter and the tesseract were like the Aether.  These relics had no qualms about taking over a host, it seemed.  But it was still a shock to know Thor’s own brother had made the attack possible.

            “He was behind the whole thing…” she blurted.  Thor looked up at her with a glare.

            “No.  Whatever monster held my brother captive was behind the whole thing.  Loki was merely dancing to his sick tune.”  Jane turned around, unable to look at Thor while she processed her thoughts. 

            _Mind controlled to lead an attack on New York?  For what?_ she thought.  “No…no…”  Jane turned around, glaring at Thor.  “I saw footage of him in Germany.  He looked pretty in control of himself there.  How can you defend his actions?  The things he said…”

            “I can assure you, my brother has never expressed such words of subjugation before, Jane.  There were only fleeting moments where he even seemed to recognize my true personality before backing away from me in terror.  He remembers me as some…madman…who tortured him all through our childhood, and delighted in punishing him after his fall.”  Jane collapsed on the couch, unsure what to say.  She leaned back and stuck a pillow over her face, moving her legs up onto the couch.  Thor watched her, concerned by her actions.

            “This is a lot to take in,” she talked into the pillow.  The sound was muffled strangely to Thor’s ears, causing him to smirk.

            “Yes,” he agreed.  “Indeed, it has been a lot for me, as well.  When I learned Loki was not, in fact, dead, I found a stranger in his body, when I’d finally found him.  A stranger who occasionally gave me glimpses of my brother, until he was finally dislodged from the control he was under.  And even now, he still fights against them.  He told me it’s like he has two minds.  In one, I am as I am.  In the other, I am a monster.  And even though he no longer carries the scepter, nor holds the tesseract, he still seems to be under their control.  I do not know why.”  Jane removed the pillow in time to watch Thor place his head in his hands.

            Jane tried hard to remember Thor’s words.  The man she’d held such a hatred for had been tortured…brainwashed, even.  Acted under some sort of mind control.  “Thor…”  She reached a hand out to him.  He looked up, then moved to sit on the floor near her, holding her hand.  Jane put their joined hands up to her cheek.  She thought back to Thor’s words, and a whole new set of ideas were coming to her.  “I just need a little time to accept his involvement in New York.”  She kissed his hand innocently.  “I understand where you’re coming from.  It’s just a lot to justify…  And when you do, it creates a whole other set of issues, like where the true mastermind is behind the attack.  Why they didn’t come themselves?  Why they didn’t come after the army was defeated.  How it was worth it to sacrifice an entire army for their goal.  I mean…what was their goal?  Was it to attack?  Was it to retrieve the objects that Loki had?  Was it simply to make it to Earth?  There’s just…so much unanswered.  And Loki is in the middle of all of that.  Surely he knows some of these answers.”  Thor’s closed his eyes.

            “Yes,” he acquiesced.  “I have not had the time to talk about it with him, though.  It has been a truly busy few days…”  Jane nodded her agreement.  “And Loki is certainly not well at the moment.”  Jane ran a hand through his hair, trying to encourage him to keep talking.  “I understand that this will be harder for you.  I try to imagine how I would feel if Malekith was your brother, acting under someone else’s orders, but I just cannot imagine it.  It makes me too angry to think.”  Thor clenched his free hand into a fist and took his head off the couch.  Jane scratched his back a bit when he looked away.  Thor was right.  She wasn’t over it, and she was still angry about it, but once she’d processed it all, she imagined she could get through her anger to acceptance and understanding.

            “Hey,” she called, getting his attention once more.  “I’ll get there,” she promised, willing it to be true.  “I just need time to process.”  Thor nodded, and, removing his hand from Jane’s, scrubbed both palms against his eyes.  He took a few calming breaths before Jane spoke again.  “So, what’s going on with him now?  I know things have kind of escalated since he’s been in the…dungeon?  Do you really call it that?”  Thor smirked, her curiosity infectious.

            “Yes, we call it a dungeon.  When Loki and I got back on Asgard, we weren’t transported immediately to the palace.  Instead, to a stronghold outside the city.  We had a long talk on our way back, but he got more and more agitated when he was near the tesseract and things got out of control when I put a magic binding cuff on him.”  Thor exhaled.  “I have since learned never to do that…  My mother…”  Thor swallowed, letting himself trail off.  Jane scooted over on the couch to rest her head on Thor’s shoulder, giving his neck a quick kiss.  He cleared his throat.  “Anyways, there was an ordeal, then the tesseract activated and transported us to the town square, which is where Loki’s illusions of torture began.  And in that moment, he came to doubt what was real and believed in the lie.  Which prompted him to lash out, which pulled him before my father…without me, I might add…and it got ugly.  My father refuses to believe that Loki is still in there.  He says there is no hope of bringing him back.”  Thor growled, angry that Loki and Odin were both so bull-headed and unyielding.  Neither would give an inch to the other, if it wounded their pride.  It hadn’t always been that way, but that’s how things were, now.

            “Which isn’t true,” Jane said, as a confirmation of understanding.  Thor nodded.

            “Both Mother and I were able to get through to him.  I know there’s a lot of healing to be done, but Loki is far from gone.  And that is precisely where he should be…in the healing halls, and not in the dungeon.” 

            Jane hummed, remaining neutral, and placed her hands on her stomach.  “What happened next?” 

            Thor put his hands over his eyes, willing himself to stay strong for the rest of the tale.  “Mother mentioned something about a return of his dark days.  Which doesn’t surprise me.  All that mental trauma…”  Thor shook his head.  “But he was healing a little.  Until last night.”  Thor took a sharp inhale of breath.  “No one said anything, but Loki knew, somehow.  He can feel Mother’s absence.  And he became unreachable.”  Jane placed a hand on Thor’s cheek, trying to soothe his pain.  “My brother has command over a lot of magic, Jane,” he explained, his hands starting to shake.  “Last night I saw his body devoid of skin and encased in an unbreachable barrier of magic.  He was out of control and nearly busted through the cell with his seidr.  It could have caused a collapse on that side of the palace with the amount of magic, combined with the damage done by the attack earlier.  Not even Eir, the palace healer, who has been like family to Loki, was able to calm him.  When he saw me, he begged me to take him to Mother, nearly hurting himself further in the process.  Father had me leave before anything was resolved, but he was successful in creating a secondary barrier inside the cell to contain Loki’s magic.” 

            Tears fell from Jane’s eyes, unbidden, and she rushed to wipe them away before Thor felt them.  She could imagine a small amount of the pain Loki was in, and it hit her very close to home with her Father’s death.  She couldn’t imagine how much harder that would have been, though, if she’d been with her father for over a thousand years.  It was inconceivable for her.  “What happened this morning?” she questioned, remembering how upset Thor had been.  Thor sniffed, rubbing a hand under his nose and looking up at the ceiling.

            “I planned to share Mother’s death with him and make sure he was well enough to attend the funeral.  When I got there, I found someone had put the cuffs back on him, which bound Loki’s magic.  He kept telling me how good he’d be if I would just release him from them.  It was so unlike Loki, to see him that way.”  Thor shuddered.  “So I did.  Because it wasn’t right to do that to him.  Mother said those cuffs can drive a magic user insane.”  Jane gasped.

            “Does your father not know this?”  Jane frowned.  _How could a father do that to his own child?_ she thought, angrily.

            “I do not know.  I cannot imagine he does not,” he scoffed.  “It is what makes me so angry about it.  Is he trying to prove himself right by driving Loki insane?  Or trying to punish that which he already feels is insane and has “taken over” my brother’s body?  Either way, it is cruel.”  Jane moved her hand to rub circles on Thor’s right arm, feeling such anger at Odin in that moment, but trying hard to keep it to herself.  She didn’t want to come between Thor and his father any more than she wanted to engage him in conversation after he’d called her a goat.  Thor turned his head to give her a small smile.  “Thank you for listening, Jane.  And working to understand.  It is a lot to take in.”

            Jane snorted.  “You’re telling me.  What happened after you removed the cuffs?”

            “For a good forty minutes he just sat there in the cell.  I had brought him breakfast and tried to engage him in conversation, but it was like he wasn’t even there.  And then suddenly he was.  He stared me right in the eye for several moments, like he wasn’t sure who I was, then he asked where Mother was.  Why hadn’t she come to see him?  If she didn’t need help, where was she?  My eyes must have betrayed me, because I didn’t even get one word out before Loki was backing away from me.  Not even a minute later, his seidr had burst all over him again.  It wasn’t as gruesome as last night, and he seemed almost surprised at what was happenning, but I was still unable to call him back, and I fear he won’t be stable enough to attend Mother’s funeral.”  Jane moved her head from Thor’s shoulder, and laid back against the pillows.

            Her heart gave a painful little squeeze.  She couldn’t imagine missing her own father’s funeral.  There wouldn’t have been any closure for her.  “Thor…he can’t miss this.  Which is worse?  Not attending, or attending in the cuffs that can control his magic?”

            Thor exhaled.  “Based on what I’ve seen and what Mother told me, I would say it’s better he not attend.  As much as it pains me to say it.  The less he wears those cuffs the better.”  Jane pulled Thor’s head to hers and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

            “Maybe try one more time,” she tried.  “If it’s too dangerous to bring him, then I suppose, leave it at that.  Or, see if he would consent to wearing the cuffs, so he could attend.  Maybe go with that?”  Thor nodded softly, exhausted from all the emotions he went through today.

            “Yes, that is a good plan,” he agreed.  “I will try once more in the morning.  Perhaps the rest of the day without the cuffs on will exhaust his magic enough and bring his senses back to him,” Thor hoped.  It was unlikely, but he could dream nevertheless.  Jane smiled encouragingly.

            “Thank you for sharing all of this with me,” she professed.  Thor moved to get up, but Jane pushed over onto her side and drew him onto the couch.  “I know this was hard for you.”  Thor laid down next to her and placed his arms around Jane.

            “I am glad you know it.”  He kissed her, then, and pulled her body flush against his.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jane stood silently, resolutely, next to Thor as they stared out to the edge of Asgard.  She felt remorse for the woman who had saved her life, the woman who was beloved by many.  It was a hard burden to carry, her short life for centuries of another’s.  Thor was gripping her hand tightly.  He’d been unsuccessful in reaching Loki, once again, and she knew he felt terrible for the loss of his presence.  The amount of people who had arrived for the mass funeral was staggering.  It seemed nearly all who could attend were there to see the dead off to what Thor had called Valhalla.  Jane had never felt more like an outsider; more like it was wrong, even, to be there.  The cause for all this death standing among them, even as they lifted the souls of their people to the afterlife.  Jane hid her face in Thor’s arm as the first boat came into view.  Frigga’s boat.  It was utterly, eerily silent.  Only the crackling sound of the roaring flame behind them, and the water lapping against the boats broke through. 

            She looked around at all the faces.  Odin’s solemn mask, a cover for the pain she found in his eyes.  The ache on Sif’s face at the loss of a fellow shield maiden, a mentor, even.  Fandral, more reserved.  The laughter put aside, the carefree expression wiped from his face.  It was the look of a man who felt he’d let down a nation and Jane wished dearly to see it gone.  Volstagg stood formally by his friend, his family further back in the crowd, as he was there in an official capacity.  It was hard to read his expression, but there was none of the usual joviality on his face.  When the first arrow was loosed upon Frigga’s boat, Odin’s voice rang out among the throng.

            “Lo, There do I see my Father.”

            Thor stepped further from the crowd, then.  “Lo, There do I see my Mother,” he boomed.  Fandral came to stand beside Thor, watching the line of boats.

            “And my brothers.”

            “And my sisters.”  Sif stepped up beside Jane and Thor.

            “Lo, There do I see the line of my people back to the beginning,” rang out from the lips of everyone there.  Jane wiped the tears from her eyes, feeling such a closeness emanating from the people.

            “Lo, They do call to me,” Odin canted.

            “They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla,” Volstagg replied, coming to stand in the fore with the other warriors.

            “Where thine enemies have been vanquished,” Thor cried, lifting Mjolnir high in the air.

            “Where the brave shall live forever,” the Einherjar all shouted.  It seemed to her everyone had a piece to say, that was heartfelt and meaningful for them.  Odin hit the ground with Gungnir, a resounding gong passing through the air.  Frigga’s boat fell from the edge and bright lights floated up towards the sky.  Thor had told her this marked the passage of the soul to Valhalla.  Many more arrows were loosed, then, the rest of the boats catching fire and heading for the edge of the world.  Each time, Odin would knock the ground with his staff, and the souls of the departed would drift towards the stars.  It was too beautiful for words.  To see a soul travel to live amongst the stars…she could imagine no greater fate.

            When the last boat had descended, a mighty roar rang throughout the crowd as globes of light were released.  Thor had explained earlier that this was to continue lighting the way for their deceased.  Her heart swelled, thinking of all the souls that had joined together in death. 

            When all the globes were high in the sky, Odin began again.  “Nor shall we mourn.”

            The people answered.  “But rejoice,” they shouted, “for those who have died the glorious death!”  And just as Jane thought it was all over, a sound like drums beat through the crowd.  It was the sound of the people stamping their feet upon the ground.  The sound of marching, the sound of dancing, the sound of running, a stampede of beating hearts and fierce minds.  When the sound became deafening to Jane’s ears, Odin struck the ground one final time with Gungnir.  The balls of light that had been let loose earlier exploded in the sky, lighting the heavens in thousands of bright bursts of light.

            When the sky had darkened once again, Jane found the fires had already been extinguished.  A final cry went out into the darkness.  “To Valhalla!”  And then all was silent again.

            The entire ceremony had been incredibly moving for Jane and she found herself thinking how sad it was that Loki had had to miss this.  She couldn’t have dreamed up a more fitting funeral and Loki would have to live with the knowledge that he’d never get to say goodbye to Frigga.  There would be no body to see, no tombstone to visit, no wake.  He wouldn’t even get to engage with the people tonight to share stories and feast to her honor…and to the honor of all the fallen.

            Thor came over and embraced Jane.  She noticed Odin had already left, gone to lead the feast.  Fandral and Sif stood nearby and Volstagg had left with his family.  “This was beautiful, Thor,” she told him, stroking his cheek.  He grasped her hand.

            “Aye.  I just wish Loki had been here to witness it all,” he sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

He’d been lying on the ground, an illusion of himself reading being portrayed to any who passed by.  Loki was exhausted and didn’t even have enough energy to move from the floor to the bed.  It was a kind of magical exhaustion he wasn’t unfamiliar with, but rarely found himself in.  When he’d looked around, he’d noticed he was in the dungeon within the palace, but he had no recollection of how he got there.  Thor’s coronation was supposed to be today and he was in a cell.  Not just a cell, but a nicely furnished one that had been completely destroyed.  The last twenty minutes, he’d been trying to remember what could have possibly happened to land him there.

            The guard who had been part of his rotation since childhood was approaching and Loki got himself to sit up, though it mattered little for the illusion.  His illusory self looked over at Volf and put the book down.

            “I bear a message from Prince Thor, your highness.”  He placed a hand over his heart and bowed.  Loki was intrigued.  Whatever mess he’d gotten into, it clearly hadn’t involved Thor, which seemed strange to him.  Loki waved a hand for the man to continue.  “He wished to bring this message himself, but each time he has tried, he has been unable to deliver it.  He wanted you to know that it should come from him.”

            _Even more intriguing,_ Loki thought.  _A message Thor couldn’t deliver?  When has Thor ever been unable to force his way in and speak his mind?_   Loki rolled his eyes.  “Speak, Volf.  I would know the words my brother cannot seem to speak himself.”  Volf seemed hesitant, so Loki’s illusion stood up and stalked over to the man.  Volf simply sighed at his antics.

            “Queen Frigga was killed in the Dark Elf attack three days ago.  Prince Thor tried very hard to have you come to the funeral, but your magic was always too out of control to even be able to speak of her death.”  Volf looked straight into the illusion’s face.  “I am truly sorry, my prince.”  Volf placed an open palm over his heart as he knelt down before him.

            Loki’s illusion was able to mumble “I understand” before the guard said he would leave him in peace and walked away.  And with his news delivered, the puzzle pieces all tumbled back together in his mind.  He’d cast a memory spell on himself twice, now, in self-preservation.  As much as he wished it, he didn’t have endless depths to his seidr and using it all up was an easy road to death.  When you used up your own magic, it would then draw on your lifeforce and drain the very soul from your body.  In an effort to control his seidr, and control his emotions, he’d simply made himself forget.  Loki sobbed.  That first attempt had been a little hap-hazard.  He’d forgotten almost everything in his haste to cast the spell.  For a memory spell to stay in effect on its own caster, the caster couldn’t become aware of the spell itself, or else it would all unravel.  It was only Thor’s continued presence that seemed to remove his spell bit-by-bit. 

            This time around, he’d at least remembered most things.  Chosen a time where he was happier than he was now.  He’d attempted to circumvent the damage Thanos had done by simply forgetting it.  With Volf’s news, each little piece started falling into place, and his mind was still a tangled web of reality and fiction.  The remorse he felt kept him grounded and pointed out just how real his relationship with Frigga had been.  Loki’s seidr gave one last burst at the cell barriers, throwing everything in the room into chaos.  The books his mother had brought him were utterly destroyed.  The furniture she’d placed in the room had been decimated.  There were fragments of glass everywhere, and the food that had been brought him lay toppled on the ground.  Loki crawled over, slowly, to the pages of the books that were fluttering in the air.  With the end of his memory spell, a little energy had returned to him.  Not much, but enough to move around a little.

            “These were her things!” he raved, grasping at the pages and trying to keep them all together.  _This is her kindness you destroyed,_ he thought.  Loki slammed a hand on the ground and bent in half.  He was more conflicted than ever.  When that monster had refused to free him, the first thought his mind had turned to was right back with Thanos, and how he’d burned with rage, wanting revenge from Asgard; wanting to see Thor’s psychotic, arrogant face brought low before him; show his kidnapper just what he was capable of.  On Midgard, it had seemed a great plan, then steadily and steadily less so.  But then Thor had caused him to doubt all anew when they’d arrived in the town square, his mind was still trying to decide where he was at.  Thor hadn’t been to see him much.  There had been little time for healing.  So when push came to shove, and he wasn’t sure which side to choose, he chose the one that was more self-preserving.  If the illusions were correct, he’d get to watch Asgard suffer as he had.  If the illusions were wrong, what harm could one monster do against the whole of Asgard?  He’d told the creature to take the stairs to the left, and it had ruined everything. 

            He slammed his fists on the ground over and over, welcoming the pain.  His mother was gone; her funeral over with.  Another piece of the puzzle fit back together: his memory of what he’d last said to her.  Loki let go of the book pages and grabbed whatever was closest to him--a table leg--and threw it against one of the walls.  He screamed at the reflections of himself that he saw in the shards of the mirror on the floor.  The pages of the books had stained his hands black and he hit them against the wall over and over, trying to bore his way out from the solid wall of the cell.  He couldn’t stand to be in here with himself any longer.  To be surrounded by the love he’d rejected and destroyed.  He stood up, for better leverage, but his strength failed him.  As Loki’s legs buckled, his foot scraped against a shard of glass.  He fell hard on his knees before crashing to the ground.

            “I’m sorry, Mother,” he whispered, as fresh tears tracked down his face.  “It seems my actions always have too high a price to pay…”  His hands fisted into his hair and he screamed as he pulled.  When his voice was hoarse, his screams became laughter.  It was suddenly too funny to him, to be in so much pain, and yet not have the compulsion to die.  “You found a way to keep me from harming myself after all, mother.”  He laughed until his laughter became sobbing, once more. 

            This was the most coherent his thoughts had been in the past three days.  He couldn’t believe Thor had been to see him three times, trying to tell him of their mother’s passing.  Loki squeezed his eyes shut and took some deep breaths, trying to rein in his emotions.  When he opened his eyes again, he surveyed the room.  Almost everything was in pieces.  Somehow, there was a box that had been thrown under the bed that remained unscathed.  It was curious to him that it had remained in-tact.  It took several minutes to crawl his way over to the bed, but once there, he secured the box from underneath and opened the wooden container.

            The inside was plain, and only a single object remained inside.  Loki recognized it immediately and he quickly shut the lid and pushed the box away.  Fresh tears fell down his face, but for the first time since knowing of Frigga’s passing, he smiled.  The object in the box contained a gift from his mother.  It was more of her own happy memories, meant to help Loki sort through his mind.  In this moment, he was afraid of what his magic would do to such a gift.  _When I’m more in control,_ he decided, feeling the exhaustion overtaking him again.  He didn’t want to accidentally remove the magic, or destroy the spell she’d placed on it.  He would look at it when his mind and body weren’t in such turmoil.  Her thoughtfulness touched his heart.  It was a small replica of the torc he usually wore with his armor.  Something he could easily keep with him.

            Loki cried out again, feeling destructive.  He used his magic to hurl every shard of glass at the cell’s energy barrier, watching it disintegrate upon impact.  He pulled himself further away from his mother’s gift and wrapped his arms around his sides, curling up into a ball.  _She was always thinking about ways to help and I just threw it back in her face_ , he berated himself.  There was a rustling nearby and Loki looked around, trying to find the source.  It sounded like his mother’s skirts billowing around her, but it had to be his imagination.  “You are dead, Mother,” he called out, in case her spirit was somehow here in confusion and hadn’t made it to her rightful place in Valhalla.  “Please, please don’t let me be the reason you are not celebrating in Valhalla.”  He said it so quietly, afraid that was exactly what was going on.  Her presence felt so close, and his heart was squeezing itself inside is chest.  “Please,” he panted, as he felt a hand in his hair.

            _‘This, too, shall pass,’_ seemed to echo in his mind as he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG…….I can’t believe this is finally done. :O :O :O Fair warning, it will probably be quite a few months before I pick this back up again. I have a lot of ground to cover with this other fic I’m working on, so I apologize in advance. I’m on Tumblr if you want to keep in touch or see what I’m posting about. I’d love to hear your thoughts on the chapter, or if you just want to check in to see where I’m at with writing, you’re always welcome! My Tumblr username is the same: Ktspree13. Here’s the outline for this chapter. Two more chapters to go!!
> 
> Day 3:  
> 1\. Prisoners & Kursed brought to dungeon  
> 2\. Loki talks with Frigga: You’re not my mother!  
> 3\. Thor & Jane speak about the convergence. Jane meets Frigga.  
> 4\. Dark Elf attack  
> 5\. Frigga fights Malekith. Dies. Thor fights Malekith and Kursed, but they escape.  
> 6\. This chapter: Loki’s magic goes haywire, realizing Frigga is dead.
> 
> Day 4:   
> 1\. Thor tries to speak with Loki.  
> 2\. This chapter: Jane & Thor speak about Loki, his mother, what to do  
> 3\. Everyone in mourning, preparing bodies for a funeral.
> 
> Day 5:  
> 1\. Everything for funeral is prepared by afternoon.  
> 2\. This chapter: Frigga’s funeral  
> 3\. Feast for the dead
> 
> Day 6:  
> 1\. This chapter: Loki learns definitively of Frigga’s death.


End file.
